As some of my family and friends knew, I volunteered a lot of my time and donated $1000+(yes, way more than $27 of the average donation) back in 2015 and 2016 for Bernie Sanders’ Presidential Campaign. I hosted tabling at San Mateo’s Farmers’ Market on Saturdays, I phonebanked and canvassed a few times, sometimes including NN and XX.

I still remember our Saturday morning routine, I would bring NN to the Farmers’ Market, set up the table, with flyers, buttons, bumper stickers on display, just before 9am - the opening time of the Market. About 11am, my husband would take XX to meet me at the Market, after her morning nap. She was only 14 months old and still needed her morning nap. Both of them were so young, and they had no idea what was their mommy doing. But they remembered one name: Bernie Sanders.

After California’s democratic primary in June, I knew the hope of Bernie be the democratic pick was gone. I was angry, I was disappointed, and I was frustrated, with the democratic party and the media. Both of them treated Bernie unfairly, to say the least. I saw how Democratic National Committee served Hillary Clinton solely while ignoring Bernie Sanders. I saw how media gave Donald Trump undivided attention while giving Bernie Sanders little. For a long time, I couldn’t make peace with my anger and frustration. I wanted Bernie go with the Green Party, and became a third party presidential candidate, which a pragmatic Bernie would never do.

And then it came the shock of Trump’s presidency, I was depressed and didn’t know what to do. Put it in a metaphor, you are in a forest and surrounded by massive fires everywhere. You want to save yourself but don’t know where to start, simply because the fires are everywhere. Gradually I started doing a few things here and there. I canvassed for California’s Medical For All, I phonebanked and wrote postcards for Sister District sponsored state congresswomen.

And time flies with two toddler girls! When two years later, Andrew Yang announced his presidential run, I thought to myself: nice, a Chinese American. And then came Kamala Harris, I was more tempted because obviously she had more credentials. And it was Elizabeth Warren, which I heard a lot good things about her but had some mixed feelings because she endorsed Hillary Clinton in 2016, though her political philosophy aligned more with Bernie Sanders. Last, it came Bernie’s announcement and I still didn’t know what to choose, both my brain and my heart. The hurt and disappointment of 2016 still lingered inside of me, at least a bit. I was afraid that I might be disappointed again. And on the rational side, Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders (Sorry, Andrew Yang, I am leaving you out because I believe in political record) all seem good candidates. They support medical for all, college tuition free and the Green New Deal. They denounce Super Pac money. My kind of ideal candidate.

So I started listening to Kamala Harris’ book: The Truths We Hold - An American Journey, Elizabeth Warren’s book: A fighting chance and Bernie Sanders’ book: Outsider in the White House. I was moved and inspired by all of them.

Kamala Harris impressed me with her courage and guts. When she was just elected as California’s attorney general, she initially walked away from negotiations with big banks on Housing meltdown, as the only state attorney general among all 50 states. She started her own investigation when there was no federal government support. Eventually the banks increased the settle money from 2 billion dollars to 20 billion dollars. I think as a newbie, when seeing all of your colleagues agree with the banks’ 2 billion dollars offer, dared to do differently, is something normal people lack of, including President Obama.

Elizabeth Warren’s story is very interesting: she was a Harvard Professor all the way until she was 60+ years old and she only got involved in politics since 2009. So four years later, the fact that she won the Massachusetts Senator was purely amazing.

Bernie Sanders was the opposite of Elizabeth Warren. He was active in Politics since 1970’s, as a third party candidate running for Vermont’s governor, lieutenant governor, etc.. But he didn’t succeed until 1980, he ran for Burlington's Mayor. By then he was already 40 years old. He was the mayor for 10 years and became the only Vermont congressman. He was also the only third party congressman among 400+ congress people and the only third party senator later in 2006. His rhetoric and the issues he cared about since 1970’s had always been the same. His political idea of more economical justice, his anti-war stance, and his critical view of US’ role in Latin America were always marginal. In Dec 2010, he spoke for 8 hours to prevent extending Bush Era’s Tax Rates. All of these depicted a loner, an outsider, but definitely a persevere outsider. His 2016 Political Revolution didn’t push him to the presidency, but it had made his idea becoming the main stream of democratic platform.

After knowing about Bernie’s struggling years, 40+ years, my heart went to him. I was afraid that we might lose again if I align with Bernie Sanders and I didn’t want to make a same mistake twice. But progress is not about immediate impact and it often takes continuous efforts and many attempts and sometimes lifetimes to be seen. And I am willing to take the attempt, again and again. As for my brain, yes, Bernie’s integrity and voting records are unbeatable.