just because i was typing everything in english doesn't mean im not a chinese foreign student. : I know you are a Chinese female student. I was not discussing your issues. "如果他们不用女性受用的小伎俩，以诚待人，是很难得到女性的‘动心’的。太多的女性喜欢fantacize 浪漫关系，不论中国和美国的。"
hahahahaha, that's called the dating game, everyone used that, i imagine it will be the same even if you are in China.
: Well, if males decide to play the games from the start, think about who will lose the most. I am not talking about cute gestures and hints. I am talking about insincerity.
" 我希望人们下次在喊china man时是因为我们作出了了不起的行为，这个词成为像Irish Man, British Man, 甚至black man一样通用的称呼，而不是一个连你都觉得political incorrect的蔑称。请你从社会的角度来看political correctness，它不是个人的无聊，而是一种社会现象和结果。"
language progresses everyday, it's just like back in the 50s, if you call a black man a nigger or niggero, it will not matter as much as if it had been done today.
same thing with the Jewish people in the US, a lot of them are wealthy and educated, but that still does not prevent them being called a Kike. : I know that. You were using China man as an example of political incorrectness, right?
we are the fundamental building blocks of the society, and everyone starts to do something about it, the trends of the society will soon fade. : sounds good, remember you are dealing with social problems, not only political beliefs.
"how did you even come to the conclusion that 她并不具备很多黑人和白人女性的强项 ? such as, can you give me serval examples,：健康性感，浪漫独立 please ? i would be very happy if you would enlighten me. and what is 亚洲女性的强项?：忠诚可靠，理解体贴。 plus '亚洲女性的强项她如果在没有 ' is the wrong '在'. incase you dont remember. : I do remember. what I mean is if she doesn't even have the advantage of Asian woman, probably her value in her whatever race boyfriend's eye is a super-ego and poor quality idiot."
first of all, i think you are being judgemental over a lot of the issues.
健康性感，浪漫独立 is probably your version of the saying. how can you say that asian women are not 健康性感，浪漫独立? even the 大陆来的中国女留学生? how can you say that they are not sexy in their own ways, maybe according to you they are not. how can you also judge that they are not romantic and independent? they've left their families in China and stand on this land alone and fighting for their survival in their own ways, how is that not romantic and independent?
: If the author's daughter have the right to use the skin color as a standard of attractiveness, I also have the right to use appearance for the same purposes. Every aspect of life and people can contribute a conclusion of a certain attribute. Girls from mainland China can also can be considered as sexy in their ways. My mention of sexy here is the most primitive one, I don't want to twist it to a very abstract meaning. Leaving China to struggle for survival according to me is not romantic. I am doing this same thing. I would rather consider a great expectation and adventure. Again, my mention of romance here is the most simple meaning, I don't want to play the word game of explaining the usage of words in my favor.
亚洲女性的强项?：忠诚可靠，理解体贴。i think you've seen too many hollywood movies to think that other races of women rather than asians are not trust worthy and reliable as well as understanding and thoughtful. : that is from my own observation.
your definitions of us women regardless of race is the typical stereotyping categorizing the female gender. : I mention a good attribute, not to use it as a stereotype, but to give you a more prevailing phenomena. I think everybody is different in someways, it is hard to use stereotype to look at anyone.
"如果不用好莱坞的审美观点（不要否认你没有)" i think you are saying that to yourself. hence the "她并不具备很多黑人和白人女性的强项 '健康性感，浪漫独立 . 亚洲女性的强项?：忠诚可靠，理解体贴。"
btw, im one of many 大陆来的中国女留学生, incase you are still very confused. : how do you think I am "still very confused" I am not even discussing your issue! I do mention Chinese male student from mainland may not be suitable to you, but that doesn't indicate I don't know where you are from. Was I inquiring about your background?
hahahahaha, that's called the dating game, everyone used that, i imagine it will be the same even if you are in China.
"我希望人们下次在喊china man时是因为我们作出了了不起的行为，这个词成为像Irish Man, British Man, 甚至black man一样通用的称呼，而不是一个连你都觉得political incorrect的蔑称。请你从社会的角度来看political correctness，它不是个人的无聊，而是一种社会现象和结果。"
language progresses everyday, it's just like back in the 50s, if you call a black man a nigger or niggero, it will not matter as much as if it had been done today.
same thing with the Jewish people in the US, a lot of them are wealthy and educated, but that still does not prevent them being called a Kike.
we are the fundamental building blocks of the society, and everyone starts to do something about it, the trends of the society will soon fade.
"how did you even come to the conclusion that 她并不具备很多黑人和白人女性的强项 ? such as, can you give me serval examples,：健康性感，浪漫独立 please ? i would be very happy if you would enlighten me. and what is 亚洲女性的强项?：忠诚可靠，理解体贴。 plus '亚洲女性的强项她如果在没有 ' is the wrong '在'. incase you dont remember. : I do remember. what I mean is if she doesn't even have the advantage of Asian woman, probably her value in her whatever race boyfriend's eye is a super-ego and poor quality idiot."
first of all, i think you are being judgemental over a lot of the issues.
