it has not been easy to adjust from a bride/wife to a mom. i didn\'t have a smooth delivery. i pushed for 2.5 hours which is beyond the 2 hour normal limit. yet her head is still too big for my pelvis and i have to go through a Csection. i never imagined such a painful delivery when i was pregnant.  then my incision was not fully healed after 2 weeks of the C-section and there is virtually a hole of 1 inch on my belly.  even worse, joyce is not latching on well and my milk is far from enough for her.  i was so stressed and even a bit depressed in the first 2 weeks after the delivery.

 

i was asking God, why he allows this happen to me?  isn\'t true that the bible says the women who are fearful to God will have a blessed delivery? wasn\'t I fearful to God and tried to learn His Words when I was free during the pregnancy?  didn\'t i read Psalm 139 to Joyce almost everyday during pregnancy?  didn\'t I listen to so many sermans?  wasn\'t I praying a lot?  why should He treat me like this?  Or, wasn\'t this whole christian belief is just a psychological explaination to the weak ones.  is the bible really the truth? does an almighty and loving God really exist?

 

I then talked to two sisters in my church and of course with my hubby as well.  i am still not fully recovered from the wound and my milk is still very not sufficient for her.  but I stop doubting about God\'s existance. he allows this happen to me because He wants me to know Him personally.  what happend to me is far from tragic or even unfortunate.  i was just too fragile and emotional.  God wants me to be a strong woman and he is preparing me to be a strong mom.  

 

anyway, Joyce is one month old today@_@   i think she is growing more like me, esp her nose and mouth.  oh, also she is a bit cleaning-phobia 洁癖, just like her mom!!