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beny的博客  
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Return or not – Are we so different ? 2011-04-07 09:02:24

Return or not – Are we so different ?

People would agree that it’s all about personal preferences and choices that some of us stayed abroad and some of us returned to China. We would probably agree that the majority of us stayed.  The questions here are why the majority stayed? And are we so different from those who returned?

Let’s leave all the patriotic talk out for now because people may interpret patriotism so differently.

Let’s talk about the major factors that may affect our decision. I can think of four here: Politic/Social system, Economical concern, Environmental concern, and Cultural comfort. People may place their token more on one factor over another, but on average let’s assume the 4 factors will be balanced out to equal importance.

We will probably all give the edge to China for cultural comfort, which is simple and done.

The dominant majority will probably give the edge to the West for economical and environmental concerns, with very little to debate about.

The key factor here is the political and social system that may make all the difference, because it could also change the economical out come if used properly.

I was on the phone this past weekend with my cousin who had recently returned to Shanghai. She spoke in favour of those beneficiaries of the system that ‘they ONLY have closer and easier access to the resources, but they work hard.’ The conversation stopped right there. What an ‘only’, which could make all the difference. And I know that my cousin is in the ONLY group now.

Let’s answer the question: are we so different from those who returned?

No, we are not. Even toward the political and social system of China, most of all us would agree that China doesn’t have the edge in this regard. But somehow, many of those who returned know, and/or are good at how, or at least willing to take a risk to take advantages  of the system to work for them at the economical and financial end, and many did successfully.

The majority of us, who don’t know, who are not good at how, or who don't want to take advantages of the system in China, therefore stayed simply because the score is a no brainer 3 to 1 in favour of where we are. 

Having said all that, I take my hat off to those who returned to China for either pure patriotism, or for their guts of ‘whatever it will take’.

I also of course cheer with you who stayed to live an ordinary life here.

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Back to China? You Wish 2011-03-23 12:02:44

Back to China? from reality, then possibility, to you wish

 

Return or not, a topic of our life every now and then. For us, it is never in envy of the high life of our peers in China, not the elated satisfaction of being successful many would imagine, nor the hormone driven desperation of ‘love and lustre ’. It is always how feasibly you could re-establish yourself back in China, once your home, with comfort, with ease, with peace of mind, without regret after you lived and experienced a life, longer or shorter, that you believe one should decently live.

Surprisingly, it was quite a reality in the 90s. We actually seriously thought about the return after my PhD graduation. The economy was going fast in China. We felt we could really do something. The political system was far from ideal, but there was still live hope that reform will eventually come after economic success.  The only thing was that we naively thought we should make our first ‘bucket of gold’ before returning home. Like it or not, the short lived reality didn’t wait for us.

Still talking about the possibility of going home shortly after the turn of the century. But only honestly realized that we fell behind simply because we were only making our gold, slowly. But many of our peers were taking and getting, almost everything, money, fame, degrees up to PhD (from U of Clayton, or West Pacific U, or U of Whatever), and other resources including women in China. As a result we were much depreciated in China. You would need a hard fight for some decent positions with all the mixture of real and fakes. You’d barely stand a chance to compete with many local businesses if you wanted to start your own financially or socially. With the flush of returning kids of the rich and the officials, many of whom can hardly write a decent English resume, from overseas schools; unwanted ‘Sea Turtle’ became our name and fate if we dare to try our luck in China.

Now into 2011, back to the question: how feasibly could you re-establish yourself back in China, once your home, with comfort, with ease, with peace of mind, without regret after you lived and experienced a life, longer or shorter, that you believe one should decently live? The answer is ‘you wish’.  Not only, from commercial point of view, we are not hot ‘commodities’ in China any more,  we could hardly even afford ourselves a decent home in many cities in China either.  We are not young anymore and we are not even Chinese anymore to the Chinese government.  That is before we even talk about the political and social construct that drove us away 20 or so years ago. In this regard, the system only gets much worse and rotten, and to a point that we lost our patience, hope and faith for any political reform that may give us an incentive to go back to China, once our home.

