一九九七年早春的一天，祝老師說有事要跟我說。我來到了他們的房間。他們倆就開始討論我和劉健君的事。

他的室友對他說：“你沒告訴盧岩，劉健君她爸是什麼高級幹部，家裡有錢，有房子。現在找對象都講究綜合實力，人家有，你為什麼不說？”

One day in the early spring of 1997, Teacher Zhu said he had something to tell me. I came to their room. The two of them started talking about Eve Liu and me.

His roommate said to him, “You didn't tell Luyan that Eve Liu's father is some kind of senior cadre, and her family has money and houses. Finding a date nowadays is all about comprehensive strength, she has it, why didn't you say anything?”

祝老師說：“我對他說過幾次，七十年代，她爸就已經是師級幹部了。後來到了什麼級別，我從來沒有興趣問，也不知道。” 他對我說：“她爸身體不好，現在在家呢。退休還是離休？人家沒跟我說過，我也沒問過，我們嘮嗑不嘮這個。她家有多少錢？人家不會告訴我。我不知道，就不能說。” 他又轉向室友說：“房子人家可真不缺，對盧岩有吸引力，但不大。”

Teacher Zhu said, "I told him several times that her father was already a division-level cadre in the 1970s. I have never been interested in asking what level he reached later, and I don't know." He said to me, "Her father is in poor health and is now at home. Is he retired or Emerald? He never told me, and I never asked. We don't talk about this. How much money does her family have? They won't tell me. I don't know, so I can't say it." He turned to his roommate and said, "They really don't have a shortage of houses. It is attractive to Luyan, but not much."

室友說：“你怎麼知道沒多少影響？”

我說：“她的家境不錯，挺好；比這好再多，沒什麼用了。”

祝老師對他說：“你看怎麼樣！我早就看出來了！這好，我喜歡！如果他倆結婚了，倆人平等。盧岩不會因為家境感覺比劉健君低一等。”

室友問：“盧岩是咋回事？不喜歡錢和權勢？”

祝老師說：“他當然也喜歡有錢有勢，但他更看重人。” 對我說：“她爸爸有個主意，讓我跟你商量商量。”

His roommate said, “How do you know there's not much impact?”

I said, “She's from a well-off family, pretty good; any better than that, not much use.”

Teacher Zhu said to him, “Look how it is! I saw it a long time ago! It's good, I like it! If the two of them get married, the two are equal. Luyan won't feel inferior to Eve Liu because of his family's comparably poor situation.”

The roommate asked, "What's wrong with Luyan? Doesn't like money and power?"

Mr. Huang said, “Of course he likes money and power too, but he values people more.” To me, he said, “Her father had an idea and asked me to discuss it with you.”

祝老師對我說：“你的情況我們都知道得清清楚楚，我們對你有完全的信心。劉健君在那兒上大學念研究生，我們五六個人就一直在研究她。她的心肝肺，我們是摸得清清楚楚。你們倆配成婚姻，誰也不吃虧，誰也不占便宜。只是機緣不合，你們倆沒能互相了解。熟悉之後，你們倆總有說不完的話，嘮不完的磕。對此，我們有100%的把握。沒把握的事，我們不做。盧岩，你就差一點，就是你給別人的第一印象不行。就因為這個弱點，你可虧大了。她爸說，我們對你進行些培訓。準備好了之後，老頭子就裝病，讓劉健君從美國回來。她回來後，讓你們倆處一段時間就結婚。”

Teacher Zhu said to me, "We all know your situation very well, and we have complete confidence in you. Eve Liu was a graduate student there, and five or six of us have been studying her. We know her heart and liver very well. If you two were to get married, neither of you would suffer a loss, and neither of you would take advantage. It's just that you two didn't get to know each other well due to bad luck. After you got to know each other, you two would always have endless affairs to talk about. We are 100% sure about this. We won't do anything we are not sure about. Luyan, you just lacked a little bit, that is, you didn't give others a good first impression. Because of this weakness, you suffered a great loss. Her father said that we will give you some training. After you are ready, the old man will pretend to be sick and let Eve Liu come back from the United States. After she comes back, let you two get along for a while and then get married."

8.3-2 準備工作 Preparations

我問：“準備什麼？”

祝老師說：“這是我們五六個人研究的結果。你在各方面的根基都不差，就差接人待物的言談舉止。在這方面，我們有我們的一套東西，說着他就在屋裡走來走去，表演給我看。他一邊比畫一邊說：‘這套東西劉健君特別喜歡，她就經常練習，就很擅長。我親自來教你。只是明白不行，這東西需要練習和使用才能掌握。我們送你去個地方，和那些人吃住睡在一起，你很快就能掌握。也許需要一兩個月，我看你成了，拿的出手了，就接你回來。’”

I asked, “What are we preparing for?”

