我是黑人，不投我就是白人種族主義者。

我是女性，不投我的就是 proud boys 級的白人種族主義者。

我最近不男不女無性別，不投我就是歧視字母表的紅脖子。

我是小三女，是川普物化女人的悲慘受害者，一定要把他關進大牢。

我是你們的唯一救星，不投我川普就重進白宮了。

還有什麼理由呢？想不出來了。

嘎，嘎，嘎。

哦，還有一個理由。我給你們免費， everything！當然非法移民優先，黑人其次，拉丁第三，白人第四，，，只有自私的 MAGA 才反對。

錢從哪來？

亞裔幹活。只有歧視亞裔的白人種族主義者才不同意。

勤勞偉大的亞裔們，You can do it！ 幹活越多，就是越痛打 MAGA 紅脖子們的耳光。

嘎，嘎，嘎。

Hi, everyone, I am Kamala, your next president of the United States of America. I am aksing for your votes. Legal or illegal,dead or alive, domestic or foreign, I love them all.

Why me?

I am African. You have to vote for me unless you are a white supremacist.

I am female. You can make history by making me the first female president of the United States.

Some days my mood turns gender neutral, so to my LGBTQ community, I am one of you.I feel your pain inflicted by all the redneck misogynists.Fight back by voting for me.

I am also a victim, a victim of objectification of women. The word is a mouthful, but the crime is heinous. In my youth, a powerful man of my grandfather's age paid me merely 140 grand a year! Perhaps even less. Just last month, Trump was convicted of this heinous crime by our comrades in New York.

Now the choice is clear: me or Trump. Me who checks all the marks, or Trump the Hitler reincarnation? The Party has annointed me as your savior. A vote for me is a vote to defend Democracy!

What else? Let me think,,,

(Giggle,,,)

Oh, right, I'll give you freedom! The freedom to take everything you like, for free! Of course, there are priorities: undocumented aliens first, Africans next, then Latinos, then whites,,,

Someone asked where to steal, uh,obtain the money? 

Great question! But I have the perfect plan.

Asians!

Did I mention I am also Asian? To my fellow Asians , you are the hardest workers! Your relentless drive to make money will pay for the freedom of my country. Trump will exterminate you, but I will protect you.

(Giggle,,,)

Thank you all. Never forget: Democracy is in your hands. A vote for me is a vote against Hitler!

(Disclaimer: political satire. No copying in any format without the author's consent).