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  边走边唱,从今生到永恒
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爱情故事:作家Robert Fulghum文摘 2020-11-16 15:08:22


作家Robert Fulghum写了一段有趣的故事,拿来分享。我想,这个故事说明男女是多么地不同。

事实上,在这个世界,我们人和人是如此不同的,希望大家在争吵政治观点的时候,多一点真诚的出于爱的宽容。毕竟,无论我们为观点的不同吵到哪里去,毕竟改变不了大局;而且,一切都会过去,过十年,二十年年后,不知道我们当中会有多少人会后悔,当初也许我们应该对他人多点爱,多点包容,多点安慰,毕竟,当一切都不再重要的时候,你是否伤害了其实无心伤害你的人可能更让你感到难以忍受和原谅自己。所以,拿一点小作品来调节一下万维左右路线纷争下的气氛,但愿大家再次同意我的倡导:粪土观点,尊重个人。

插入补充一段:

说实话,我对Robert Fulghum本人并没有多少了解,只是觉得他写的小作品蛮有意思。具体了解了一下,发现他也是川黑,哈哈,所有川黑们高兴一下吧!

不得不说,再次让我明白,文革过后为什么那么多的文章和批评反思等等,基本上都是整个民族替其他人反省,我想,这就是我们作为有限的人类的宿命吧。你不可能在这个世界上找到一个能看见自己的脸的人,只能通过其他渠道看自己,仅仅就这点,就让人无法不谦卑!


(Pack Creek Ranch, San Juan County, Utah
The beginning of February 2020
A weather inversion over the valley – dense fog for days, frosting all the trees and bushes like a fairyland park.)

LOVE STORY

Here’s a conversation over lunch this past week at the Moab Diner between me and a friend – a man in his early sixties.
It’s a true story – as accurate as I can remember it.

RLF – “You look grumpy – what’s troubling you?”

“Just came from City Market and got run over by BIG LOVE.”

“What? You mean you met someone who made your heart throb?”

“No, no – I wandered into the Seasonal Specials aisle, and it was jammed to the walls with Valentine’s Day stuff – candy hearts, chocolate, greeting cards, and all that lacy gold whoopee-do crap shouting Show Some Love – Buy this!
And in the floral department there were red roses and pots of red tulips.
And it’s not even February yet.”

“I don’t understand the problem – I thought you were happily married. A lifetime love affair ripe for Valentine’s Day action.”
He smiled and laughed. . . 

“That’s true – yes I am – 35 years now – 4 kids, grandkids, house, job, cars, boat, dogs, a shop full of tools – everything a man needs to be happily married.”
He laughed again.

“So what’s the problem?”

“My wife is a fiercely sentimental romantic – A love Jihadist. And I’m just not.
But she expects big things for Valentine’s Day, and I’m running out of gas trying to produce the love goods on February 14. Drives me crazy.”

“Has this always been a problem for you?”

“Well I did pretty well in the early days of courtship and romance – flowers and fancy boxes of chocolate – and even long letters telling her how wonderful she is and expressing my undying affection. I was young. Lotta work, but I did it.”

“And so . . .”

“Well, as time went on and we settled into raising kids and building a house and a business – marriage settled into a routine. And slowly but surely I ran out of things to say and do. You know how it is. Romance is history – reality happens.
One year I did something really stupid – as a joke – and just gave her a card that said “See previous letters.” And I gave her a gift certificate for her to buy whatever she wanted for Valentine’s Day. I thought she’d laugh.
Ha. Oh no, not funny. She cried her eyes out, called me names, and gave me a look that said this had better never ever happen again.”

Now I laughed.

“Not funny – she meant it. And I really love her and don’t want to make trouble, so every year since, I’ve done the Valentine’s Deed, and gave her what she wanted, the full boat, and it seemed to satisfy her. But it’s a pain in the butt for me.”

“But if it works, it’s not weird. It’s a small accommodation to make. I mean if she knows you are not a sentimental romantic but you please her by doing something you’d rather not do, that’s a gesture of love in itself, don’t you think?”

“Maybe. But it feels like she’s saying she wants what she wants when she wants it so she knows she’s loved. She doesn’t notice all the little caring things I do all the time to confirm my love and affection for her. It’s gotta be flowers and candy for her or else it doesn’t count. And in recent years she’s started feeling that way about birthdays and our anniversary. She feels loved – and I feel bullied.”

