不久前在萬維上讀到一篇博文（全文附後）：關於控槍的請願書，頗有感慨。萬維這個林子大了，什麼鳥都有，自以為是的鳥尤其多。該作者自稱曾經是靠英語吃飯的，並多次吹噓自己是在用美國人的思維方式考慮問題的。下面我不妨花一些時間與萬維的英語愛好者一起“奇文共賞”，解剖麻雀，看看這個narcissist, plus braggart, plus charlatan是怎麼煉成的。同時也提醒一下萬維的普世同仁，這位UIUC (University of Idiots  at Urbana-Champaign)的高材生其實並非你們想象中的benchmark of English mastery（不好意思，受SB博的感召，也變得喜歡弄些漢英混雜的雜燴示人）.

先請欣賞SB博的Chinglish第一段：

The following is a blog article posted by me a couple of days ago on the websites (http://blog.creaders.net/) and (http://blog./index.html) frequented mostly by the ethnic Chinese living in the US and Canada. My view is shared by some of readers and I am encouraged by them to send it to you as the voice from Chinese community on this issue. Note that there are adamant voices apposing my proposal as well.

評註：The following is a blog article posted by me…第一句話尚未讀完，但仿佛看到了SB博的diaper後冒出的小雞雞，特稚嫩可愛---想當初國內的大一新生可都是這麼寫的，後面又冒出一個by them，看來主動語態與被動語態的不同應用應該好好複習一下。最後一句是脫褲子放屁，多此一舉，只會weaken作者的arguments.要知道這僅是一個請願書，而不是新聞報道或學術論文，所以根本不需考慮什麼balanced account  .  而且，這句中有個misspelling: apposing ,正確的應該是opposing.這類錯誤對該作者來說也不是絕無僅有：“老沙，你不要哄老實人開心，哪有什麼住滿五年可以免稅之說？
你在加州？ 有沒有搞錯？ 加州哪有你這樣的hillybilly?你更像是住在肯塔基州一帶 “Boredomville”的紅脖子，開着pickup truck, 後座上方掛着shotgun,身穿緊身牛仔褲，口裡嚼着煙葉， 呵呵。 - See”摘自作者的另一篇博文(該死的“弼馬溫”！)後的作者自己的評論。（http://blog.creaders.net/suibi4/）

其中hillybilly也是一個misspelling，正確的應該是hillbilly。所以不難發現SB博是一個地地道道的sloppy English user. 不好意思，博主本想通過hillbilly, redneck這些詞彙來顯擺他的“地道”英語，沒想到碰到一個來拆台的。言歸正傳，那這段怎麼改比較好呢？試了一下：

The following is a blog I posted a few days ago on creaders.net, a key Chinese-language website for Chinese expatriates mostly living in the US and Canada. Surprisingly, my view is shared by many of readers and I am encouraged to send it to you as the voice of Chinese community on this issue.

再來看看請願書正文的首段：

With a standing ovation of the American audience, you are sent to the plate for the second time as an ace pitcher, a star player. Your curve balls have shut down the Republican right-handers in prior innings. The game is at the fifth inning and you are at-bat. You have seen the people’s signal of the direction toward a safe society embracing kaleidoscopic cultures and multifarious values. You are obliged to build a future in which our children can go to school and come home safely and walk in the street without fearing being kissed by flying bullets.

評註：What an amazing fawning critter! 絕對是用英文拍馬屁的經典，無愧於馬屁之邦對你幾十年的薰陶。“千臭萬臭，馬屁不臭”也是我泱泱大國對普世價值的重要貢獻。且慢！聽說人家老馬運動方面的愛好是basketball and golf，你這一大堆的baseball lingo，老馬未必覺得受用，極有可能是馬屁拍在馬腿上，老馬的reaction可以預料：蹄之。所以有勞你多為顧客着想，忍痛割愛，將你比較擅長的baseball馬屁改成你可能比較陌生的basketball馬屁。另外，人們通常說：kaleidoscope of cultures而不是 kaleidoscopic cultures、walk on the street 而不是 walk in the street 洋涇浜英語的痕跡還是不難發現的。當你walk in the street 是不太可能come home safe的，因為你極有可能被車撞死，即使你鍾愛的老馬把所有的槍都禁了。

建議：整段都是廢話，全刪。

接着往下看：

You know what we are talking about: do something about gun control!