健康性感，浪漫独立 is probably your version of the saying. how can you say that asian women are not 健康性感，浪漫独立? even the 大陆来的中国女留学生? how can you say that they are not sexy in their own ways, maybe according to you they are not. how can you also judge that they are not romantic and independent? they've left their families in China and stand on this land alone and fighting for their survival in their own ways, how is that not romantic and independent?
亚洲女性的强项?：忠诚可靠，理解体贴。i think you've seen too many hollywood movies to think that other races of women rather than asians are not trust worthy and reliable as well as understanding and thoughtful.
your definiations of us women regardless of race is the typical stereotyping categorizing the female gender.
"如果不用好莱坞的审美观点（不要否认你没有)" i think you are saying that to yourself. hence the "她并不具备很多黑人和白人女性的强项 '健康性感，浪漫独立 . 亚洲女性的强项?：忠诚可靠，理解体贴。"
btw, im one of many 大陆来的中国女留学生, incase you are still very confused.
if all chinese foreign students behave the way you do, (according to your publicized opinion), no wonder nice chinese girls wont marry people like you. 听起来很可怕。我认为我的想法是很极端和厌世的。但我见到太多比我有更多信任的男性朋友，中国的，美国的，印度的(I have a lot of international friends from all religion and political belief), 如果他们不用女性受用的小伎俩，以诚待人，是很难得到女性的‘动心’的。太多的女性喜欢fantacize 浪漫关系，不论中国和美国的。 learn to understand and respect political correctness is the first step being respected by others at least in the US. that is if you want others to stop calling you the China man, in front of you or behind your back. 我希望人们下次在喊china man时是因为我们作出了了不起的行为，这个词成为像Irish Man, British Man, 甚至black man一样通用的称呼，而不是一个连你都觉得political incorrect的蔑称。请你从社会的角度来看political correctness，它不是个人的无聊，而是一种社会现象和结果。 using a child's ability to speak chinese well or not to measure what her personality should be 'close to chinese' or not and lead to what kind of person she should fall in love with or even marry is ludcrious ! 不懂你是不是在批评我。 how did you even come to the conclusion that 她并不具备很多黑人和白人女性的强项 ? such as, can you give me serval examples,：健康性感，浪漫独立 please ? i would be very happy if you would enlighten me. and what is 亚洲女性的强项?：忠诚可靠，理解体贴。 plus '亚洲女性的强项她如果在没有 ' is the wrong '在'. incase you dont remember. : I do remember. what I mean is if she doesn't even have the advantage of Asian woman, probably her value in her whatever race boyfriend's eye is a super-ego and poor quality idiot.
my friends and i both have had very bad experiences dating 中国来的男留学生, especially 大陆来的. as a matter of fact, their manners .... again, i guess a person's up bringing is the basic and fundamental element of a person's personality. 我倒是理解大陆来的中国女留学生。如果不用好莱坞的审美观点（不要否认你没有），她们是美丽动人的！ PS please excuse the mixed english/chinese, my current station can not type chinese, so thanks for bearing with me, everyone !:) 中国男生原文： 其实，作为中国大陆来的男留学生，我很理解你女儿。虽然，偏好黑人，或不找亚洲男孩显然是种族歧视。甚至是歧视自己种族的一种种族歧视。但这是她的权力。只要她不会像其他很多肤浅的亚洲女孩一样可以在公众场合表现出来，这是完全可以理解的。 不 过，有一点你的女儿可能没有看到，那就是亚洲女性和亚洲男性在"dating"中的竞争力其实是接近的。身体方面我们都可以看到，东亚女性和东亚男性都有 第二性征发育比不上其他种族的缺点。都有眼睛小，脸宽，鼻子低的“非白种人”特征。好处是，男性可以用自己的承诺能力提高自己的竞争力。女性也可以用自己 的体贴理解能力来补贴自己的竞争力。你的女儿所表现出来的幼稚的“political correctness" 实际是会降低她的竞争力的。 她并不具备很多黑人和白人女性的强项，亚洲女性的强项她如果在没有，可能性满足是她最接近得到的东西。
This is in response to the person who commented that the daughter will have a difficult life and so will her children should she marry a black man. I just want to let you to know that in today's society skin color is no longer the deciding factor in the quality of one's life if it ever was. I have been happily married to a black man for 23 years and we have two beautiful children. Our older one speaks four languages including Chinese (the younger one is still very young). As a matter of fact he speaks more Chinese or is more willing to speak Chinese than most of my Chinese friends' children. I guess my point is that regardless whom you marry, marry for the right reasons and instill your values in your children and they will have a shot at a fullfilling and happy life just like anybody else.