Teacher Zhu said, “This is the result of research by five or six of us. You have a good foundation in all aspects, except for your manners and behavior. In this regard, we have our own set of things. He walked around the room and performed for me. He gestured and said, ‘Eve Liu likes this set of things very much. She practices it often and is very good at it. I will teach you in person. It’s not enough to just understand it. This thing needs practice and use to master it. We will send you to a place where you can eat, sleep and live with those people. You will master it quickly. It may take one or two months. When I see that you have done it and can show it off, I will take you back.’”

祝老師說：“你回來後，我再介紹幾個我們的朋友給你。他們在這方面都挺好，舉止有度，言辭有據，善交際，會辦事，在瀋陽都混得不錯。咱們在一起吃吃飯，嘮嘮嗑，玩一玩，六、七次之後，你就行了。你在瀋陽，就混開了，會辦事，能辦事了。”

我聽得很高興，沒說話。

Teacher Zhu said: "After you come back, I will introduce you to a few more of our friends. They are all good in this respect, well-mannered, well-spoken, sociable, and capable of doing affairs. They are doing well in Shenyang. Let's eat together, chat, and play together. After six or seven times, you will be able to do it. You will be able to do things in Shenyang."

I was very happy to hear this and didn't say anything.

祝老師又說：“劉健君的口才不錯，說話層理清晰，有理有據。你在這方面的素質也挺好，看問題有角度，觀點獨道，有內涵。這我早就發現了。你和她說話吃虧在不了解對方。我們了解她，把她喜歡問的問題，希望聽到的話寫下來，得有幾頁紙。你分析清楚了，再背下來。你倆在一起的時候，她問，你就照着我們給你準備的說，她就遇見高人了。”

Teacher Zhu added, "Eve Liu is a good speaker, and her words are clear and well-reasoned. You are also very good in this respect, you have a perspective on the problem, and your views are unique and meaningful. I have discovered this a long time ago. The reason you are at a disadvantage when talking to her is that you don't understand her. We understand her, and we have written down the questions she likes to ask and the words she hopes to hear, which will take up several pages. Analyze it clearly and then memorize it. When the two of you are together, if she asks, you can say what we have prepared for you, then she will have met a master."

祝老師又說：“同時，咱們再把你裝飾一下，讓你在我的雜誌上發表幾篇論文。你得把那幾篇論文弄懂，你們談論起來的時候，你不能不明白。”

我問：“這劉健君不明白？”

祝老師說：“她一直都是學醫的，上哪兒懂咱們工科的東西。隔行如隔山，她能聽懂我們工科的論文，那還了得！”

Teacher Zhu added, "At the same time, we will decorate you and let you publish a few papers in my magazine. You must understand those papers. When you discuss them, you must understand them."

I asked, "Does Eve Liu not understand?"

Teacher Zhu said, "She has always studied medicine, how can she understand our engineering stuff? Different fields are like different worlds, how can she understand our engineering papers!"

8.3-3 再見面的安排 Arrangements for the next meeting

祝老師說：“等咱們把這些都準備好了，老頭子就裝病，把劉健君從美國招回來。她回來那天，咱們都到機場去接她。我看準時機，推你走過去。” 他說着，就又給我表演他那套舉止（注，展現出 “三千威儀八萬四千細行”），說：“就這個，劉健君特別喜歡，她就想看她的男朋友這樣，可她沒處看去。你一走，她一看，就暈了（注，就如同在7.3節，她用她的 “五百威儀十萬八千魅力”把我弄暈了）。你這麼想，她從美國回來，見到親戚朋友，當然高興，又有時差。”

Teacher Zhu said: "When we have prepared all these, the old man will pretend to be sick and recruit Eve Liu back from the United States. On the day she comes back, we will all go to the airport to pick her up. I will wait for the right moment and push you over." As he said this, he performed his behavior for me again (Note: showing "3,000 majesties and 84,000 enchantments"), saying: "This is it, Eve Liu likes it very much, she just wants to see her boyfriend like this, but she has nowhere to see. When you behave in this way, she will see it and faint (Note, just like in Section 7.3, she stunned me with her "500 majesties and 108,000 charms"). Think about it this way, she came back from the United States and saw her relatives and friends, of course she is happy, and there is jet lag."

