不久前在万维上读到一篇博文（全文附后）：关于控枪的请愿书，颇有感慨。万维这个林子大了，什么鸟都有，自以为是的鸟尤其多。该作者自称曾经是靠英语吃饭的，并多次吹嘘自己是在用美国人的思维方式考虑问题的。下面我不妨花一些时间与万维的英语爱好者一起“奇文共赏”，解剖麻雀，看看这个narcissist, plus braggart, plus charlatan是怎么炼成的。同时也提醒一下万维的普世同仁，这位UIUC (University of Idiots  at Urbana-Champaign)的高材生其实并非你们想象中的benchmark of English mastery（不好意思，受SB博的感召，也变得喜欢弄些汉英混杂的杂烩示人）.

先请欣赏SB博的Chinglish第一段：

The following is a blog article posted by me a couple of days ago on the websites (http://blog.creaders.net/) and (http://blog./index.html) frequented mostly by the ethnic Chinese living in the US and Canada. My view is shared by some of readers and I am encouraged by them to send it to you as the voice from Chinese community on this issue. Note that there are adamant voices apposing my proposal as well.

评注：The following is a blog article posted by me…第一句话尚未读完，但仿佛看到了SB博的diaper后冒出的小鸡鸡，特稚嫩可爱---想当初国内的大一新生可都是这么写的，后面又冒出一个by them，看来主动语态与被动语态的不同应用应该好好复习一下。最后一句是脱裤子放屁，多此一举，只会weaken作者的arguments.要知道这仅是一个请愿书，而不是新闻报道或学术论文，所以根本不需考虑什么balanced account  .  而且，这句中有个misspelling: apposing ,正确的应该是opposing.这类错误对该作者来说也不是绝无仅有：“老沙，你不要哄老实人开心，哪有什么住满五年可以免税之说？
你在加州？ 有没有搞错？ 加州哪有你这样的hillybilly?你更像是住在肯塔基州一带 “Boredomville”的红脖子，开着pickup truck, 后座上方挂着shotgun,身穿紧身牛仔裤，口里嚼着烟叶， 呵呵。 - See”摘自作者的另一篇博文(该死的“弼马温”！)后的作者自己的评论。（http://blog.creaders.net/suibi4/）

其中hillybilly也是一个misspelling，正确的应该是hillbilly。所以不难发现SB博是一个地地道道的sloppy English user. 不好意思，博主本想通过hillbilly, redneck这些词汇来显摆他的“地道”英语，没想到碰到一个来拆台的。言归正传，那这段怎么改比较好呢？试了一下：

The following is a blog I posted a few days ago on creaders.net, a key Chinese-language website for Chinese expatriates mostly living in the US and Canada. Surprisingly, my view is shared by many of readers and I am encouraged to send it to you as the voice of Chinese community on this issue.

再来看看请愿书正文的首段：

With a standing ovation of the American audience, you are sent to the plate for the second time as an ace pitcher, a star player. Your curve balls have shut down the Republican right-handers in prior innings. The game is at the fifth inning and you are at-bat. You have seen the people’s signal of the direction toward a safe society embracing kaleidoscopic cultures and multifarious values. You are obliged to build a future in which our children can go to school and come home safely and walk in the street without fearing being kissed by flying bullets.

评注：What an amazing fawning critter! 绝对是用英文拍马屁的经典，无愧于马屁之邦对你几十年的熏陶。“千臭万臭，马屁不臭”也是我泱泱大国对普世价值的重要贡献。且慢！听说人家老马运动方面的爱好是basketball and golf，你这一大堆的baseball lingo，老马未必觉得受用，极有可能是马屁拍在马腿上，老马的reaction可以预料：蹄之。所以有劳你多为顾客着想，忍痛割爱，将你比较擅长的baseball马屁改成你可能比较陌生的basketball马屁。另外，人们通常说：kaleidoscope of cultures而不是 kaleidoscopic cultures、walk on the street 而不是 walk in the street 洋泾浜英语的痕迹还是不难发现的。当你walk in the street 是不太可能come home safe的，因为你极有可能被车撞死，即使你钟爱的老马把所有的枪都禁了。

建议：整段都是废话，全删。

接着往下看：

You know what we are talking about: do something about gun control!

