藤儿点评：中国人旅游/谋生到海外，可以不学英语，但是，却不能做到不说英语。
那么，不愿意花时间、花力气去学英语的中国人，在遇到必须要说英语的时候，怎么办？
当然，只有没有办法的办法。遇到必须讲英语时，就急中生智，按照你讲中文的方式，直接把你的中国话翻译成Chinese English——Chinglish。这样的Chinglish，肯定会让听你讲话的鬼佬/鬼婆一头雾水。不过，莫担心啦！他们现在已经和Chinglish较上劲了，自己会尽力去搞懂的！
想得要领，就拜前辈们为师，看看他们是如何创作自己的Chinglish的......
有一点得提提醒：哪就是如果你在海外干了犯法的事情，千万不要讲英文啦。连你的Chinglish都不要说一个字母。鬼佬/鬼婆急得团团转，就会掏钱去给你请翻译！万一他/她们在法定拘留期限内(比如因为警察局没钱)找不到翻译，就只好依法撤销对你的拘留和指控，将你无罪释放。这样，你就合法地，永远逍遥法外了！
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来源：侨报 2015-09-20
捏着鼻子也得学 老外和中式英文较上劲
偶尔看到一则消息，说是有华人在加拿大开了一个英语班，不是教华人学英语，而是教当地人学中式英语。这个班很火，学员不少，刚一开班就有二十来个学员，而且还有发展势头。这说明两点，第一，中国人大摇大摆浩浩荡荡地进军北美了；第二，中国人的汉语已经大规模入侵英语了。这就给北美（美国和加拿大）人民带来了新课题。如果再不学会中式英语，冷不丁见了中式英语头晕头大头疼，那您就Out了。
什么是中式英语？简单说就是用汉语的思维方式和语法从嘴里往外蹦英语单词和句子。举例说：心花怒放（Heart flower angrily open）、好好学习，天天向上（Good good study, day day up）、我明天去上海（I tomorrow go to Shanghai）、好久不见（Long time no see）、好好吃（Good good eat ）、好多（Good many）、驴打滚（Rolling donkey）、四喜丸子（4 Happy Meatballs）、夫妻肺片（Husban and wife lungslice）、童子鸡（Chicken without sex experience）、人山人海（People mountain people sea）、你问我我问谁（You ask me，me ask who）……还有好多呢，朋友们上网查，更精彩。
中国人学英语的热情是全民性的，聪明绝顶的中国人想方设法把学英语的过程和时间尽量压缩，速成班比比皆是。记得有一个陕西地图出版社编纂的小册子，用中文标注英文，餐馆里要菜单，“The Menu， please”的中文标注是“热门妞，普丽丝”。说实话，这种小册子挺害人的，英语没学会，先学会陕西口音了。
不过这事儿还的从正能量方面看。语言既然是人说话交流意思的工具，就挡不住互相打架入侵和渗透。几十年几百年下来，你中有我，我中有你。早期是英语入侵汉语，当代是中文入侵英文。早期招人笑掉牙的洋泾浜英语，现在说起来也没人笑话了，反倒朗朗上口。另外，汉语的字库词库也因为外来因素而更加丰富。现在中国人常说的“沙发”，“拖拉机”，几乎没人觉那是外来词，而像OK、拜拜这样的词汇，连街边卖菜的大妈都懂得。只可惜“特灵风”（Telephone——电话）没有落地生根，“德”先生和“赛”先生也杳无音信了。
汉语大规模入侵英语是现在的事儿。中国人一来，不是悄悄地，而是大张旗鼓地改变了当地人的生活形态。美国朋友以前很少看见的方块字，已经满大街都是了。美国人不论哪个族裔，都知道Toufu（豆腐）和（Kungfu）功夫中国人带来的。另外，中文的纹身也变成是一种时尚，美国的年轻人趋之若鹜。可见，热爱中国文化的美国年轻人不在少数。
我相信“存在就有道理”。中国人到了海外，尤其到了美国，说不好英语没关系，胡乱说一气也没人觉得好奇。美国是个移民国家，全世界的精英和歪瓜劣枣都在这里混。混的好的在纽约，混的惨的也在纽约，没有谁笑话谁的顾虑。进不去证券交易所，在街上呆呆总可以吧？豪宅没有，豪宅附近公园里的椅子上总可以躺躺吧？流利的英语不会说，但谁也拦不住咱说流利的中式英语吧？
中式英语中在美国落地生根开花结果是必然的事儿。一向认为除了英语不需要再学别的语言的美国人，现在感觉不一样了。中国人一来，逐渐形成自己的社区，并且不断扩张。这儿的中国移民，不说英语照样能生活，而可这难为了不懂中文和中式英语的美国警察，关键时候真耽误事儿。
不仅警察和消防急救人员首先必须认识和了解中式英语，就连打劫的歹徒也觉得不学点中文混不下去了。不信？2014年1月份阿拉巴马州的一位白人劫匪到中餐馆打劫，由于不会中文，而店里的跑堂也不会英文，打劫的这位白人“老哥”就只得怏怏地开路了。
一般情况下，来到美国的移民，都要学会英语才能混世，可中国人偏偏不按牌理出牌惯了，在美国不用英文也能过一辈子，而到了非用英语不可的时候，给你蹦出几句中式英语，说得你混天地黑，根本找不着北。所以，一贯傲慢的美国人也得放下身段，就和着虚心聆听这中式英语到底要表达什么意思。现在美国大城市的警察，学着已经能初步判断是广东英语还是山东英语、厦门口语还是江门口音。美国人发誓，没办法，捏着鼻子也得学会中式英语。之所以能有现在这么大的进步和成就，被逼的。
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来源：dailymail.co.uk/news
Foreign suspects are being released from police custody due to lack of interpreters
By Daily Mail Reporter
Updated: 16:19 GMT, 3 March 2012
Foreign crime suspects are being released from police stations before they are questioned because cost-cutting has caused a shortage of interpreters.
In one case it took West Midlands Police two weeks to find an interpreter for someone who had volunteered to make a statement in an Asian language.