祝老師又說：“從機場回家的路上，你就和她坐在一起。她問你什麼，你就照着我們給你寫的回答。那話兒，劉健君她就總想聽，連做夢都想聽，可她沒處聽去。你一說，她一聽，就飄起來了。她迷離迷糊地就只剩樂啦。隨後，她就在天上呆着吧！下來，我們也再把她捧上去！”

Teacher Zhu added, "On the way home from the airport, you sit with her. Whatever she asks you, you answer according to the answers we wrote for you. Eve Liu always wants to hear those words, even in her dreams, but she has nowhere to listen. As soon as you say them, she will float up. She is dazed and confused and only has joy. After that, she will stay in the sky! Come down, and we will flatter her up again!"

祝老師說：“到家後，親戚朋友們都來看你們倆。人家跟咱不一樣，交際廣，朋友多。人家來看她了，她得陪着呀！人們都誇你們倆般配，你長得好看。我們都會誇人。到時候，左右的鄰居，我們都告訴嘍，人家父母和妹妹都研究好了，就選盧岩當女婿了，都要順着說。那誰還能說個不般配，不好。劉建軍的同學和朋友，我們也讓她妹妹都告訴嘍：我們家已經研究決定了，讓他們倆趕快結婚；那她的同學朋友還能說啥。”

Teacher Zhu said, "After getting home, all relatives and friends will come to see you two. Her family is different from us, her parents are very sociable and have many friends. When they come to see her, she must accompany them! People all praise you two for being a good match and you are beautiful. We all are capable to praise others. By then, we will tell all the neighbors on all sides that her parents and sister have already decided to choose Luyan as their son-in-law. Who can say that you two are not a good match!? We also let her sister tell Eve Liu's classmates and friends: our family has already decided to let them get married quickly; what can her classmates and friends say!?"

祝老師說：“就連你們倆晚上出去溜達，我們都安排路過的人回頭看，說：這倆人真是天生的一對兒！”

我說：“我聽着，感覺像是法師作法！”

祝老師說：“什麼法師作法！管用才是真的！就比如你和她在那兒說話，我們發現你說話走樣了。我們就製造個藉口把你叫出來，教你怎麼說。不行咱再排練。練好了，你再去跟她嘮，她都發現不了。那時候，你也想辦法折騰她，就不讓她睡覺。咱們這麼一作，劉健君的時差至少要倒五六天。五六天之後，她對你的第一印象形成了。劉健君對你有這麼個第一印象，你在她面前，一輩子都是個大丈夫。這東西一但成型，就不變。這是因為你本來的素質就挺好。你看怎麼樣？”

Teacher Zhu said: "Even when you two go out for a walk at night, we arrange for passers-by to look back and say: These two are a perfect match!"

I said: "From what I hear, it feels like a juristic teacher making law (i.e., a magician performing a ritual)!"

Teacher Zhu said, "What kind of juristic teacher’s lawmaking (i.e., magician's magic) is this? It's only true if it works! For example, if you are talking to her and we find that you are not speaking in the right way, we will make up an excuse to call you out and teach you how to speak. If you can’t perform well, we will rehearse again. After you have practiced well, she won't notice when you talk to her again. At that time, you can also find ways to torment her and not let her sleep. If we do this, Eve Liu will have at least five or six days of jet lag. After five or six days, her first impression of you will be formed. She will have such a first impression of you that you will be a real man in front of her for the rest of your life. Once this thing is formed, it will not change. This is because your original quality is very good. What do you think?"

我說：“這不是騙人嗎！騙人不好！”

祝老師說：“怎麼是騙人呢！她爸爸媽媽和妹妹騙她幹什麼！我別人都不騙，更不會騙她；世界上的事就是這麼回事！你說騙人，也行！這是她爸爸的主意，別人誰敢騙她呀！全世界人就騙她一個，能不成嗎！你認為她是女神啊！連這她都能識破！這事兒，除非你告訴她，否則她一輩子不會知道，別人誰說這個！你覺得呢？”

I said, "Isn't this cheating? Cheating is not good!"

Teacher Zhu said, "How is it cheating? Why would her parents and sister cheat on her? I don't cheat on anyone else, let alone her. That's how affairs are in the world! You say it's cheating, okay! This is her father's idea, who else dares to cheat on her! She is the only one in the world who is cheated, how can it be wrong! You think she is a goddess!? She can even see through this! Unless you tell her, she will never know about this. Who else would say this!? What do you think?"

