From "Streams in the Desert" June 27
When the child is ill, and the mother stands by in comparative impotence, how severe is the test! But to do nothing,
just to sit still and wait, requires tremendous strength.

“The Lord is my strength!” “Our sufficiency is of God.”

 My daughter is jumping and galloping around the swimming pool - she has been sick with high fever for 5 days since last Wednesday, our Medical Missionary Trip is on Saturday, June 30, 2012. She recovered fully  Tuesday, June 26, 2012.

Looking back,it has been a spiritial warfare.I know God has lifted me up to walk with him on the water - he put me through trials to grow my faith in him, remind me his love and forgiveness for us when we were still in sin, and all I had to do was to stay still and wait for the LORD!

  My memory flashed back to last Tuesday, June 19, 2012. As we are getting closer to the missionary trip, many friends and family members told me it is not appropriate to bring a 5 year old to a place with such a poor living condition. My faith in the Lord start waivering and on the way back home from work, I thought about Abraham and his son, sighed and prayed:"Lord, if the Ecuador trip is going to be like that, if turns out my daughter will be deadly sick, I am not ready to sacrifice her to you yet, I just can't!"

  On Wednesday (June 20, 2012) morning, without any sign, my 5 year old daughter has a fever of 101.7, and it kept shooting up to as high as 103.8. My immediate thought was:"God is punishing me for not being faithful enough with him, but my faith is not there yet." Called doctor's office and since there were no signs of other symptoms, the registered nurse suggested to use Tylenol and observe at home for 72 hours.

  On Thursday (June 21, 2012) morning when I opened "Streams in the Desert" (it was on June 23), "Don’t Look at the Waves", God tells me:
"When the Lord shall call to you over the waters, “Come,” step gladly forth. Look not for a moment away from Him."
 "Not by measuring the waves can you prevail; not by gauging the wind will you grow strong; to scan the danger may be to fall before it; to pause at the difficulties, is to have them break above your head. Lift up your eyes unto the hills, and go forward-there is no other way."

  I realized God is inviting me to walk on the water with him, as I am about to step out of the boat, I looked down at the waves and felt dizzy. As much as I wanted to be submissive to God's will, is it God inviting me to walk with Him, or is it His will to leave my daughter behind in US? If it is just my blind faith and my misunderstanding of God's will, it might cause my daughter's life if I were to insist bringing her to Ecuador with us.

  Struggling with the thoughts, I called a church friend who have helped me many times spiritually, she first reminded me that anything from God is out of love, we should focus on his love when going through trials rather than thinking it is a punishment, and get ourselves more depressed and stay further from God. Then she suggested that I ask for a clear sign on June 28, 2012, to fully understand God's will and obey him. The conversation with her reminded me of God's words and His promises:
Rom 8:28  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

Pro 16:3  Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. 
Pro 16:4  The LORD works out everything for his own ends- even the wicked for a day of disaster. 

  On Friday (June 21, 2012), my daughter has been staying between 101-103 for 3 days, the fever reducer only helped her to go down from 103 to 101. Especially at night, she held my hand and fell asleep, but her body was so hot, I could barely sleep without worrying not only the trip, but my daughter herself has never been this sick, and we were a few days away from our trip to Ecuador. Both I and my husband were worn out with lack of sleep for a few days. Praise the Lord! My husband suddnenly
chuckled and said:" It is good that our daughter has fever now two weeks before our trip, so she God has given her time to fully recover next week!". From that moment, I was able to unload my worries and rest in the Lord.
 
 Friday evening, my daughter started to have stuffy nose and sore throat. At night, other than her hot body, I could hear her struggling breathing through her mouth, when she subconciously breathe through her nose, there would be loud noise coming out of her nose because of the severe congestion she had.

  On Saturday (June 22, 2012),  We took her to the doctor and was relieved it was just flu or cold, but she is too little to have any antibiotics. I remembered in Pastor Jiang(1) Xiu(4) Qin(2)'s Gospel Preaching, there was a sister giving testimonies on she rebuked the diseases and recovered and has not been sick for 9 years. I realized that we need to proclaim the victory even before we receive help from the Lord, give thanks in our prayer. So I started teaching my daughter to repeat:"Dear God, thank you for curing me from my fever. I rebuke my fever, I rebuke my stuffy nose, I rebuke my sore throat! In Jesus name we pray, Amen!" My daughter said it in such assurances in her tone, that I felt shamed not always have the faith in the Lord - that's why we got to turn back to be like children.

  On Sunday (June 23, 2012), while my daughter was taking a nap. I read a book by Wang(1) Chun(2) Yi(2) "He(2) Deng(3) Qi(2) Miao(4)" (何等奇妙). I was struck by a story on a lady stating God does not listen to prayers, because she volunteered to pray
for someone who has mental disease, and the person that has mental disease has gotten worse and worse by her prayers, and eventually died. So Wang(1) Chun(2) Yi(2) rebuked her:"Are you in God's place to make the decision that you could cure her through prayers? Your self-pride has condemned you! Not God!" I knelt down right away on my knees and repent to God what a huge mistake that I have made - I was touched to go on the missionary trip, but I am not in God's place to make decision to have my whole family go on to the trip. I should have prayed full heartedly for God's guidance on how I should carry out the plan for missionary trip. My own pride has taken precedence of God's will! I repented for God's forgiveness and prayed for God's help and take control from this moment - with my fully submission to his will. Our church also put an item on the prayer request for the whole church to pray for my daughter to recover.

  On Monday (June 24, 2012), my daughter was fever free. Her nose was clear without any congestions. Monday evening, we held a prayer meeting at our home, I could feel God's existence as church friends pray for our trip together. My faith in Lord was strong again and I was re-assured from brothers and sisters from our church even I might have misunderstood God's will, just be still, in total surrender to God's will, and wait for the LORD.

   On Tuesday (June 25, 2012), my daughter went to a new summer camp, and was as healthy as nothing has happened to her. God
has used this to give me a leap of faith! It also gave us an alert to take this trip seriously, we started planning to pack
basic medicines we might need and a list of things that we never thought we might need in certain conditions at Ecuador.

   On Wednesday (June 26, 2012), full of rejoice and grateful feeling from the creator of the universe, I can read out loud joyfully from today's devotion:

Psa 27:13  I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. 
Psa 27:14  Wait for the LORD ; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD . 

  Lord, I will be in full surrender of your will and know that no matter what is going to happen in Ecuador, you will always be there with us with compassion and love for us!