“And so these have become times of frustration and anger for you. She takes you for granted. The grooves are getting deeper and deeper.”

“You got it. I’m pissed off.  I begin to understand why guys like me have affairs.”

“Yeah, well there’s that. Is that what you’re thinking of doing?”

“Hell no!”

“Why not?”

“Well, for one thing, she’s the best friend I’ve ever had – she’s always had my back – never let me down – done so much for me that tells me how much she not only likes me and trusts me, but loves me. And we’ve got great kids because she’s a great mom and makes our family safe and secure. My wife’s the best.
An affair? No damn way! I love that woman with all my heart and would never, ever betray her. Never!”

“OK – Let me change the subject a little bit. Is there anything you would like for your wife to do for you for Valentine’s Day?”

Silence – a long thoughtful silence.

“Well . . . Valentine’s Day has always been a time when I was supposed to give her something – it was my job, in a way. I’ve never expected anything from her.”

“What if she knew how you feel? What if she had overheard this conversation?
What do you think she’d think or do?”

Silence again . . . with tears welling up in the man’s eyes.

“I couldn’t possibly talk to her about it or asked her for anything.
She’s never written me a letter telling me why she loved and cared about me.
Never given me a present. I guess she never thought that Valentine’s Day meant anything to me – just her. But sometimes . . .  I wish . . . for something . . .”

Silence . . .

Then our hamburgers and fries came and there was no more talk of love.

_______________________________________________________________

I try to mind my own business.
But sometimes I don’t manage to do it.. . . .
I know his wife – wonderful woman – but she’s blind sometimes to the obvious, like
all the rest of us in long-lasting relationships. We do take each other for granted.
But there are truths that need to be told.

So I printed my account of this conversation, put it in an envelope, and mailed it to the man’s wife. In time for her to think about it before Valentine’s Day.

I added a footnote:
P.S. He doesn’t really like chocolate. He likes homemade pecan pie and peanut brittle, but you know that. And, by the way – nobody has ever, ever given him flowers.



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作者:新歌 留言时间:2020-11-16 16:27:43

经历这个大选前后这么多争论,我明白一点:非基督徒都指望基督徒按照基督的教导生活,但是他们自己不需要。社会论到tolerance,指的是你们tolerate 我们,但是我们不用tolerate你们,因为你们是错的。

但是,基督徒还是要按照基督的教导生活,即使对方不需要。

而且,还是要tolerate他们,即使对方不toerate我们。

只是,真理,没有tolerate的余地,否则,就不是真理了。所以,还是,粪土观点,据理力争,但是,尊重个人,因为是基督徒应该的。

回复 | 0
作者:新歌 留言时间:2020-11-16 15:21:50

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find
someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them
and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.” ―
Robert Fulghum,

True Love

回复 | 1
作者:新歌 留言时间:2020-11-16 15:18:46
“We could learn a lot from crayons; some are sharp, some are
pretty, some are dull, while others bright, some have weird names, but
they all have learned to live together in the same box.” ―
Robert Fulghum

回复 | 1
作者:新歌 留言时间:2020-11-16 15:16:10

“Peace is not something you wish for, it is something you make,
something you are, something you do, and something you give away. ” ―
Robert Fulghum

回复 | 1
作者:新歌 留言时间:2020-11-16 15:14:20
“Yelling at living things does tend to kill the spirit in them.
Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will break our
hearts...” ―
Robert Fulghum

回复 | 1
作者:新歌 留言时间:2020-11-16 15:13:33

“These are the things I learned (in Kindergarten):1. Share everything.2. Play fair.3. Don't hit people.4. Put things back where you found them.5. CLEAN UP YOUR OWN MESS.6. Don't take things that aren't yours.7. Say you're SORRY when you HURT somebody.8. Wash your hands before you eat.9. Flush.10. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.11.
Live a balanced life - learn some and drink some and draw some and
paint some and sing and dance and play and work everyday some.12. Take a nap every afternoon.13. When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.14.
Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: The
roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why,
but we are all like that.15. Goldfish and hamster and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.16. And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.” ―
Robert Fulghum,

All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

回复 | 1
作者:新歌 留言时间:2020-11-16 15:12:34

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is
more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That
hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure
for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.” ―
Robert Fulghum,

All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: Uncommon Thoughts On Common Things

回复 | 1
 
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