这是我为学校的Catharsis Literary Magazine投的稿。 以下的内容全为编造，如有雷同纯属巧合。 Sonata of Death Told by Meixia Qiu Recorded by Jianqin Wang August 13, 20XX Sanhe City Jail, Women's block 11:36 A.M. First Movement: The Song of Ruin I wasn't born to be evil. Everyone who knows me remember me as the sweet, caring 16-year-old who was always smiling and optimistic. No one would believe that a year later, the angel had become a demon. Even now, as I sit in this cold, empty cell, I still cannot believe what I've done. I killed my brother. No, not killed. That sounds too nice, as if it weren't completely my fault. I murdered him. How did that happen? As I stay here, alone, awaiting my trial, I've thought over my story multiple times... and now I think I know why. How and why things came to be... MNM I grew up in an affluent family, with loving parents and an adorable younger brother. My brother and I were smart, talented, and loved by our friends and teachers. The future was bright open to us; we had nothing, nothing to worry about. Things started going out of hand once we moved to China. Dad had got a promotion, and he needed to move back to China to be able to tackle the job. Mom decided that she wanted to go with Dad. Seeing as we had no relatives in America, my brother and I had to move too. Not that we cared. This was like an adventure for us: finally, some color in our bleak lives. We moved to a small town on the borderline between Hebei province and the capital city Beijing. Crime rates were high: the town averaged three murders a day. School started. My brother and I fit in easily, as we had spent a year refining our Chinese in intensive training camps. Our family was happy; Dad could come home every day for dinner, and my brother and I both ranked at the top of our class. But good things never last. For a long time, things were rough between the girls at our school and me. The reason was absolutely ridiculous: it was because I was "popular" with the guys. I would joke around with them, treat them like my own brothers, while the other girls only watched from afar. As my identity as an "American girl" was slowly revealed, I became an object of desire. Every boy wanted to "get" the "American girl" to satisfy his swelling ego. My friends warned me. "Stay away from the boys", they said. "None of them like you for who you are. They'll will only bring on trouble and sorrow." The other girls, the previously "popular" and "better-looking" ones, accused me of flirting with every guy that crossed my path. I didn't; flirting includes winks, giggles, blown kisses. Whenever I crossed paths with a guy, it would include bickering, joking, teasing, and a few friendly punches on the arm. While I openly took boys on in basketball games and soccer, the girls only stood there, glaring from afar, never daring to come up and say hello to any of the boys. Hmph, it was the other girls' faults that they stayed away from the guys, yet they took it out all on me. Am I talking to fast? I'll try to slow down a bit. So... the girls asked their brothers and younger relatives to "take care" of me. One night, two months after my 16th birthday and a month after my family arrived in China, when I was out buying groceries, a gang of about ten older boys and young men found me in a small street behind the shopping center. "Hey there sugar... care to hang out with us for a moment?" "Don't worry, you won't regret it!" "Awwww, don't be so shy! Come on, show us what you've got there!" "Oh dear, look at her frightened face! Maybe this will teach you a lesson or two and make you think twice again when going about and stealing other girls' boyfriends!" I tried to fight back. And I was succeeding, at first. But, there were too many of them, and they were too strong for me... I screamed and begged them to leave me alone, sobbing, telling them that I would die if they did it... They ignored me and went about with their business. The pain... the agony... the humiliation... the knowledge that I was becoming spoiled goods... it would've killed me then and there. I was saved by my natural instincts to fight, to never give in... but apparently instincts change. Look at me now. There were people walking by who heard me, but no one cared enough to come and save me. In fact, a few more people joined in... By the time they were finished, I was broken. In body, and in spirit... What could I do? They threatened me. If I didn't keep quiet, if I wasn't obedient, they would hurt my family.... Ha. Isn't that ironic... that the one who ended up hurting my family... was me? Ha. Haha...haha... I was hospitalized for a month. On the police report, it said that I was injured in a "hit and run accident" to account for all the blood and bruises. The medical reports called me "mentally unstable and in severe shock", as I refused to talk or acknowledge anyone. I didn't bother to correct them. It was better than having to tell the truth. So I changed. Not immediately. At first I tried to put on a brave face, but my mind betrayed me. I became... more malevolent. I no longer cared about what happened... Oh, I never did drugs. None of that. But I began hanging out with the "trash", and got myself involved in a gang. Of course, the first thing I did was get revenge... I hunted them down, one by one. For each, I devised a different method of torture: the first one was lighting