8.3-4 八百年出不來一個The Only Person for 800 Years

我支吾地回答：“事兒是好事兒，有騙人的成分不好。” 這時，我是背對着屋門坐着的，不知什麼時候，門口站着一個人在聽我們說話。他突然大叫：“這還不行！真是八百年出不來一個！” 我被驚嚇得蹦了起來，回頭看。站在門口的人大聲嚷嚷：“你連和平房產局都能混出來，擺弄咱這幫人，還不跟玩兒似的！” 我聽糊塗了，不懂他在說什麼！

祝老師憤怒地對他說：“你說啥呢！” 祝老師的室友示意那人離開。祝老師急沖沖地走到我背後，把門關上了。他走回床邊，問室友：“他是誰？”

I answered hesitantly: "It's a good thing, but it's not good to have deception." At this time, I was sitting with my back to the door. I don't know when a person stood at the door and listened to us. He suddenly shouted: "This is not good! You are truly ‘the only person for 800 Years’!" I jumped up in shock and looked back. The person standing at the door shouted: "You can even fool out (i.e., stand out) the Heping Housekeeping Bureau, messing with us, it is just like a game!" I was confused and didn't understand what he was saying!

Teacher Zhu angrily said to him, "What are you talking about!" Teacher Zhu's roommate motioned for the man to leave. Teacher Zhu hurriedly walked behind me and closed the door. He walked back to the bed and asked his roommate, "Who is he?"

室友領會了，回答：“啊！他是鞍山鋼鐵公司來的。” 祝老師說：“你告訴他，以後別到我們屋來！” 說完，他躺到了床上，叨咕：“他還來能耐了！你以為和平房產局的人是好惹的吶！你不動手，人家也不動手；你一動手，看人家不整死你！”

室友說：“完了，全完了！說啥也沒用了！盧岩明白了!”

突然，祝老師從床上站了起來，大步繞過我，走到門口把屋門打開了，說：“盧岩不明白！”

室友說：“這，他怎麼可能還不明白呢！”

祝老師說：“盧岩不是這個世界上的人！”

The roommate understood and replied, "Ah! He is from Anshan Iron and Steel Company." Teacher Zhu said, "Tell him not to come to our room again!" After that, he lay down on the bed and muttered, "He is still capable! Do you think the people from the Heping Housekeeping Bureau are easy to mess with? If you don't make a move, they won't make a move either. If you make a move, they will beat you to death first!"

My roommate said, "It's over, it's all over! It's useless to say anything! Luyan understands!"

Suddenly, Teacher Zhu stood up from the bed, strode around me, walked to the door, opened it, and said, "Luyan doesn't understand!"

The roommate said, “This, how can he not understand yet!”

Teacher Zhu said, “Luyan is not of this world!”

室友說：“你瘋啦！他不是這個世界上的人，那他是哪個世界裡的人？”

我說：“我也感覺挺害怕的！”

祝老師對室友說：“他是幻想世界裡的人！”

室友叨咕：“幻想世界裡的人！” 想了一會兒說：“我明白了，你是說他和劉健君都是幻想世界裡的人。就這幻想世界裡的人在一起有話兒說。嘮嘮的，倆人就幻想到一塊兒去了。”

The roommate said, “You're crazy! He's not of this world, so what world is he from?”

I said, “I feel pretty scared too!”

Teacher Wong says to his roommate, “He's from a fantasy world!”

The roommate chattered, “Someone from the fantasy world!” After thinking for a while, he said, “I see, you mean he and Eve Liu are both people in the fantasy world. People in this fantasy world have something to say together. Chattering and chattering, the two of them fantasize together.”

祝老師說：“對！”

室友說：“啊！盧岩是個理想主義的人，他只在意劉健君，從來就沒在乎咱們。我說你怎麼那麼喜歡他；你怎麼發現他和咱們不一樣的？”

祝老師說：“我都觀察他一年多了。咱們還在一樓那時候，我就看出來了，他就是個學生，一直和那些學生一起玩。” 他對我說：“咱們繼續說咱們的。”

Teacher Zhu said: "Yes!"

The roommate said: "Ah! Luyan is an idealist. He only cares about Eve Liu and never cares about us. I wonder why you like him so much; how did you find that he is different from us?"

Teacher Zhu said: "I have been observing him for more than a year. When we were still on the first floor, I could see that he was just a student, always playing with those students." He said to me: "Let's continue our conversation.”

