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作者：莺歌燕语 |
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留言时间：2011-03-20 18:31:45 |
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作者：li15 |
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留言时间：2011-03-13 07:43:23 |
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"Mastering" is impossible in networking, because it depends not only on one's skill. Keeping one's eyes on the ball in social networking is the only thing one may do -- 不是说“谋事在人，成事在天”吗？任何事情，都没有必要追求完美, 也不可能！
BTW, 成功可以追就但不可强究! 成功是幸福的标志；幸福也算是一种成功。成功的人不一定是最幸福的人，但成功就是成功。俗话说，行行出状元。即使不是最幸福的人，成了一行的状元当然算成功。幸福也算是一种成功，但不能算是真正的(from "truly")成功。因为成功是相对很多的不成功而言；不成功的“幸福”却是几乎人人都可以有的。世上很少有人愿意承认某种失败，这是心理上的需要。所以说"平安就是福"。本人觉得如果一个人达到了多少年奋斗的目标，甚至得到大大超过预期的结果，那就是巨大的成功。“甜酸苦辣都尝过，德高望重美名生。” 当然或许也会有人恭维有人忌恨。世上没有完美的事，所以丝毫没有必要追究完美，更不必计较。这一点影响了我对教育的见解。“学而优则仕”在现代来解释，这个“学”不一定指学堂里的学，这个“仕”也不是官场中的仕。这里的“优”本人的理解就是指成功。首先是在“学”(主要是自学的能力上，因为只有具备自学的能力才算)上面讲优秀，然后是在事业上成功。成功的人比不成功的人或许有更多的敌人，但这是人性使然。当然，在教育上是"千个师傅千个法" -- "All's well that ends well"，看人生是“仁者见仁，智者见智”。不必在意， 更不必计较！ |
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作者：莺歌燕语 |
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留言时间：2011-03-12 18:43:45 |
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li15,
Yes,networking is one of the most important skills that people need to master to be truly successful. |
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作者：li15 |
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留言时间：2011-03-12 07:35:26 |
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The first "him/her" should be "he/she" in my last comment, sorry. |
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作者：li15 |
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留言时间：2011-03-12 07:31:45 |
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莺歌燕语,
As you said, "if kids are raised [raising] by loving, educated and hard-working parents and going to a reasonable school in the States, they would turn out fine even if yu (that is from South) leave them to their own device." I might say that “reasonable school” is not as important as some people think. The child knows that him/her is loved; parents' hard-working tells him/her already what to do. We never have any problem with our son at all. I am sure your daughters are wonderful with you such a lovely, talent and caring mother.
I remember that you mentioned that your daughters playing piano. When our son questioned why I wanted him to play tennis, I said because I did not have chance and I hoped that he had a chance in everything. He learned other sports by himself and exercise everyday and grows a little bit like an athlete. He learned some dance by himself (I mean that we did not even mention to him before he asked for money to pay some dancing classes) and participated in every year's show of the Asia Students Association in college. He played violin in middle and high schools (as the first violinist in middle school and the “co-first” in junior high. That principal tried to keep him by “co-first”, but, he left that high school after he found from a friend about a special residential high recruiting only top students that-state wide with nearly 10 percent graduates going to top private universities and more than 80 percent graduates going to the best public university in that state. That senior high school is a small, public and free in tuition and board at that time but was planning to charge. Though, I do not know whether he would be more successful yet, I hope he would – perhaps, not academically, which is okay with us). He does have a better chance, but, he still have a long way to go. It is up to him. I know that if one does well and makes friends, there may be some people willing to help as in my personal experiences. THIS IS ANOTHER VERY IMPORTANT SKILL IN THE SOCIETY.
Your daughters are very young, as in the way you are writing? I read from your another blog that you had lived (or are living) in DC area? I went there in the last October to meet my college roommate, when he came to the world bank conference last year. |
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作者：莺歌燕语 |
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留言时间：2011-03-07 17:51:44 |
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li15,
You must be a proud parent. |
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作者：li15 |
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留言时间：2011-03-05 10:12:16 |
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莺歌燕语,
My son is a grown-up with a senior management position at a top 500 place which helps him with time breaks to continue in graduate program without paying in a nearby top public university after he took GRE with an almost perfect score and was offered the manager position more than a half year before he graduated from a top private university with 2 bachelor degrees. He is far away from us, but, we recently sold the house and moved toward his place and settled down nearby (by "god"'s wish). He is very independent; we do not worry about him at all. BTW,we had lived in 4 different states before we finally settled down, my academic career still involves traveling frequently.