his feet on fire, the second one was scraping the skin and pouring hot chili soup on the wounds, the third one included the force-feeding of plaster, and so on and so forth. I was never caught, because I had many accomplices that were quick to cover up my tracks. Of course, the criminals, or victims in this case, were severely injured, but none were killed. They should have been my first murders. Haha. Guess I hadn't lost my compassion... yet. Gradually, I became impatient. Temperamental, and disrespectful. I no longer followed the Confucius ways: when my parents yelled at me, I would snap back with angry retorts and abusive and disrespectful language; when my brother asked for my help, I would verbally abuse him for being an incompetent idiot. A house once full of smiles and laughter was now replaced with screaming and fighting. Dad started drinking, and Mom left the house more, leaving my brother and me home alone. My mom presumably left the house for shopping, but I followed her once and noticed that all she did was go to the park, find a quiet spot, and start crying. I wanted to go out and comfort her, and apologize for what I did, but my feet took me back to the house, and my head never turned back to look at her. One day, as I was preparing dinner, my brother came up to me. He had followed me after school the day before, and found out that I was involved with the gang and soon to be initiated into the Triads, the organization that rules the criminal world. "姐姐 (Older sister), please, don't do this." "It's none of your business." I placed the food on the table. "姐姐, you'll end up getting hurt!" "I'm already hurt." I stuffed the apron into a cabinet on my way to my room. "姐姐, if you don't stop, I'll tell Mom and Dad and call the police!" My brother trailed behind me, trying to make me see sense. "So? I don't care." I slammed my bedroom door and changed. I looked up at the clock. Six o'clock; my initiation ritual into the Triads would begin soon. In my room, I changed into an all black outfit. Typical gangster gear: it helps you blend in easily with the shadows. As I was about to leave, my brother grabbed my arms. "姐姐, 求你了. Please, I'm begging you now." My brother was in tears now, and kneeling on the floor. "Get out of my way." My brother snatched up one of the butcher knives I had just sharpened earlier. "If you go, I'll kill myself." "Go ahead." And I walked out of the door. MNM When I got home after the initiation, it was already midnight. I found four police cars parked in front of the house. I walked in; what was I afraid of? It was impossible that the police would have found out so quickly; I was only initiated half an hour ago. And they couldn't arrest me for being tipsy from too many beers; there is no legal drinking age set in the law. I walked in and found my parents on the couch, clutching each other and sobbing. When my dad saw me, he was so enraged he couldn't speak. Instead, he snatched up a vase and threw it at my head. I ducked, and it missed. Before he could throw another one, one of the police had already forced him back onto the couch. Another one came up to me and cuffed my hands. "What are you doing?" I asked furiously, trying to shake off the handcuffs. "You're under arrest for murder." "Murder? How is that possible? I didn't do anything!" And for once, I was telling the truth. "Oh, really?" The policeman shoved me roughly into the kitchen. On the floor was a large, no, a huge pool of blood. My brother lay in the middle, a knife sticking out of his torso. The knife I had sharpened. "Don't even deny it. We found your fingerprints all over the handle." I couldn't speak. How, how could my brother, so smart and adorable and barely 14, be killed? Then I remembered the conversation we had earlier: "If you go, I'll kill myself." "Go ahead." "So, we're asking you again. Did you kill him?" My eyes couldn't leave my brother's body. The policeman shook me roughly. "Did you kill him?" His body was broken, but at least his spirit and soul was safe, I tried comfort myself. That's better than me, better than me. A tear dripped onto the floor and disappeared in the pool of blood. But it's all my fault... I must be punished... "Yes," I whispered, and felt myself shoved roughly into a waiting police car. MNM And so now I am here. My trial is tomorrow. I don't have a lawyer, but I don't need one, nor do I want one. I know that at best I will stay in this cell forever, at worst I'll be sentenced to death. I am not concerned. Whatever I get, I deserve it. I am not scared of death. But I am scared for my parents. As much as they hate me now, I love them. I know, how shameless of me. After all I've done, I still have the guts to say that I love them? I deserve to rot in hell for eternity. No, that's too kind; I deserve to live that night, the night my spirit died, for an eternity. How will they cope with my brother's death? I don't know. He was their hope, their pride. And I destroyed it. I know I will never see my parents again. They can't forgive me. They don't want to forgive me. They won't even come to see me in prison, even if I were to die the next day. The triads can't save me either. Why would they? I'm their newest member, a greenhorn. Nonessential. My death won't be their loss. Such a cruel world. But I am the cruelest of them all. Because I murdered my brother.
