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Snow drifted in flurries down the dark December morning. Large flakes of ice rolled across the landscape like a scene from a Christmas commercial. The sun extended its bright holiday lights over the horizon, marking the beginning of gifts and cheer. However, my focus was directed toward the growing emptiness inside me.

“Mama, I thought you said I would get a Christmas present.”

“Sorry, sweetie. Santa won’t be coming this year.”

“But he promised last year…”

I stared at the empty space underneath the toy Christmas tree. “Was I naughty?”

“No, sweetie. You were really good this year. Santa—he just was taking a break and said he would be back next year.”

My vision blurred. I sniffed. “Promise?”

“Promise… hey, you want some breakfast? We still have those Twinkies from last week.”

“No. I’m not hungry.”

“Ok, I’ll save one for you.” Lifting the blankets off the couch, Mama walks to the fridge. “We have some milk too—wait, never mind.” She grabbed two cups from the drying rack and filled them with tap water. “Here, sweetie. It’s good to drink some water when you wake up early.”

She handed me the cup. I wiped my eyes. “Thanks.” I took a sip. The water was cold.

“How is it?” Mama prompted.

“Fine.”

“Oh, sweetie…” Mama sat down next to me. “I’m so sorry for all of this. I—I know that this will all get better soon. Mommy just needs this next job to…” She stopped.

My breath frosted in front of my face. “Mama, will we have warm air today?”

“Maybe. I don’t know if the air will be heated, though.” She fidgeted with some buttons on the wall. The vents remained coldly silent. “I guess not. Here, let me see if Mommy can find some more blankets for us.” She walked to the other side of the apartment and rummaged through a pile of laundry.

I stared out into the snowy sunrise. The neighborhood across the street began to stir, lights flickering on in bedrooms and living rooms. Through the windows, I watched children jump around well-lit halls in their pajamas. I watched a mother and a father greet each other with kisses and bright smiles, and brothers hug sisters in the comforting arms of a fireplace. I watched a family gather around a tree—an actual, living Christmas tree—exchange red and green wrapped presents.

“Oh, would you look at that!” Mama waltzed over to the couch. “Look what I found!” It was a tattered wool sweater with a faint image of Rudolph embedded on the front.

Mama looked out the window and saw the neighbors. Her feigned enthusiasm died.“Oh, darling… things will be better next year, I’ll be sure of it.”

I didn’t say anything.

Mama continued. “You know what? I just gave Santa a call yesterday. He said to me '—*in a scruffy old man’s voice*—’ Ho-ho-ho! I am sorry I can’t be here this year, but I am going to save up a BIG present for Aiden next Christmas. You just wait!”

“No…”

“No?”

“Santa’s never going to be here.”

【红霞译文】

十二月昏暗的早晨雪花飘舞，厚厚的冰层像圣诞节广告场景那样覆盖大地，太阳将节日的光芒撒向地平线上，标志着拆看礼物与惊喜雀跃的开始。然而，我的注意力却集中在自身日趋空虚的内心世界。

“妈，我以为您说过我会收到圣诞礼物。”

“对不起，宝宝，今年圣诞老人来不了啦。”

“但他去年发誓……”

我盯着玩具圣诞树下那块空地， “我调皮吗？”

“不，宝宝，今年你真得很棒，圣诞老人——刚好休假，说是明年再来。”

我眼眶湿润，“保证？”

“保证……嘿，你想吃早餐吗？家里还有上周剩的夹心蛋糕。”