最后一次回复雨露：孩子犯罪，父母不一定有不可推卸的责任

雨露原文：孩子犯罪，父母有不可推卸的责任

雨露，很高兴在网上认识你，并同你平心静气地讨论彼此意见如此相左的问题。
你我的区别，我想，是在于，我是宁肯放过三千，也不愿意冤枉一个，而你大概是相反。宁可冤枉N人，不肯放过一个。南西.兰扎其实也是一名victim. 你自己是女强人，里里外外一把手，一切都搞得定，那么看别人，若不及你，没有作到你所作到的那么出色，就觉得对方有错。我没有直接与精神病人打过交道，只是听学生课堂内外来同我谈到他们自己或家庭里的经历，当家里有一个患者孩子时父母兄弟姐妹真是不容易，听起来都是令人唏嘘的故事，之后只庆幸自己有不那么让人操心的孩子！如果我真的有像亚当那样难带难缠的孩子，而且像南西兰扎那样有multiple sclerosis, 我不知道自己是否早就会急死气疯掉（亚当.兰扎感觉不到疼痛，故用蜡烛点燃去烧灼自己的手腕；有人问他对母亲怎么那么大的仇恨，可是实际上这种病人是情感缺失，恨也好爱也好一概感觉不到）网上看到有人写道：

（1）I would challenge any of you to contact your state foster care program and volunteer to provide respite care for the parents of a seriously developmentally disabled child, for 1  month.

Afterward, please call me. if you're not in a hospital. I would love to talk.

（2）This story demonstrates how extremely difficult it is for parents of seriously, developmentally disabled children, and how few options are available, even with plenty of money. Adam Lanza was seriously impaired and was never going to get any better. On top of that, his mother was dealing with MS, a progressive disease.We expect parents of these children to give up their lives in service to their disabilities. This is an untenable position for anyone. The father had a chance to escape, and who could blame him? Nothing is accomplished when two parents are "on fire" from dealing with the ongoing and tremendous stresses from attempting to care for a child that is impossible to care for. Just the simple things, getting the child to get dressed or brush his teeth is a huge battle of the wills.Anyone who has never cared for a child with this level of dysfunction has no frame of reference whatsoever for tremendous challenges faced each day by their parents

（3）同情南西.兰扎/Sympathy for Nancy Lanza By Amanda Marcotte Posted Tuesday, Dec. 18, 2012

对于正常儿童养育，可以说有了爱就有了一切； 但是对于有精神疾病的儿童养育，事情并非如此。光有爱是不够的。好，不多罗嗦，打住。现正打算戒网万维，在此跟你道个别吧。祝你一切如意。

补充一点：今天电子邮箱里有个朋友问我要不要他出的一本新书，题目是 Authoritative Parenting/民主型父母或宽严兼备的父母。也向你推荐一下：http://www.apa.org/pubs/books/4318109.aspx

Authoritative Parenting