August 14 20XX Sanhe City Jail, Women's Block 9:33 P.M. Second Movement: Judgment Day Before they started the trial, they asked me if I wanted to return to America for trial. I said no. What was the point? I would still be guilty. Besides, the trial process in America would be less efficient, and if I were put on death row, it would take years for the execution. The wait would make me insane, and I wanted death to come swiftly, while I am still in control of myself. Even though this was a murder case, the trial was very short. The court went over the entire incident. How my brother was found on a floor with a knife in his stomach, and how my fingerprints were all over the handle of the knife. The police deduced that I was the one who committed the murder. However, in order for a "fair sentence", the judges wanted to hear my motives. "None."
My simple reply confused the judges. What were they to make of it? Everyone had a motive to kill someone, be it hate, love, or simply an interesting pastime. I had grabbed the attention of the judges, and they demanded to hear my story. So, I repeated the story I told you yesterday, making sure to put more emphasis on the part where I took revenge on the people who violated me. However, I shortened the story of my brother's death to one sentence: "After I finished making supper, I killed him." Which, by the way, is technically true. Do not tell anyone what I have told you... right now, I prefer death. I need death. If you reveal these documents before I am gone, I will never forgive you. But to continue on with the story... Oh, my parents were there. Did I tell you that? They sat towards the side, my mother crying for the entire time. My father was beyond tears; instead, he stared at the ceiling, blinking away the wetness that threatened to spill out of his eyes. Both of them deliberately avoided my gaze. Throughout my story, I saw my parents gasp in shock at the gruesome parts. Once the facts set in, a look of comprehension settled in on their faces. Then, my mother's expression was immediately replaced with stronger grief, while my dad became more angry and frustrated. Soon, the two of them couldn't take it anymore, and they left early before the trial. They didn't hear the verdict, but someone will probably tell them soon enough. I wonder if they will be sad and if they will miss me... The judges sympathized with me when I told them about the rape, but their faces grew more grim as I described the horrendous acts that I committed while getting revenge. I omitted the part about the triads; why bring them into the fray? If I mentioned them, I would have to tell the judge everything I know, because the police will torture me and force it out of me. If the triads learned that I had betrayed their secrets, my parents wouldn't be safe either. The panel of judges was grim by the end of my confession. They huddled together for a few minutes, then grimly delivered my verdict. Death by hanging. I deserve it, I guess. Though no one had filed charges for the previous crimes I committed, the fact that I had admitted that I had committed them forced the judges to take those incidents into account. The judges asked me if I wanted to appeal, if I wanted to return to America for a new trial. I said no. My sentence will be carried out as soon as the Chinese government works everything out with the U.S. government. No witnesses, no jury. Just the panel of judges and me. They announce the case, I tell my story, and they announce the verdict. If only life was as sweet and simple. Don't pity me. I am happy with this sentence. I am tired now, and it would be best if I get some sleep... while I still can... But, please, come back before my execution. I would like someone to record my last will and testament, and this is a burden I am willing to entrust only to you. Will you do it? You will? Thank you.