Do the militarized police force, the camouflaged National Guard and the armed-to-the-teeth military suffice? Or we citizens have to seek solace from the hardware manufactured by Smith & Wesson, Glock and Beretta?

We know the answer and we bet you do as well.

评注：yadda yadda yadda 老白天，懒婆娘的裹脚布层层剥开后终于露出了三寸金莲，老马可能会问：Why should I?

看到armed-to-the-teeth 自然让人联想到小时候吃的党给的免费钙片：我们打败了武装到牙齿的的美帝国主义..., 作者的洗脑后遗症还是不可掉以轻心的。不过，不急，本人马上要在万维开个clinic 专治这类疑难杂症。

再则，‘seek/find solacein something’is a typical collocation in English. 作者的‘seek solace from the hardware manufactured’ 只能算是是有中国特色的English。当然，随着祖国硬实力的日新月异，Chinglish在Oxford，Merriam-Webster上占有一席之地也并非不可能。出点钱不要紧，只要能增强软实力就行。届时中国人民学英文就容易多了。

继续：

The second term is an opportunity for a legacy of guru with true courage to confront the powerful. We need you to draw a line, an outer limit to contain the monstrous gun rights embodied as NRA (National Rifle Association). The doctrine of “Gun doesn’t kill” is as posturing as red herrings of “drugs don’t kill” or “junk food doesn’t kill.” The second amendment right shall not supersede the individual right empowered by the Declaration of Independence: “that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.” The American landscape is adorned with Halloween scenery of senseless killings.

评注：既然这里提到了creator，想问作者一个问题：你是有神论者还是无神论者？请诚实地回答这个问题，千万不要因为这样引用very convenient，就说违心的话哦！见风使舵不会是你此前提到的美国人的multifarious values之一吧？

稍安勿躁：

Mr. President, if you don’t believe the “taking things into our own hands” mentality should have a place in the society under the rule of law, introduce a bill to the House to revive the Federal Assault Weapons Ban which expired in 2004. The America is evolving demographically into a society in which the majority does not believe guns are the talisman for justice and peace. An effective and just judicial system is the best tutelage for our individual liberty.

评注：文中 “taking things into our own hands” mentality 应改为take-matters-into-your-own-hands mentality，还天天尿裤子就不想戴纸尿裤了。要想attain freedom of English writing可不是一朝一夕之功。文中“The America”The is redundant。语法的冠词部分还得加加工。demographically 在文中又是很做作，毫无用处。tutelage在文中的用法存疑，the typical usage of the word is under the tutelage of sb/ under sb’s tutelage. 当然如果你是语言大师，怎么用都行。否则你就得comply。

隧道终点的一丝亮光：

If you do send the bill to the House, you will be remembered as a legendary political pitcher as Satchel Paige is in the baseball history, regardless of the binary outcome. “

Best regards

评注：send here is not a good word choice, but present is. 这里的bill可不是一张纸或一封信，老马扔进(send)国会的邮筒就是了。

binary outcome 应改为 binary outcomes。名词复数看来也得温习温习啊。

outcome. “ 后面的引号是怎么回事？

Best regards 后面应加逗号。看来punctuation marks 也没学好。

而且，最后用Best regards 也不够严肃，正确的选择应是Sincerely，。

总体印象：文风华而不实，堆砌作者自认为很值钱的fancy words, like tutelage, talisman（目的无非是蒙蒙外行）, 但对最最基本的虚词（particles）如on, in, from, the却尚未掌握。标点符号，名词单复数等基本语法也是非常shaky。看完全文，让我想起老赵笔下的三仙姑：那脸上的粉，活像下上了霜的驴粪蛋。

再来看看美国人是如何言简意赅地将这个petition给写出来的。见下面的链接。

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/immediately-address-issue-gun-control-through-introduction-legislation-congress/2tgcXzQC

最后声明一下，本人批评SB博 in good faith:治病救人，重症还需猛药，刻薄言辞在所难免。

附 SB博博文：