A new Framework Agreement contract for interpreting services, awarded to translation services company Applied Language Solutions (ALS) in November 2011, was supposed to save West Midlands Police £750,000 every year.
Foreign suspects are leaving police custody because there are no interpreters to assist in their questioning
But the police force has a shortage of interpreters because many will not sign up to the deal as the conditions and pay are worse than they had before the deal was made.
Rather than save money this has meant the scheme is increasing costs as the force has had to bring in more expensive interpreters from Leeds and Manchester to cover.
Police chiefs have been forced to admit the shortages have meant a small number of foreign suspects, arrested for low-level crimes such as shoplifting, have had to be freed on bail before questioning.
A police spokesman said in all cases where the suspect was released on police bail they had returned to the station to answer questions at a later date.
Geoffrey Buckingham, chairman of the Association of Police and Court Interpreters (APCI) and spokesman for campaign group Interpreters for Justice - set up to get the framework scrapped - called for the immediate end of the arrangement, which came into effect on January 30.
He said the Government was already 'reaping the whirlwind' created by the deal, and it would only get worse.
'There's a colossal number of examples of failures of ALS to supply and some catastrophes have ensued. You don't have to be a genius to work out the sort of sums that are involved. They look enormous and they are.'
Money is being wasted in the courts because of unqualified or inexperienced interpreters
He said working on the basis of 320 magistrates courts in England and Wales, and a rough average of two interpreter cases a day, then the rough cost of £1,000 to adjourn a case, the sums of money wasted because of unqualified or inexperienced interpreters was huge.
'One hundred cases a week, times 320, times £1,000 equals £3.2 million,' he said.
'That's how much, in magistrates courts alone, this contract is costing - that doesn't take into account police costs, nor prison costs.
'These are fundamental breaches of human rights, and what's going to happen when cases fall apart at crown court because it's discovered that the translation of a witness statement or victim statement is completely wrong?'
ALS has responded to the criticisms of the system by saying it has 'implemented significant improvements' to deal with the problems.
A Ministry of Justice spokesman said: 'There have been an unacceptable number of problems in the first weeks of the contract and we have asked the contractor to take urgent steps to improve performance.
'They have put measures in place to resolve these issues and we have already seen a marked improvement.'
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