Cover of The Pearl by Penguin Classics

Another disastrous play at the poker table last night. Had a hard time making the right decision upon big bets from other players. And I was disgusted with Tim selling me his seat for $30. There was something cold, disgraceful and belittling in his bargain, and I accepted it, how silly I am. Afterwards I became disgusted with myself --- for I've allowed people to take advantage of me like disparting a dead fish on the cutting board.

But it's not unlike many other bad nights. You are supposed to get used to things that happen constantly, but in this case the game is so intense that you never build up immunity to it. Frustrated with the failure and exhilarated on the victory, over and over, poker players never learn how to relax.

Spent the whole afternoon at Karakter on Simpson Bay beach. On the sea it was windy and the waves rushing to the shore like an entire army charging forward, inexhaustably. The temperature was cool and comfortable. I ordered an espresso, a housesalad and later on, a glass of red wine, which in turn, gave me a quick lift, a sense of well being and a little indulgence. What a joyful triology. I even finished reading John Steinbeck's The Pearl. A sad story about the lost innocence of civilized man. Somehow its style reminds me of Wang Ka Wei's film. Both are crafty, pretentious yet beautiful.

                            front view of Karakter

While I was reading, eating, drinking and watching the clouds gathering and dispersing over the deep blue horizon, the waiter, a Dutch man in his late 20s or early 30s, came by a few times to set up the umbrella, the torch and then tried to drag his two lovely dogs away from my food. He's very blonde with a well-built body; On his face a touch of somberness so subtle, almost unrecognizable, covered under a bright smile. Under his t-shirt sleeves on his upper left arm, I spotted tatoos in Chinese characters. It must have quite a few but I only saw the last two characters. They are unusual words even in a tatoo fashion. In Chinese they were written as "牛双".   Intrigued, I decided to ask him about it  on my next visit.

                                         a little sketch from the beach

Around 6 pm the jazz band started. Against the sea wind, under the red umbrella there I was, sipping the wine on my own. The sunset over the ocean was beautiful and serene,  but a dash of unknown uneasiness, rising from within myself,  broke the tranquility. I left the bar without finishing the wine.

The story of the Pearl replayed in my head on my way driving back home. Despite its sophisticate language and vivid description, the story irritated me, as it is so predictable. The entire book is well crafted and polished like a perfect pearl. I liked it but nothing passionate comes out of me upon and after reading it.

In this book Steinbeck wrote a few lines that I liked very much.  He wrote, " It is not good to want a thing too much. It sometimes drives the luck away. You must want it just enough, and you must be very tactful with God or the gods." 

How many times I failed to things for which I've longinged too much. By wanting them too much I got lost.

Jan 30, sxm