I like Carly's this diary especially it's
finished as school's assignment. It reminds me what I turned in my diary
homework when I was at her age (between 10 and 11). I remember my diary
assignment show no any sign of my real thought. It can be said really faked,
exagerated and empty. In her diary, I can feel what she was really feeling. So
I understand a lot times, all the small steps are big steps in their inner
world when they grow. They need to conquer a lot of self-consciousness, inner
fear.
Sometimes I just wonder what I look like in
front of other people and what they are thinking. I am always thinking I did
something weird, like when I jumped in the pool at swimming practice. There are
so many things I'm worried about these days. Science, grammar, and even social
studies, and I don't even have time to worry about making friends.
It all started when I went swimming when the coach told us to dive in the pool.
Butterflies immediately appeared in my stomach. As other people were busy
making fun of each other and laughing, I stood there and wondered about what I
would look like. Humpty Dumpty that fell off the wall?
As more seconds passed, the coach finally called me up. Uh-oh. I had the exact
feeling like Kevin in The Wonder Years. Time slowed down. Everything appeared
in slow motion. Finally, I jumped in. I swam like a shark was after me. Finally
I finished. I climbed out slowly. For a millionth of a second, there was this
awkward silence. Then my team all started giving me hi-fives. "Hey Carly,"
a voice behind me said. "We won!"
But even after the victory, I wondered the same thing: what did I look like
when I dove in the pool? It doesn't really matter after all, but that's just
one of the things I may never know...
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