[警告：文中部分内容略微成人版，若对此不适请就此止步]

医生们和各种各样的病人打交道，可谓见多识广，当然偶尔也会遇到令人尴尬的事情发生。下面是一些专业医生们亲身经历过的事儿，有几件还不是一般的令人尴尬，当事医生连名字都隐掉了。

（一）

一个男人冲进ER大叫道。 。 。“医生， 我的妻子马上要生了，她正在外面的出租车里。”
我抓起我的东西，冲进一辆出租车，掀起女人的裙子，开始脱她的内衣。
突然我注意到有好几辆出租车停在一起。。。天啊，我进错了车！！！

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

（二）

有一天我当班，我把听诊器放在一位耳朵有些聋的老年女性患者的前胸上为她听诊。

“Big breaths，”。 。 。我指示她。
“Yes，they used to be，”。 。 。病人回答道。

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

（三）

有一次我不得不把一个坏消息告诉一位妻子，她的丈夫刚刚死于大面积心肌梗塞 （massive myocardial infarct）。

没过五分钟后，我听到了她对她的家人说她的丈夫死于‘massive internal fart’。

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

（四）

我的病人两个星期后来复诊时对我说，他对一种药的使用遇到麻烦。
“哪一个？ ”我问。

“膏药。”他说，“护士告诉我每六小时贴一片新的，可是现在我的身上已经没有地方了！”
我让他迅速脱下衣服，然后我看到了我不希望看到的一幕，这名男子的身上贴了有超过五十片膏药！

现在，膏药的使用说明中加了一句：贴新膏药之前请揭下旧膏药。

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

（五）

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.....

It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery... When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .'Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by Dr…   (no name)

（六）

Baby's First Doctor Visit

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
 
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed, ' she replied...
 
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

 She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

 Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.' 
 
' I know', she said, ' I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came'.

Submitted by Dr…   (no name)

上篇文章：宇宙幽灵 ——“超光速”的中微子