8.3-5 兩周后結婚 Marriage in Two Weeks

祝老師接着說：“就這樣，你和劉健君相處兩周以後，老頭子就說話了，‘看你們倆那樣兒，讓鄰居看了笑話，趕緊結婚吧！’她知道啥？還不是問這個問那個；她問誰，誰都說結婚是正確的選擇。你們倆就結婚了。”

祝老師說：“你畢業後，就到我們學校去吧！我培養你當校長，師級幹部（將軍級別）。現在就定下來！我之後是XXX，他之後是YYY，之後是ZZZ。”

室友說：“ZZZ，那個大個子，怎麼會是他？”

Teacher Zhu continued, "So, after you and Eve Liu had been together for two weeks, the old man would say, 'You two are making laugh of the neighbors, so get married!' What did she know? She kept asking this and that. Whoever she asked said that getting married was the right choice. So, you two got married."

Teacher Zhu said, “After you graduate, come to our school! I'll train you to be a principal, a division cadre (general rank). It's settled now! After me it's XXX, after him it's YYY, and after him it's ZZZ.”

The roommate said: "ZZZ, that big guy, how could it be him?"

祝老師說：“他是組織部長，有幾個人，挺會辦事。咱們來東大的事都是他辦的。這他們都同意了。盧岩！現在咱就定下來，ZZZ之後就是你。”

我說：“你還有那權力？我哪有能力當校長！”

室友豪橫地說：“校長說了不算誰說了算！”

祝老師看了他一眼，對我說：“這事兒你得這麼看！我們逐個安排你幾個關鍵職位，話你一句一句地學，事兒你一件一件地辦。我們再幫你立個功。她爸爸可不是一般人，你別看退休了，還有面子。一說老校長的女婿，都給面子。你本身就不差啥，還是研究生畢業，十幾年後當校長，就是功到自然成。”

Teacher Zhu said, “He's the Minister of Organization, has a few people who are quite good at doing things. He did all the work for us to come to Northeastern University. This, they all agreed to. Luyan! Let's settle it now, after ZZZ it's you.”

I said, “You still have that power? How am I capable of being the principal!”

The roommate said arrogantly, "If the principal doesn't have the final say, who has the final say?"

Teacher Zhu glanced at him and said to me, "You have to look at this this way! We will assign you several key positions one by one, you will learn one by one and do one by one. We will help you to get an award. Her father is not an ordinary person. Even though he is retired, he still has face. When people hear the son-in-law of the old principal, everyone gives him face. You are not bad at all. You graduated from graduate school. It will be natural for you to become the principal after more than ten years."

我費力地想着，認為是那麼回事兒。

祝老師說：“人都有多大出息呀！四十來歲到師級，就行啦！你和劉健君結婚以後，新婚哪有不好的！都高興！一年以後，孩子一哭，飯鍋糊了！夢就醒啦！啥磕磣好看的，還不都是過日子！你看怎麼樣？”

我回答：“騙人不好。”

祝老師說：“這事不着急，你回去考慮幾天再給我答覆。”

I thought hard and thought that was the case.

Teacher Zhu said: "How much can a person achieve! It's enough to reach the division cadre in your forties! After you and Eve Liu get married, there will be nothing wrong with your newlywed life! You will be happy! A year later, the child will cry, the rice pot burns! The dream will be awakened! What's the matter with the ugly or beautiful appearances? It's all about living! What do you think?"

I replied: "It's not good to cheat."

Teacher Zhu said: "There's no rush for this matter. Go back and think about it for a few days, then give me an answer."

8.3-6 室友的反應 Roommate’s Reaction

我回到寢室，室友，那個來自國務院的警察，問我在祝老師的屋子裡嘮的什麼，嘮得那麼歡？

我跟他說了，然後說：“他們全家幫我騙自己的閨女，我有那麼傻嗎！？到頭來，我自己弄個啞巴吃黃連，有苦說不出。”

室友大笑，問：“那個劉健君有什麼毛病嗎？”

我回答：“我沒發現她有毛病。”

他說：“還有這事兒！我都沒聽着，不過我覺得他們那個培訓挺好，挺有用。那是什麼地方？我得去問問，我願意自費去培訓。說着，他找祝老師去了。”

I returned to my room, and my roommate, the policeman from State Council, asked me what I was talking about in Teacher Zhu’s room. Why was I so happy?

I told him, and then said, “Their whole family helped me to deceive their own daughter. Am I that stupid!? In the end, I was left myself with dumb eating goldthread, bitter can’t be spit out.”

My roommate laughed out loud and asked, “What's wrong with that Eve Liu?”

I replied, “I don't find anything wrong with her.”

He said, “And there's this thing! I didn't even hear about it, but I thought that training they had was pretty good and useful. What's that place? I'll have to ask, I'm willing to pay for the training myself. With that, he went to find Mr. Huang.”

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