A doctor on his morning walk, noticed an older lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look!What's your secret?"
"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week and eat only junk food.On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all.."
"That is absolutely amazing!How old are you?"
"Thirty-four."
××××××××××××××××××××××××××× When The Fight Started ...
1. My wife walked into the den & asked "Whats on the TV?" I replied "Dust". And that's how the fight started.....
2. My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds. I bought her a scale. And that's when the fight started.....
(The following is from the Internet)
World's oldest person celebrates 115th in LA
By The Associated PressMon Apr 6, 10:17 PM
LOS ANGELES - The world's oldest known living person celebrated her 115th birthday Monday.
Gertrude Baines was honoured at Western Convalescent Hospital
with music, a letter from the president, and two cakes. Baines said little during the celebration as friends sang to her and she received a proclamation from Guinness World Records acknowledging her as the world's oldest person.
"Who would take Los Angeles for the place that would have the world's oldest person?" Robert Young, a scientist and senior consultant with Guinness, said later in an interview. "Living that long is like winning the genetic lottery."
Born in 1894 in Shellman, Ga., Baines became the world's oldest living person when a 115-year-old woman, Maria de Jesus, died in Portugal in January.
Baines' physician said she only has two complaints.
"Number one, she doesn't like the bacon. It's not crisp enough," the doctor, Charles Witt Jr., told KCAL-TV. "And the other thing is she fusses about her ... arthritis of her knees. She told me that she owes her longevity to the Lord, that she never did drink, she never did smoke and she never did fool around."
Baines father, born two years before the Civil War in 1863, was likely a slave, Young said. Baines has outlived her entire family. Her only daughter died of typhoid fever when she was a toddler.
Featured on local television newscasts in November when she cast her ballot for Barack Obama for president, Baines said she backed him "because he's for the coloured." She said she never thought she would live to see a black man become president.
Baines received a letter from Obama, wishing her a happy birthday.
Baines worked as a maid in University of Ohio dormitories until her retirement, and has lived at the Los Angeles convalescent hospital for more than 10 years.
Since 1986, Young said, the world's oldest person title has been held by a woman for all but 44 days.
BEIJING (AFP) - A contender for world's tallest man underwent foot surgery at a Chinese hospital where doctors confirmed he is 10 centimetres (four inches) taller than the current title-holder, state press said Tuesday.
Zhao Liang, 27, was measured at 2.46 metres when he had an operation at a hospital in Tianjin city to relieve an injury suffered nearly a decade ago, Xinhua news agency reported.
It was when he sustained the initial injury that doctors first found out Zhao was taller than fellow countryman Bao Xishun, who is listed by the Guinness World Records as the world's tallest man, the report said.
But Zhao has not been independently measured by Guinness judges, so he is not officially considered to be the world's tallest man, the report said.
Zhao's basketball career was cut short when he injured his foot 10 years ago and he remained unemployed until 2006, when he got a job with an art troupe and learned to perform magic and play the saxophone and flute, the report said.
Doctors said Zhao should be able to walk normally after a two-month recovery period from surgery. He does not suffer any health complications related to his height, it added.
Zhao's parents, who are both of normal height, do not know how their son has grown so tall, the report said.
Bao Xishun, 57, was first recognised by the Guinness Book in 2005 as the world's tallest man, measuring in at 2.36 metres.
知道自以为是不好,稍不注意又露了形。 贴文章不好使,点点这些小表情好像个个都很好用;本想删掉,看到椰子你贵客临门,就顺手贴出来了这个。谁知道你们还不放假,感情美国号称基督教立国,“In God We Trust”了半天人民连(耶稣基督)复活节也不能休息一天,这美帝国主义真是不如我们半社会主义的加拿大了。
I like this humor very much! The old lady is 34! Hahaha...ok, it gets rid of my upset for today's massed up in submitting the poem, and you have two same paragraphs, is it also the contribution of the "new" (neo-) system? 这新的贴文格式真的抽筋。希望你有同感:)