The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem – Nathaniel Branden
Living Consciously
To live consciously means to seek to be aware of everything that bears on our actions, purposes, values, and goals – to the best of our ability, whatever that ability may be – and to behave in accordance with that which we see and know.
A mind that is active rather than passive
An intelligence that takes joy in its own function
Being “in the moment” without losing the wider context
Reaching out toward relevant facts rather than withdrawing from them
Being concerned to distinguish among facts, interpretations, and emotions
Noticing and confronting my impulses to avoid or deny painful or threatening realities
Being concerned to know “where I am” relative to my various (personal and professional) goals and projects, and whether I am succeeding or failing
Being concerned to know if my actions are in alignment with my purposes
Searching for feedback from the environment so as to adjust or correct my course when necessary
Persevering in the attempt to understand in spite of difficulties
Being receptive to new knowledge and willing to reexamine old assumptions
Being willing to see and correct mistakes
Seeking always to expand awareness – a commitment to learning – therefore, a commitment to growth as a way of life
A concern to understand the world around me
A concern to know not only external reality but also internal reality, the reality of my needs, feelings, aspirations, and motives, so that I am not a stranger or a mystery to myself
A concern to be aware of the values that move and guide me, as well as their roots, so that I am not ruled by values I have irrationally adopted or uncritically accepted from others
Self-Acceptance
To be self-accepting:I choose to value myself, to treat myself with respect, to stand up for my right to exist.
To experience (to make real to ourselves without denial or evasion) that we think what we think, feel what we feel, desire what we desire, have done what we have done, and are what we are.
To show compassion to myself, to be a friend to myself.
Self-Responsibility
I am responsible for the achievement of my desires
I am responsible for my choices and actions
I am responsible for the level of consciousness I bring to my work
I am responsible for my behavior with other people – coworkers, associates, customers, spouse, children, friends
I am responsible for how I prioritize my time
I am responsible for the quality of my communications
I am responsible for my personal happiness
I am responsible for accepting or choosing the values by which I live
I am responsible for raising my self-esteem
Self-Assertiveness
Honoring my wants, needs, and values and seeking appropriate forms of their expression in reality.
Living Purposely
To use our powers for the attainment of goals we have selected:the goal of
Studying
Raising a family
Earning a living
Starting a new business
Bringing a new product into the marketplace
Solving a scientific problem
Building a vacation home
Sustaining a happy romantic relationship
It is our goals that lead us forward, that call on the exercise of our faculties, that energize our existence
Personal Integrity
The integration of ideals, convictions, standards, beliefs – and behavior
When our behavior is congruent with our professed values, when ideals and practice match, we have integrity