However, I do not have time (or interest -- I do not want to be a public person) to start a blog. I just received a message from my roommate in college from Beijing this morning about this issue too. His blog is very populous in China with his fame and position. Again, I will not start a blog. Thank you for saying that, though. Have a nice weekend. |
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作者：莺歌燕语 |
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留言时间：2011-03-05 06:40:32 |
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li15,
How old is your son now? Did you get any chance to discuss your child raising style with him? May be you should start your own blog and write your experience down.
However, I think if kids are raising by loving, educated and hard-working parents and going to a reasonable school in the States, they would turn out fine even if you leave them to their own device; in fact, they probably would be more successful since they are more independent and mature. |
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作者：li15 |
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留言时间：2011-03-04 12:39:11 |
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莺歌燕语,
You are welcome. I only do not know if I might say something useful to anybody. Here are more:
专注力：能静下来, 不受干扰的能力。We always asked our son to keep doing for long enough whenever he started on a task.
韧性：持久力，耐力,百折不饶。Once, he said to me, "You think it's so easy to get all A's there (a top private research university)?" I replied, "I would not remind you of keeping to excel yourself if it is easy."
独立性：不在乎别人说三道四。
淡泊名利：不记较一时的得失。He actually did much worse the first time when he were away from us in a special kind of high school. I smiled and only said, "See! I told you. You would not be doing as well as you could when we were not there for you everyday." He smiled back and promised that he would do much better because of that mistake (he enjoyed too much freedom the first time by having too many friends). Well, he always did well after that.
We never acted like Tiger mom. We actually always smiled toward him with more encouragement rather than punishment.
We are always very firm though on what he should do. He was allowed to choose any friends, but we paid attention on who they were and asked about his friends occasionally. Having different kinds of friends is actually an important part for a child's future in the society.
I remember that I bought 5 books for us about raising a child and more than 50 picture books for our son before he went to school. He remembered every word in all of those books (without writing) then in China. That explains why he was in a gifted class since the second year in the second grade here in USA. He came to USA one month after the first semester in the first grade.
This is one of the reasons I feel too difficult for me to write down. Too much serious thinking is needed for me. |
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作者：莺歌燕语 |
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留言时间：2011-03-03 18:29:36 |
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作者：li15 |
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留言时间：2011-02-27 07:27:27 |
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I do not have time to write down； it would need a lot of serious thinking. Therefore, I just write something here (maybe) first: 少年立志，自尊，自强，独立性，自制能力，自学能力，随遇而安的性格，广泛的兴趣，趋于完整的人格，交往能力 (I did not mean 交际), 眼光或洞察力，勇气，勇于探索的能力。What parents can do is 帮促 ( not only help) 其子女找到她们喜欢的
并能够达到的人生目标。Of course, no parents can be sure that they do everything correct. 所以说，“尽人事，知天命。”
自学能力! 自学能力犹为重要。 |
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作者：li15 |
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留言时间：2011-02-27 07:27:13 |
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I do not have time to write down； it would need a lot of serious thinking. Therefore, I just write something here (maybe) first: 少年立志，自尊，自强，独立性，自制能力，自学能力，随遇而安的性格，广泛的兴趣，趋于完整的人格，交往能力 (I did not mean 交际), 眼光或洞察力，勇气，勇于探索的能力。What parents can do is 帮促 ( not only help) 其子女找到她们喜欢的
并能够达到的人生目标。Of course, no parents can be sure that they do everything correct. 所以说，“尽人事，知天命。”
自学能力! 自学能力犹为重要。 |
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作者：li15 |
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留言时间：2011-02-27 06:46:20 |
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有人說過﹐"教育的目的是為了培養聖人。" 文革中也提到了類似的一點,不要讀死書和不要死讀書。真正優秀的學生是不太依賴老師的。It depends on one's talent, not only on competence. Today's 聖人: A person who may contribute, with one's talent, to the society significantly. However, the society also needs those who can contribute by hard working. Do not mention that a person who has talent must work hard too.