I feel you should advise your daughter in setting her priority straight at selecting her future husband. Regardless of his skin color, she will have a difficult life if physical attibutes are what she focuses on in choosing a mate. Chinese are notorious for their prejudice againest other people, not just againest blacks but againest all people whom they are not familiar with (could be someone from a different city or from the countryside). They are prejudice not because of some deep rooted hatred but rather because of their ignorance. Chinese at large don't like to venture out to the unfamiliar. But once people have become familiar with you or your daughter and her choice, they will welcome them with open arms. Chinese are after all, warm and friendly as well. By the way, your daughter will not have green children if ever she decides to marry a black man. Rather, she will have beautiful, intelligent little ones as sciecnce will tell you that the more distant the cross breed, the stronger the genes. And you will certainly love them more.
if all chinese foreign students behave the way you do, (according to your publicized opinion), no wonder nice chinese girls wont marry people like you.
learn to understand and respect political correctness is the first step being respected by others at least in the US. that is if you want others to stop calling you the China man, in front of you or behind your back.
using a child's ability to speak chinese well or not to measure what her personality should be 'close to chinese' or not and lead to what kind of person she should fall in love with or even marry is ludcrious !
how did you even come to the conclusion that 她并不具备很多黑人和白人女性的强项 ? such as, can you give me serval examples, please ? i would be very happy if you would enlighten me. and what is 亚洲女性的强项? plus '亚洲女性的强项她如果在没有 ' is the wrong '在'. incase you dont remember.
my friends and i both have had very bad experiences dating 中国来的男留学生, especially 大陆来的. as a matter of fact, their manners .... again, i guess a person's up bringing is the basic and fundamental element of a person's personality.
PS please excuse the mixed english/chinese, my current station can not type chinese, so thanks for bearing with me, everyone !:)
i strongly support your opinions regarding letting the children experience life on their own.
although i dont really agree with marrying a black guy is FOR SURE going to be a diffcult life, but there are its little quirks about it. the environment of where and how a person grows up heavyly determinds his/her persona's personality, his/her experiences through life, a.k.a. this person's up bringing. in chinese, would be the 'Min Dang Hu Dui' theory.
but isn't it the same if a girl marrys an ABC or a chinese foreign student who came here for school? just because the color is the same, doesnt mean the marriage will be easy. color after all is only skin deep.
再回各位： 老公以前在家里的确“信口开河”，领教了女儿的厉害，现在不敢了。你很有智慧。 个性一说，正是我这些年来的思索。小女狂爱跳舞，尤其是节奏感强烈的那种，一直是啦啦队的主力，她喜欢古铜色的皮肤，我地道的“黄”人一个，她却总是同情地说我“So pale!” “Good mom” 不敢当，我总怀疑由于自己的成长经历，使我有过于放任孩子之嫌。一直在学习作母亲。不过，很感激你的理解。 老公临走前，与女儿有一次长谈。正是谈的你说的difficult life, for her and for our family。不否认女儿看上的，不论其肤色，一定是优秀的。但两人的结合，实际上也是两个家庭的结合，两种社交圈子的交叉。跨族裔结合更会是性相近，习相远，充满不确定性。
Years ago, we were at a close family friends' home for dinner. They were a Caucasian family. Their daughter and my daughters were good friends. While watching a TV show, the husband casually asked me "Would you let your daughter marry blacks?" I didn't want to answer it honestly and didn't know how to respond, so I returned the question: "Would you?" He sighed and answered: "It will be a difficult life for her if she does that." That is such sad but naked truth. It will not only be a difficult life for her, but also for her future children.
This is a very well written article. The comments reflect Chinese/Chinese American 's beliefs and values on whom to date in the U.S. as a multicultural and multiracial society. For me, from Ling Wu's responses to everybody, I really see Ling Wu as an educated mother and author understands and respects all readers' opinions and also respects her daughter's choice very well. As a reader I think the most important thing for a young girl who seems to know what she is doing is: African American people are like Chinese people, they have good and so-so and unqualified ones everywhere. Shall we firstly ask why the daughter loves the black classmate boy? I don't think it is just as simple as something against the partents' prejudice toward black guys. It must have sth to do with the personality and values about life. She is smart, she has to have her own experiences on the road of love. And she has a good mom.
well, I tell it honestly: 1. your daughter is very naive, not mature enough. She lives in her dream, not in reality. As a mother, you need talk with her, let her calm down, focus on other stuff before getting married or even considering a stable relationship. 2. I hold a racist attitude toward across-race dating. No afro is my bottomline. Racism? Yes. I do not want see a goup of hei heads around me. 3. This is a general discussion in response to your essay here,not aiming at your daughter's case. finally, wish your family get it right, all sides satisfied.