December 24, 20XX Execution Room 3:45 P.M. Third Movement: Final Dreams and Wishes My executor is feeling merciful today. He told me to take my time finishing this up, but I don't want to take too long. It's Christmas Eve, after all. He should be home with his family, celebrating, rather than here, stuck with a prisoner. The last three months were like a daze. I would wake up, eat, sit there for three hours, eat again, sleep, eat, and sleep. Surprisingly, despite my extreme lack of exercise, I am still as skinny as a stick. During my three months, I've relived my life over and over again. From the day my brother was born, till I attended preschool, elementary school, middle school, and high school. I even dreamt on a bit, fancying to think that I was in college. This will be more like my last words as opposed to a will. It lacks the formality and official quality of a last will and testament, and I don't have anything to give anyway. I'd like to begin with a few words to my parents. I am sorry to have disappointed both of you so. You have every right to forget about your disgraceful daughter, every right to cross my name out from the family tree. But, please, for my brother's sake, for your son's sake, try to live on in happiness. Both of us, my brother and I, would want to see that. We are gone, but you still have each other. I will repay all my debts by becoming your slave in your next lives, as well as every other life after that. To my most beloved brother: you are now in heaven. I am sure of it. Before I go to hell, I want to let you know that, even though I have done such a despicable thing to you, even though I am the person who cut your life short, I still love you. In our next lives, I will be your slave. You and father and mother shall be one family, and I will be the slave, I will make sure that all of you can live in happiness and prosperity, without doubts or worries. To Shuqin Wen: thank you for being a friend from the beginning to the end. I have one favor to ask of you" remember the novel I started? The one with you, Ming Jian, Mu Cong, and Zhe? Finish it, please. The entire document can be found on my blog: http://blog.creaders.net/JayJay823. I also have a few ideas jotted down in my notebook, which should be somewhere in my desk at school. Remember, the ending should be as follows: Shuqin uses the talisman(as seen in the prologue), and is sucked into Nothing. Zhe searches for Shuqin using his magical powers, and manages to barge into the Immortal Being's place and destroying all the magical barriers preventing gods, humans, and fairies from entering. The two strike a bargain: in return for Shuqin's life and happiness (i.e. Mingjian), Zhe will become the Immortal Being's Eternal Servant. Shuqin is brought back to life. She finds that Zhe is gone, Mingjian is dead, and Mucong has already been sent back to the present. She attends Mingjian's funeral, and is forced back to the present by the chancellor's time-controlling powers. Shuqin tries to forget about the past and be happy with Mucong. However, Mucong realizes that Shuqin is never happy with him, so he decides to return to America, thus ending his experience as an exchange student. Shuqin is again forced to marry, but on her way to the wedding, she jumps off a bridge and into the Longqing Lake. The ending ends with the chancellor paying a visit to the Heavenly Court. Two of the Heavenly Court's generals are practicing swords outside: one of them possessed the strength of a dragon, the other the beauty of a phoenix (i.e. they are Mingjian and Shuqin, now gods of the Heavens). You can add extras in, add more characters, more stories, but keep the main storyline. Thank you. Even if the book is never published, at least burn a copy for me, so I can read it. To Mingjian Mu Rong: you were the person who was always there to protect me from the many horrors of gangs and gang fights, even though I've told you a million times that I can care for myself. You were the only decent one out of the bunch: you never drank, gambled, smoked, did drugs, or humiliated women. Mingjian, you only joined the gang out of a necessity to survive, so leave them as soon as you can. You are a man with ambition: use that ambition in the right place. To Mucong Li: You stayed by my side, even though I was so mean and cruel towards you. Your loyalty and patience will surely make you a great general. Even as you pursue your dreams in the military, please remember to also continue on with music. Remember the song we wrote together? Please, sing it every once in a while. To Zhe Wu: Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I promised that you, me, and Mucong would go to college in America together. I'm sorry for breaking the promise. But, please, continue on with your dream. I know you will be a great biochemist. I want to see you happy, and able to move on. Hopefully, you will remember me sometimes, the girl you would've fulfilled your dreams with together. My dream life was so simple. Go to a good college, marry, have kids, grow old, enjoy life. I'd finish my novel, work on music, get a degree for civil engineering. Visit my parents on the weekend, plan family-get-together with my brother... Did you know that Wow. Look at the time... it's already 4:12. Well then, my last words to you Jianqin. Please, take care of my parents. Make sure they pull through. Thank you for being here with me, from the beginning of my life to the last moment. And... you don't need me to put the rest in words for you to understand, do you? I'm not afraid of death, but rather what I have to face afterwards. My brother's accusations... Jianqin, you will write my eulogy, right? You know me so well. You are... my other half. There, I have finished everything I've wanted to say. Don't cry; I want to face death with a smile. And now, I can open the present from death I've waited so long for... Merry Christmas.
Epilogue Indeed, Meixia was able to greet death with open arms. I looked away as the noose was placed around her neck, but from the corner of my eye I saw her sparkle like an angel. But that might have been the glistening tears that poured out after the execution was over. Meixia Qiu. Once the epitome of perfection, she was my idol. But Meixia became a fallen one, an angel corrupted by tragedy and tainted with sin. It's hard to believe that she has already left me. We were birth twins, adopted by different families when our birth parents passed away. Though we have only truly known each other for a year, the pain and emptiness I feel now is... suffocating. I feel as if half of myself is gone... Perhaps time shall heal this hole in my spirit. The only people who showed up at the funeral were Shuqin, Mingjian, Mucong, and Zhe. Meixia's parents refused to come. As the five of us stood before her grave, the rain fell. Can you see this, Meixia? Even the heavens are weeping for the loss of their angel. |
