青柳诊所手记48

秋天来了，花儿草儿都凋谢了。鸟儿也大多飞走了。有一天我上班时，发现一只小鸟在玻璃窗外目不转睛地瞅着我，我从里面敲敲窗户，它不但不肯走，反而淘气地用它的喙轻轻啄外面的玻璃窗回应着我。整日忙碌的大师兄都忍不住跑过来看它好几次。那只小鸟陪了我们整整一个下午才慢慢地不情愿地飞走。多么神奇的一只鸟啊。

十一月底了，寒冷的日子早已来临。阿里医生说果树上的叶子如果没有自然掉下来也得把它们捋下来，不然明年的收成就受影响了。苹果树虽然都变得光秃秃的了，但还有两个苹果依然固执地蹲在秋天的枝头上。  阿里医生把它们摘下来，我咬了一口，虽然水分不多，但还是相当甘甜啊，一点也没有变坏。

自然界实在是一个奇妙的世界。我总是鼓励我的病人们多走出自己的狭小的圈子，去接近广阔的宇宙。我给患者们做气功观想时，也总是有意将他们带入一个远离尘嚣的幽静之处。

病人B已经跟了我有一段时间了。征得她的同意，我把给她做的一次气功观想公布在这里。

B的主诉是疲乏、忧郁、关节疼痛、失眠和偏头痛。尤其是偏头痛最让她痛苦不堪。这是她最近向我描述的一次偏头痛：

“我跟我的母亲关系一直都不太好。那天晚上我们通完话，我放下电话，觉得浑身发冷，脑袋发胀，耳朵嗡嗡响，右边的脑血管突突跳得厉害。我知道，我偏头痛的毛病又犯了。我和着衣服在床上躺下来，辗转反侧难以成眠。我冷得发抖，蜷缩着身躯，咬得紧紧的牙关也咯咯地响起来。后来好不容易睡着了，又半夜惊醒过来。

我捧着脑袋，坐了起来，吞了两片阿斯匹林，然后，在黑暗里静静坐着，等着药片起作用。但是，这一次，药片还没有在我的肠胃里消化，我就觉得全身的血液都冲到脑子里面了，我头痛欲裂，恶心不止，难受得厉害，我冲到厕所里跪着，呕吐起来。平常，只要将胃里面的东西倒空了，我就会觉得舒服些。可是，这一次的偏头痛比任何一次都严重，我一连呕吐了好几次，头痛不但没有消失，而且全身的关节都疼痛起来。我摸索着踱回床边，沉重地躺下来，眼睛睁得大大的，盯着旋转的天花板，连身都不敢翻。身体只要稍微一动弹，可怕的恶心感就又上来了。我盖了好多被子，也无法让自己的身体温暖起来…..啊，安娜医生，这是我度过的一个最黑暗最漫长的夜晚，我感到自己差不多要死了…… 所以我今天来找你，你必须要帮我，不然的话，我真不知道该怎么办了…..”她用绝望无神的眼睛看着我，眼里噙着泪珠。

我叫她看一眼诊所外面的花园。她不解地看着我。

我说：“你看，花园里有一个大佛像，佛的手在丹田下面结着手印，是不是？有一天阿里医生收集了好些干枯的花蕾，把它们供奉在佛像的手上。几天后，他发现它们不但没有凋零，而且渐渐绽放了，于是，这尊佛的手上捧了一大束生机勃勃的五颜六色的鲜花，它们很吸引了一些眼球啊。“

“是什么让差不多已经失去生命的花儿又复活了呢？”B若有所思地问。

“我也问过阿里医生这个问题，他告诉我是阳光和雨露，”我笑着答，“你看，现在这尊佛的手掌心里还有一些水珠子呢。那些水对于枯萎的花来说，就是甘露啊。亲爱的B，你想想，尘世间的许多东西，即便看上去是毫无希望的，是不是也可以通过跟上天的联系又重新绽放生命力呢？我问她。

她闭上眼睛，我把她带入更深的冥想状态。

我用更轻的语气说：“我的师父告诉过我，自然界的一切都有着疗愈的能量，它们发出的信息波既可以影响人的身体，也可以影响人的心灵。如果是有肺病的人，可以多拥抱柏树。如果是有肝病的人，可以多拥抱松树……如果是有严重痛症或者体虚的病人，就可以观想自己的每一个细胞都是一朵小小的花，你每吸一口气，就如微微的柔风吹过来，就如清甜的甘露浇下来，那些本来没有多少生机的花儿们慢慢地慢慢地，变得光滑柔嫩起来，渐渐地渐渐地，它们一点点绽放开来，它们的花瓣变得越来越大越来越亮，它们的颜色变得越来越鲜明，每一片花瓣都沾满了晶莹的露珠，花儿们在清新宁静的气息里歌唱、跳舞…..”

那一天，B离开诊所的时候，她说她觉得身体轻盈舒服多了。后来她告诉我，最近几个星期，她几乎都没有犯过偏头痛了。稍微有点症状的时候，她说，“我就按照你吩咐的，天气好的时候就去抱树，要不就光着脚去踩土。天气不好时，就在家观想，或者用中药泡脚。现在我感觉自己也渐渐地有些生命力了。”

B很快要去另外一个国家工作，而且得去相当一段时间。她担心在人生地不熟的地方又故病重犯，所以，我用我曾写的一首小诗来赠别她：

耐心

我再重申一遍：

是的，朋友

你不要绝望

任何时候都不要

纵然你是一棵秋日的枣树

所有的财富被剥夺一空

连最后一片叶子

都被无情的风掳走

曾经清纯的面貌

也被岁月之刀毁容

是的，纵然你失去了一切

你仍然不是一无所有

你还有很多的爱，很多的希望

它们并没有闲着

在那看不见的世界里

它们已经结婚、生育

你没有看到

好多星星一样的嫩芽

已经繁生出来了

你什么都不要做

除了给它们一点点时间，一点点耐心

让那好多好多的生命

以新绿的娇容

在这个你看得见的世界里

隆重登场

Whispering of Willows 48

By Dr. Anna Zhao

Autumn is departing, and most of the flowers and grass have withered. Most of the birds have also left for warmer climates. One day at work, a little bird was staring at me intently from the other side of the glass window. I tapped on the window from inside, but it not only refused to leave, but also responded to me by pecking the window from outside with its tiny beak. Dr. Daniel, who is always so busy, couldn't help but run over to check on the bird several times. The little bird accompanied us for a whole afternoon before finally flying away, slowly and reluctantly. What a magical bird!