Do the militarized police force, the camouflaged National Guard and the armed-to-the-teeth military suffice? Or we citizens have to seek solace from the hardware manufactured by Smith & Wesson, Glock and Beretta?

We know the answer and we bet you do as well.

評註：yadda yadda yadda 老白天，懶婆娘的裹腳布層層剝開後終於露出了三寸金蓮，老馬可能會問：Why should I?

看到armed-to-the-teeth 自然讓人聯想到小時候吃的黨給的免費鈣片：我們打敗了武裝到牙齒的的美帝國主義..., 作者的洗腦後遺症還是不可掉以輕心的。不過，不急，本人馬上要在萬維開個clinic 專治這類疑難雜症。

再則，‘seek/find solacein something’is a typical collocation in English. 作者的‘seek solace from the hardware manufactured’ 只能算是是有中國特色的English。當然，隨着祖國硬實力的日新月異，Chinglish在Oxford，Merriam-Webster上占有一席之地也並非不可能。出點錢不要緊，只要能增強軟實力就行。屆時中國人民學英文就容易多了。

繼續：

The second term is an opportunity for a legacy of guru with true courage to confront the powerful. We need you to draw a line, an outer limit to contain the monstrous gun rights embodied as NRA (National Rifle Association). The doctrine of “Gun doesn’t kill” is as posturing as red herrings of “drugs don’t kill” or “junk food doesn’t kill.” The second amendment right shall not supersede the individual right empowered by the Declaration of Independence: “that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.” The American landscape is adorned with Halloween scenery of senseless killings.

評註：既然這裡提到了creator，想問作者一個問題：你是有神論者還是無神論者？請誠實地回答這個問題，千萬不要因為這樣引用very convenient，就說違心的話哦！見風使舵不會是你此前提到的美國人的multifarious values之一吧？

稍安勿躁：

Mr. President, if you don’t believe the “taking things into our own hands” mentality should have a place in the society under the rule of law, introduce a bill to the House to revive the Federal Assault Weapons Ban which expired in 2004. The America is evolving demographically into a society in which the majority does not believe guns are the talisman for justice and peace. An effective and just judicial system is the best tutelage for our individual liberty.

評註：文中 “taking things into our own hands” mentality 應改為take-matters-into-your-own-hands mentality，還天天尿褲子就不想戴紙尿褲了。要想attain freedom of English writing可不是一朝一夕之功。文中“The America”The is redundant。語法的冠詞部分還得加加工。demographically 在文中又是很做作，毫無用處。tutelage在文中的用法存疑，the typical usage of the word is under the tutelage of sb/ under sb’s tutelage. 當然如果你是語言大師，怎麼用都行。否則你就得comply。

隧道終點的一絲亮光：

If you do send the bill to the House, you will be remembered as a legendary political pitcher as Satchel Paige is in the baseball history, regardless of the binary outcome. “

Best regards

評註：send here is not a good word choice, but present is. 這裡的bill可不是一張紙或一封信，老馬扔進(send)國會的郵筒就是了。

binary outcome 應改為 binary outcomes。名詞複數看來也得溫習溫習啊。

outcome. “ 後面的引號是怎麼回事？

Best regards 後面應加逗號。看來punctuation marks 也沒學好。

而且，最後用Best regards 也不夠嚴肅，正確的選擇應是Sincerely，。

總體印象：文風華而不實，堆砌作者自認為很值錢的fancy words, like tutelage, talisman（目的無非是蒙蒙外行）, 但對最最基本的虛詞（particles）如on, in, from, the卻尚未掌握。標點符號，名詞單複數等基本語法也是非常shaky。看完全文，讓我想起老趙筆下的三仙姑：那臉上的粉，活像下上了霜的驢糞蛋。

再來看看美國人是如何言簡意賅地將這個petition給寫出來的。見下面的鏈接。

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/immediately-address-issue-gun-control-through-introduction-legislation-congress/2tgcXzQC

最後聲明一下，本人批評SB博 in good faith:治病救人，重症還需猛藥，刻薄言辭在所難免。

附 SB博博文：