發表評論-雪梅-萬維博客-萬維讀者網（電腦版）

凱蒂和克雷格是密西根州一戶普通的美國家庭，他們有3個親生的孩子，從2012年開始計劃收養有特殊需求的孩子，2013年從廣州收養了一位5歲的患有地中海貧血症的中國男孩，2015年又分別從河南信陽和江西南昌收養了兩位4歲的中國女盲童（天生盲眼症），從開始準備收養到把孩子領回家，這條路非常顛簸、辛苦和掙扎，當然也有很多喜樂和甘甜，凱蒂用她優美細膩的文字記錄下這個漫長的收養之旅，感謝我們的志願者，現在這10萬多字的翻譯已經初步完成，我們從現在開始逐步在公眾號中分享給大家。

2012年5月8日，星期二

美國人的收養理念

Katie Hurst

上帝真的在挑戰我對收養的看法。我一直以為自己在收養這件事上很開放，但是後來我意識到這種想法恰恰顯出了我的驕傲自大。我考慮的是我自己，我。我腦子想的都是我，總是我。當然，我用屬靈的術語進行了包裝，但所思所想都還是關於我自己。為什麼我總是考慮自己？為什麼不能全身心單單仰望耶穌，常常思想祂呢，這難道不就是謙卑的定義嗎——少考慮自己，多思想耶穌。

當我停下來思考上帝想要我們在收養和照料孤兒上有何作為，我的那些理念就被砸碎了，意識到我在拒絕祂，我的心都碎了。我在拒絕上帝呼召我們去照顧的那些人中的最卑微者。為什麼中國那些健康的嬰孩可以進到一個五年排期等候收養的清單，而破碎的、患病的孩子卻任由生死都還是孤兒？這個過程中基督在哪裡？

作為美國基督徒，我們持有這種消費理念在我們的收養中，說這話時也包括我自己在內，因為我正看到它清清楚楚地擺在我面前，我期待得到一些回報，我覺得我有權利。

我會痛苦地對你坦白。事實是，我看着那些孤兒和患重病的孩子，一部分的我正把臉轉到一邊，因為，老天啊，如果我要花掉我可憐的積蓄和奉獻去領一個孤兒回家，我肯定不想他死在我這！我為這句話里的自私而心碎。我怎麼長久以來一直為孤兒呼號奔走，而沒看見自己內心的黑暗？在談論那些永遠不會有家的孤兒的“悲傷”案例時，我是如何跟其他人點頭回應的？我怎麼沒有趕緊去幫助和保護他們，並告訴自己和其他人，不管他們的生命可能如何短暫，他們仍然值得我們的愛？阿爸天父啊，請寬恕我！

這周發生了令人震驚的事情，我聽說一個正在要收養一個小女孩的家庭，小女孩跟我們要收養的小男孩情況一樣，他們的女兒在他們完成收養前就死了。當我質疑我們的自己的收養時，也會有類似的遭遇。

如果他沒有熬到收養完成怎麼辦？如果我們花光了我們有的每一分錢，在我能把他抱在我懷裡並告訴他他被愛着之前，他就死了怎麼辦？他是不是還值得付出這樣的代價？情感代價和經濟代價？我知道，這聽起來有多可怕。我聽到這些問題在我腦海里跑馬穿梭，還有這周其他人跟我們說過的話，我能感覺到天父的心碎，就在我考慮這些代價的時候。

事實是我如此不配，我不配被上帝收養，我不配被上帝使用，我不配稱祂為我的父。但是他不是去看我多麼不配，而是看基督使我變得多麼配得。在祂的孩子的彌留之際，即使奄奄一息有時只剩幾分鐘，祂也會救他們。祂叫着他們的名字，把他們抱在懷裡，當他們呼吸最後一口氣時，哪怕他們只成為祂的孩子僅僅幾分鐘。

所以，我細想祂，我思慮祂對孤兒的呼召。我思量祂是多麼的配得，祂一直在呼召我們去看護這些孩子們。祂一直在告訴我們去抱這些孩子，不管時間可能是多久。難過的事實是，我可能永遠不會把我兒子攬抱懷中，我可能永遠不會親吻他的小腦袋或對他耳語我多麼愛他，但是我知道，祂正在低聲訴說祂的愛給我的兒子，而上帝的愛綽綽有餘。

我所知道的是上帝已告訴我去嘗試，所以我會去嘗試。為了有可能救一個孩子，我會付出我所有的一切，但更重要的是，我將付出我所有的一切來追隨我的天父。所有讚美都歸給祂，所有的讚美都歸給配得的那位主，所有的讚美都歸給擁抱所有不配的並稱他們為祂的孩子的那位祂，所有讚美都歸給祂。

翻譯：鄭健校對：王海濱盧靖鄭瓊

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

American Ideals in Adoption

God has really been challenging me in my own views of adoption. I always considered myself to be very open in terms of adopting. But then I realize how proud and arrogant that makes me. I considered myself. Me. I was thinking of me, always me. Sure, I couched it in spiritual terms, but the heart was still about me. Why do I consider myself so often? Why don't I instead focus all my energy on Christ and consider Him? Isn't that the very definition of humility? Considering myself less and considering Him more?

When I stop to consider what God wants of us in adoption and orphan care，my ideals are shattered. My heart is broken with the realization that I refuse Him. I refuse the least of these that He calls us to watch over. Why is there a five-year waiting list for healthy young babies in China while the broken ones, the sick ones are left to live and die as orphans? Where is Christ in that?

We as American Christians have this consumer ideal in our adoptions. I include myself in that statement, because I see it staring me in my face. I expect something in return. I feel entitled.

I'm going to be painfully open with you. The truth is I look at the orphans and the children with significant disease and a part of me turns my face away because dog-gone-it if I am going to spend my little savings and sacrifice to bring an orphan home I sure as heck don't want him dying on me! My heart breaks at the selfishness of that statement. How have I lived so long advocating for the orphan and not see that blackness in my own heart? How have I nodded my head along with others in conversations about those "sad" cases that will never have a home? How have I not rushed to their aid and defense and told myself and others that they are still worthy of our love however short their time may be? Father God, forgive me!

It has hit so close to home this week as I heard of a family adopting a girl with the same condition as our little guy and their daughter died before they were able to complete the adoption. It hit close to home as I questioned our own adoption. What if he doesn't make it? What if we spend every dime we have and he dies before I can hold him in my arms and tell him he was loved? Is he still worth the cost, the emotional cost, the financial cost? I know how awful that sounds. I've listened to those questions run through my mind and been voiced by others this week to us and I have felt my Father's heart breaking as I considered the cost to me.

The truth is I am so unworthy. I am unworthy to be adopted by God. I am unworthy to be used by Him. I am unworthy to call Him my Father. But instead of seeing how unworthy I am He sees how worthy Christ has made me. He saves His children on their death bed when they sometimes have just minutes left. He calls them by name and hold them in His arms while they breathe their final breath even if they have been His child for only a few minutes.

So, I consider Him. I consider His call to the orphans. I consider how worthy He is and He has called us to care for these children. He has told us to hold them for however long that might be. The ugly truth is that I may never hold my son in my arms. I may never kiss his little head or whisper to him how very much I love him. But I know that He is whispering of His love to my son and that my God's love is more than enough.

What I know is that God has told me to try and so I will try. I will give everything I have for the possibility of saving one, but more importantly I will give everything I have to follow my Father. All praise to Him. All praise to the one Who is so worthy. All praise to Him Who holds the unworthy and calls them His own. All praise to Him.