Time flies and we are already near the end of November; the cold days have long arrived. Dr. Ali said that if the leaves on the fruit trees do not fall off naturally, we ought to pluck them, otherwise the harvest next year would be affected. Although the apple trees had become bare, two apples were stubbornly squatting on the autumnal branches. Dr. Ali picked them, and taking a bite, I realized they were not a bit dry, but still quite sweet and tasty. They had not gone bad at all.

Nature is such a miraculous world, and it is why I encourage my patients to get out of their own small circle and approach the vast universe. When I do Qigong for my patients, I often intentionally take them to a quiet place away from life’s hustle and bustle.

Patient B has been with me for a while. With her consent, here I share the Qigong/visualization session I did with her.

B's main complaints were fatigue, depression, joint pain, insomnia and migraine. Migraine is the most dreadful thing for her. This is what she described to me when she had the worst migraine in her life:

"I have never had a good relationship with my mother. That night, after we finished talking, I put down the phone and felt cold all over, my head was swollen, my ears were buzzing, and the blood vessels in my right side of my brain were throbbing violently. I knew that my migraine problem had come back. I lay down on the bed with my clothes on, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. I was shivering with cold; I curled up, my tightly clenched teeth clattering. Finally, fatigue soothed me with some fitful sleep, but in no time, I woke up again in the middle of the night.

I swallowed two aspirin tablets, and then sat quietly in the dark, waiting for the tablets to take effect. But this time, before the tablets were digested in my stomach, I felt that all the blood in my body had rushed to my brain. I had a splitting headache and nausea. I felt so uncomfortable that I rushed to the toilet, knelt down and vomited. Usually, this would make me feel better. However, this time the migraine was more severe than any other time. I vomited several times in a row. Not only did the headache remain, but all the joints in my body began to ache. I groped my way back to the bed and lay down heavily, staring at the rotating ceiling with my eyes wide open, not even daring to turn over. As soon as I made a tiny movement, the terrible nausea returned. I covered myself with many quilts, but I couldn't keep my body warm... Ah, Dr. Anna, this was the darkest and longest night I have ever experienced. I felt like I was dying... This is what brought me to you. You must help me, otherwise, I am at a loss... "  She looked at me, desperation and tears reflecting in her eyes.

I asked her to take a look at the garden outside the clinic. She squinted at me, puzzled.

I said, "Look, a big Buddha statue is sitting in the garden, his hands in a mudra below his belly button, right? One day, Dr. Ali collected a bundle of dried flower buds and put them in the Buddha's palms. A few days later, he discovered not withered flowers, but flowers starting to bloom. Ah, Buddha’s hands were holding a bouquet of colorful flowers full of vitality, attracting quite a bit of attention."

"What made the almost wilted flowers came back to life?" B asked thoughtfully.

"I also had asked Dr. Ali the same question, and he told me the mix of sun and rain did the trick," I laughed, "Look, there are still some water drops in the palm of the Buddha. Those water drops were nectar to the withered flowers. Dear B, think about it: many things in the world, even if things seem hopeless, might they be able to blossom again after being touched by the divine world?”

She closed her eyes, and I took her into a deeper state of meditation.

I lowered my voice again: "My master told me that everything in nature has healing energy, and the vibration waves they send to us can affect both our body and our mind. For a person with lung disease, it is best for him/her to exchange energy with an old cypress tree.  For those with liver disease, he/she should try to embrace an old pine tree… If you are someone with severe pain or are physically weak, you can imagine that each of your cells is a small flower. Every time you inhale, it is like a gentle breeze brushing by those flowers, it is like sweet nectar pouring down to those flowers. Originally, they might have little vitality, but gradually their petals become smoother and smoother, brighter and brighter. Their petals are expanding, every petal becomes larger and brighter, their colors become more and more vivid, each petal getting coated with crystalized dew. The flowers, abundant with gratitude and vitality, sing and dance in their tranquil and refreshing fragrance…”

That day, when B was leaving the clinic, she said she was feeling much lighter and in less pain. In the following weeks, she hardly had a migraine. As soon as some slight symptoms manifested, she said, "I just do what you told me – if it’s nice weather, I go hug an old tree, or I step on the soil, barefoot. If the weather is not good, I do qigong at home or soak my feet with hot herbal water. Now I feel that I am gradually regaining some vitality…”

B will soon be going to another country for quite some time. She is worried about relapse in an unfamiliar environment, so I gave her a poem I wrote as a parting gift: 

Patience

I repeat it again:

dear friend
don’t despair
no matter what.

Even if you are a late-autumn date-tree,
deprived of your wealth,
your last leaf
wrested by merciless gusts,
your pure naive face,
disfigured by life’s knife.

Even if you have lost everything
you still have

much love, much hope.
They are not idle in the hidden world,
but have married, given birth to star-like sprouts.

Do nothing but give them time, 

patience, so their offspring

may solemnly step into the visible world

in tender green form.