一般而言，因人 (child, teacher, -- not only child)，因时，因地施教。不光是因材施教。水到渠自成，不拔苗促长恐怕是第一要点。But, discipline is still very important. The question is "how to discipline". |
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作者：莺歌燕语 |
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留言时间：2011-02-26 19:32:16 |
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作者：li15 |
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留言时间：2011-02-25 15:51:13 |
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You might also be interested in the following article, at this creaders.net, in case you had not taken a look:
http://blog.creaders.net/shengleiwu/user_blog_diary.php?did=77762
I usually only read without writing a comment. I did post
a short comment there. |
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作者：莺歌燕语 |
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留言时间：2011-02-25 05:05:43 |
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作者：li15 |
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留言时间：2011-02-24 06:37:04 |
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I still do not have time to write, because it is not clear to me what to write. You may be interested in reading an article on sina:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e37057b0100oizc.html?tj=1 |
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作者：莺歌燕语 |
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留言时间：2011-02-17 16:41:00 |
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作者：li15 |
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留言时间：2011-02-16 14:26:34 |
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莺歌燕语,
I am not an educator either(neither am I an educator);though, education is one of my minor interests without any FORMAL TRAINING. The question you asked is beyond I can answer.But, I do not worry about the situation and I AM optimistic. It is not practical or necessary if we want all parents to be able
to do the best for their children. I may try to write down more during my spare time and post another comment in, say, one or two weeks, since I do like the discussion in this category. |
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作者：莺歌燕语 |
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留言时间：2011-02-16 05:45:41 |
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li15,
Well said!
Do you think Chinese parents as a whole doing a good job raising our kids? I see serious problems as we emphasize too much on academic and other solitary skills such as piano. Risk taking, networking abilities to name a few are far more important than “hard” skills once the youngsters entering the society, even in academic fields.
BTW, I am not an educator neither. It's just truly breaking my heart to watch the way we raise our next generation. |
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作者：li15 |
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留言时间：2011-02-15 17:47:55 |
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Exactly. Education does not mean only academic
education. Helping youngsters in building their
self confidences, preparing them to be perseverant,
and, supporting them for setting reasonable
expectations and goals in their lives are among
other difficult and important things for parents
and teachers. I guess that the specific methods
or techniques seriously depend on each individual
person. That is where parents may do more than
teachers. (BTW, my field is not in education.) |
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作者：莺歌燕语 |
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留言时间：2011-02-14 06:35:12 |
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li15,
Thank you for your comments!
I agree with you that there is no unique way to raise a child.
To be successful, education is essential; however, formal education is not. To become a serious scholar, one also needs abilities beyond academic, unfortunately. This is where our Chinese parents as a whole failed left to right. |
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作者：li15 |
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留言时间：2011-02-11 19:49:36 |
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I worked as a visiting assistant professor at that university that black graduated from. There is some political reason for a black to be in his place,
besides scholarship and talent. But, to be a serious scholar, his education was not good enough.
I do agree that some parents do not know the right way
to help their children in life, but serious discipline
is not the problem. 千个师傅千个法; the answer is not unique. Many Americans do very well in this aspect too,
my former adviser and his wife were examples. There
was an article on the local newspaper about several students in the same area with the pictures of their
son and our son,who were from different schools when
I was finishing my degree. |
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作者：莺歌燕语 |
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留言时间：2011-01-30 06:50:52 |
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作者：又一蛮夷 |
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留言时间：2011-01-29 20:26:14 |
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那天我在上班的路上也听了那段 NPR 的节目。“和我奶奶一样，有一对三寸金莲”，不过呀，三寸金莲小，横量，奶奶孙女就全照顾到了:-) |
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作者：莺歌燕语 |
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留言时间：2011-01-29 19:45:30 |
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晓竹，
虾研所放假马上要结束了，在做准备工作呢。
新年快乐！ |
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作者：晓竹 |
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留言时间：2011-01-29 19:28:29 |
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这样的跳跃性思维很有意思，虾研所的新方向 :-)
祝你们全家新年快乐，顺心如意！ |
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作者：莺歌燕语 |
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留言时间：2011-01-29 17:12:30 |
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冬儿，
我这准“围脖”是超膘滴。好像字数不能过一百四吧。
马黑，
许多人都不会忘记那天。我因为刚从佛罗里达回来，远远地见过那架飞船，所以特别关注。 |
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作者：莺歌燕语 |
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留言时间：2011-01-29 17:08:52 |
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转悠，
肯定不是乖宝宝，没人见过像老太太一样的宝宝吧？
欢笑，
是啊，1月28日的那个爆炸最好永远不要再见了。 |
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作者：莺歌燕语 |
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留言时间：2011-01-29 17:05:10 |
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雨露，
我在美国生活的日子比在中国多了。那年我在学校念书，利用寒假，去了一次佛罗里达，见见米老鼠，也去航天中心开开眼。
欧阳，
是啊，这创新精神是越“培养”就越没了。另外，兴趣这东西好像也是一样，家长越培养，呵呵，就越反感。 |
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