We wish…

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A Love Story (10) 2010-11-18 13:12:32

The story presented here is a fiction one may find familiar in the late 1970s and the 80s. The author reserves his copy right to not allow trans posting, publishing, or any other uses for commercial purposes without permission of the author.

 

A Love Story (10)

It was the first time the two of them were ever face to face, who loved the very same guy in jeopardy. Somehow from the first time few months ago when they laid their eyes on each other, Jia knew Qiu’s her competition, and Qiu knew that she wouldn’t stand a chance to win. Everything stayed the same that Qiu’ was in Jia’s way but Jia held all the cards to win over Qiu, if not necessarily to win Yang back.

Jia, even though could be on her knee to beg if necessary, held her arrogance with head tilted up facing Qiu, the village girl she’d call her. She spoke with mighty firmness that her uncle was in the judiciary system, that Yang’s conviction was only a matter of time. Then she would come back to the school to have him also dismissed with the court verdict, and to have him sent off to Xinjiang or Xizang as she wish. Jia then told Qiu that only Qiu could save Yang if she doesn’t want all these to happen, by simply giving up Yang who doesn’t belong to her. Then Jia would take care of Yang who was hers anyways. Qiu, with the helpless and the saddest look, agreed to Jia that she would do anything to save Yang’s future, begging Qiu in tears and broken heart to take good care of Yang. Qiu almost collapsed physically with the thought that maybe it’s her fate to not have Yang in her life.

Things happened so dramatically so that it was too late when Yang finally realized something was going on at Qiu and when he finally got there. Qiu and her newlywed husband had left the town for their ‘honeymoon’ with only a note to Yang, for Qiu knew Yang would come and she didn’t want Yang to face the embarrassment. Yang, had not cried ever since he was a grown man, cried so loudly as if his lung would be exploded and as if the light in his life was poured off. His heart was shattered in pieces that he could feel deep pain from his spinal to the tip of his finger, while reading the note that goes: how many tinkling stars are there in the sky? You are my brightest one of all. He hardly spoke to anybody for a long long time ever after.

The case against Yang was withdrew by Jia as she promised to Qiu. But Yang refused to even see her without withdrawing his divorce petition. Jia thought Yang needed some time to heal. So she waited for a while but only to see her court service for the divorce hearing. They finally got a divorce after a lengthy hearing, with hurt feelings and broken hearts. It was beyond comprehension that how a love story end up with three extremely broken hearts and saddest souls.

Yang finished his graduate study very strong. He was accepted with assistantship by a few schools in the US. He went to escape his sorrow and to find a new life in the US.

 

The End

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A Love Story (9) 2010-11-17 10:35:46

The story presented here is a fiction one may find familiar in the late 1970s and the 80s. The author reserves his copy right to not allow trans posting, publishing, or any other uses for commercial purposes without permission of the author.

 

A Love Story (9)

Time flied again, a semester was about to end. Yang had missed Qiu so much. But with a busy schedule for studies, research and teaching, plus all the hassles dealing with authorities on top of that, Yang hardly had time to even think too much about their future, not to mention a visit to Qiu. He promised himself that he would go to see Qiu when the semester is over. Qiu on the other hand had secretly visited the school and Yang, but only standing far away from Yang with tears and heart ache to watch him during her visit. She missed him so much, but couldn’t dare to rush into his arm to hug him and kiss him for she was so afraid that would put Yang in even worse position.

There was finally a meeting, extended to members outside of the Party general committee, called by the Party general committee of the university to discuss and to vote for Yang’s future. With voices from the academic communities and the fact that Yang married Jia when he was technically admitted to his graduate program, Yang was issued a disciplinary warning without being sent off. It was a triumph for people who supported Yang. Even though felt being insulted, Yang decided to take it anyways to finally have peace.

