It doesn’t matter anymore

(I Look for You)

It doesn’t matter anymore.

Though, wherever I go, I still look for you.

I look for you at the empty bench in between the malls,

Where you sat beside me with shining smiles at me

With sweet voices into my ears then into my heart

But now even the bench is silent,

Only soft laughter in the breeze from others

I look for you near the fountain,

Where water splashed and glistened in the sun,

Each drop catching the light,

Much like your eyes when they met mine.

The rhythm of the water still echoes,

But even the little dog that carries your laughter is nowhere.

I look for the figure, running like dancing,

Nobody can run in your way, even the fairy.

Your steps light as air,

But my heart beats fast.

Now you are not here,

Not here anymore.

But you should at least

leave your shadow on the ground

where you ran over like dancing.

I look for you in every restaurant,

Where we shared many a thing over the candlelight,

Where the scent of food was always sweet.

Remember you said you want to try out each restaurant

But only with me?

All the tables are with others,

How do the meals taste like?

I look for you in the gym,

Where you faced up and lifted the weights.

When you took off the hairclip and clip it on your shirt,

You clipped my heart to you

And it never went off but always with your lustered skin and elegant arms.

I look for you beside me,

In the passenger seat,

Where we’d drive with you talking and laughing,

Or with you resting or singing.

Now every drive is longer,

Even with an empty open road.

I look for you when I travel and at the airport,

The rush of people blurring around me,

My eyes are always searching for yours.

Heart pounding with anticipation—

In the same place I stand,

Even if I see you,

It will be somebody else

Who is with you in the crowd,

And yet, I am still looking for you.

Is there a place that doesn’t make me look for you?

Is there a moment when your absence doesn’t find me?

I look for you in every corner,

Every place that holds your memory,

But there is no place anymore

That can stop me from looking for you.

I look for you in the quiet of the night,

In the spaces between dreams,

In the silence that follows.

I search the stars,

Because the stars remember our conversations

beneath them, in the wind.

But it doesn’t matter to me anymore—

Yes, it’s true

I really mean it’s true,

That I still look for you,

But it doesn’t matter anymore.