2006-09-30

Mom passed away last night. She is gone forever, five minutes after I made a
call back home. She had been suffering from breast cancer for about three years.
What I do not know is that she was that close to death already. Tears, tears, tears,...

On the other side of the ocean, I could not do anything except crying. Was Mom
missing me in her last minute? Was she blaming me for not being there? Was she
regretting on not having enough of life? Was she worrying about us, my father, my
brother, me, and my son? I hope I could be able to talk to my Mom in her last days. I
called almost every day, not knowing that the end was approaching. Mom did not talk
to me much in the last few days. Dad told me that she was out of energy to say
anything. I was so dumb to sense what was coming.

I was never very close to my parents, I mean, a deep understanding. The only things
that I will talk with them are the routines. But there is never doubt about love between
us. However, I was so busy with myself that my parents were never ranked as first on
my list. It is always me. I am such a selfish and self-centered person. What had I done
for my parents? Nothing except some dollars sent back. My parents, on the other
hand, did everything that they could for me, financial support, confidence in me, and 100 percent of freedom to do whatever makes me happy. I have the best parents in the
world. I, however, am one of the most selfish children.

Mom, forgive me. And believe me, I will take care of my family better. I will start taking
my responsibility serisouly. Mom, watch me if you can; stay with me if you can...