The peace didn’t last long before Yang got a civil court order to report for a family violence and women abuse case against him by Jia.  He answered the service order and filed a petition for divorce finally. But he had no idea that lot of people were in the rural community Qiu was at. The court staff members, as requested by the plaintiff, were there to gather evidence that if Yang committed adultery with Qiu causing mental and psychological damage to Jia. Jia’s parents were also there trying to persuade Qiu to collaborate with them to testify against Yang, with a threat that they would put her in the court as adultery accomplice otherwise.

Qiu was in the center of storm again, with much serious accusation this time comparing to just rumours a few months back. It’s only a small town. Qiu and her family’s reputation were at stake. Qiu’s family couldn’t take it anymore. So the family asked her to admit nothing, and asked her to choose one out of several guys who were in the pursuit of her to get married. It happened that another teacher of her, who’ had been Yang’s colleague and been loving and helping Qiu all these time, was helping Qiu to cope with the situation. Qiu’s family somehow implied that they want him to propose to Qiu, and he did. Qiu at the beginning, didn’t even want to talk and think about it. She loved Yang so much that she’d rather die than marry someone else. But the pressure was so tremendous that she had to think about the family and Yang’s possible damage too. Her final resistance to the proposal to marry her teacher vanished when Jia showed up.

To be continued

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A Love Story (8) 2010-11-15 12:50:16

The story presented here is a fiction one may find familiar in the late 1970s and the 80s. The author reserves his copy right to not allow trans posting, publishing, or any other uses for commercial purposes without permission of the author.

 

A Love Story (8)

 

Yang’s divorce incident was quite a topic and a much debated subject around the campus, and among the college communities in the city. In the round after round of condemning and ‘moral education’ by different authority functioning branches, Yang got so tired and speechless. He insisted on only one thing as advised by those who tried to save him from being dismissed that he married Jia after he was technically admitted into the graduate school if not so official with a formal admission letter, meaning Yang’s social status had already been changed when he married Jia in regarding to the accusation. That alone put the accusation of Yang being a ChenShiMei kind of figure groundless. As the whole thing rolled along, the authorities found themselves in a very awkward position and dilemma as to what to do with Yang, with all the exposures and voices from the academic communities. So it went to a kind of pause state for a while with Jia’s family still working their way to get Yang.

Jia was in deep pain and regret in fact. The whole thing was developed way out of her initial intention and out of control. She loved Yang, so much even though a little too obsessive and too bossy, and in her aggressive and controlling way. She didn’t want a divorce. In the thick of things starting with the ‘cold war’, along with the family offense to Yang, till the involvement of the authorities, Jia ‘s intention was to intimidate, and to ‘give some colour’ to Yang so that he would come to her knee and be her winning trophy again. She overestimated the foundation of their love and marriage, which were never pure and sound. She didn’t realize what changed was not Yang’s social status but his heart. She should’ve known that abusing of power could back fire on her. She couldn’t even control her own family’s rage of being betrayed by Yang, nor could she alter their determination to bring Yang down. In desperation, Jia decided to see Yang herself.

Jia was never so calm. She apologized to Yang about all the hustles imposed to Yang. And told Yang how much she still loves him and asked if they had a second chance. Yang, mixed with all the love and hate, was very calm too. He thanked Jia for loving him even in a blizzard way. And apologized to Jia about his immaturity and irresponsibility to accept Jia’s proposal for marriage and to any hurt feeling the motion for divorce might’ve caused to Jia. Paused for a bit, Yang decided to be completely honest to Jia. He told Jia that he didn’t think the marriage between them is going to work with all the differences between the two personalities. And the worst of all, he didn’t love her any more. ‘Because of that village girl?’ Jia jumped on right away. Yang nodded, adding it was not her fault, it’s his. By that time, Jia had stormed out of the door already with a big slam.

To be Continued.

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