导言：本博主借助于AI，推出一系列中英对照的中式【脱口秀】帖子，旨在通过新颖有趣的方式，激发年轻一代华人对时政的关注与思考。每段【脱口秀】后都附有原文，方便ABC对照阅读。
英美主流媒体提供了丰富的优质时政内容，既有时效性，又有深度。为了让更多年轻华人参与到政治讨论中，我们可以尝试多种方式，各显神通。如果你对这些内容产生共鸣，欢迎转发支持！

嘿，川普这家伙最近跟俄罗斯眉来眼去的，忙着给普京递橄榄枝，搞得习近平坐不住了，赶紧视频连线普京，俩人一顿煽情表白：“咱俩才是真朋友，患难与共的那种！”这话听着跟电视剧里拜把子似的，分明是冲着川普喊的：你小子别想挑拨离间，老子跟普京铁得跟裤腰带似的！

这通电话赶在俄罗斯搞乌克兰三周年纪念上，够巧。中国这几年没少给俄罗斯撑腰，普京那边被西方封得喘不过气，北京这边油也买了，技术也送了，硬是帮老大哥把战争机器转得呼呼响。早几年，习近平跟普京还拍着胸脯说咱俩关系“没边儿”，这话现在听着，跟传销头子忽悠下线似的。不过人家说到做到，石油一车车拉，技术一套套给，愣是没让俄罗斯的坦克趴窝。

这俩人凑一块儿，没别的，就是看西方不顺眼。习近平跟普京老早就把美国当眼中钉，觉得华盛顿老大挡了他们的道，非得把世界秩序掰扯掰扯，把美国摁下去才舒坦。习近平在镜头前说得特煽情：“历史和现实都告诉咱，中俄是搬不走的邻居，铁杆儿兄弟，谁也拆不散！”这话听着像在跟普京表白，顺便还踩了川普一脚：“甭管你丫怎么折腾，咱俩关系硬着呢，不带搭理第三方的。”

克里姆林宫那边也挺配合，通话后赶紧发声明：“我和习哥聊得热火朝天，川普想拆我们？门儿都没有！”还吹了一波，说啥“俄中关系是世界和平的压舱石”，听着跟卖保健品的似的，保准治百病，外界谁也别想插一杠子。

这一个月，习近平跟普京跟热恋期似的，电话打个没完。上回川普刚跟普京聊完，话里话外帮着俄罗斯说话，乌克兰的事儿直接甩锅给泽连斯基，说人家是“独裁者”，还把基辅晾在一边，搞得美国那套对俄战略跟翻烧饼似的，彻底翻了个面。这下可好，川普站队普京站得那么明显，外头都猜他是不是想拿俄罗斯当刀，劈开中俄这对老铁。

去年10月，习近平跟普京在俄罗斯喀山那什么金砖峰会上还搂着肩膀聊过天，俩人那架势，跟街头混混称兄道弟没啥区别。川普这边倒好，眼瞅着乌克兰的事儿偏普京偏得离谱，华盛顿那帮人估计头都大了。他手底下那群新官儿还琢磨着从欧洲撤兵，把家伙什儿都调去防中国，欧洲那点兵原来是防俄罗斯的，现在倒好，防不下了，干脆留给中国吓唬人得了。啧啧，这算盘打的，跟王府井卖假货的摊贩有一拼！

Hey, Trump’s been winking at Russia lately, tossing olive branches at Putin like some desperate matchmaker, and Xi Jinping couldn’t sit still. He jumps on a video call with Putin, and the two of them start crooning like they’re swearing brotherhood in a soap opera: “We’re true pals, through thick and thin!” It’s loud enough to make sure Trump hears it: “You little punk, don’t even think about driving a wedge between me and Putin—we’re tighter than a belt buckle!”

This call conveniently lands on the third anniversary of Russia’s little adventure in Ukraine. For three years, China’s been playing wingman, propping Putin up while the West tries to choke him out with sanctions and battlefield messes. Oil’s been flowing, tech’s been shipped—Beijing’s kept Russia’s war machine purring like a well-fed cat. A while back, Xi and Putin thumped their chests and declared their partnership “limitless,” sounding like pyramid scheme bosses hyping up the new recruits. And they’ve walked the talk—oil trucks rolling, tech kits flying, making sure Russia’s tanks don’t sputter out.

These two lovebirds have one thing in common: they can’t stand the West. Xi and Putin have had America in their crosshairs forever, griping that Uncle Sam’s hogging the spotlight and blocking their big dreams. They want to flip the world order upside down just to shove Washington off its perch. Xi gets all misty-eyed on camera: “History and reality prove it—China and Russia are neighbors you can’t budge, real bros who stick together no matter what!” It’s like a love letter to Putin, with a sneaky kick at Trump: “No matter how you squirm, our bond’s rock-solid, and we ain’t paying attention to any third wheel.”

The Kremlin’s quick to play along, dropping a statement after the call: “Me and Xi talked up a storm—Trump splitting us? Fat chance!” They even puffed up their chests, claiming “Russia-China ties are the anchor of world peace,” sounding like they’re hawking some miracle cure. No outside meddling allowed, they say—take that, whoever’s listening.

This past month, Xi and Putin have been chatting like they’re in the honeymoon phase, phones practically glued to their ears. Just a couple weeks back, Trump had his own cozy call with Putin, practically cheerleading for Russia on the Ukraine mess—blaming it all on Zelensky, calling him a “dictator,” and sidelining Kyiv from any peace talks. Flipped America’s Russia strategy like a pancake. With Trump so blatantly Team Putin, folks are whispering that Washington’s trying to use Russia as a crowbar to pry China and Russia apart.

Last October, Xi and Putin were practically arm-in-arm at that so-called BRICS summit in Kazan, Russia, looking like street punks calling each other “bro.” Meanwhile, Trump’s leaning so hard into Putin on the war that Washington’s got to be sweating bullets. Some of his soon-to-be cronies are even floating the idea of pulling troops out of Europe to focus on “defending” against China. Those European bases were supposed to keep Russia in check—now they’re like, “Eh, let’s just leave ‘em to scare Beijing instead.” Talk about a plan as slick as a fake Rolex peddler on Wangfujing Street!