導言：本博主藉助於AI，推出一系列中英對照的中式【脫口秀】帖子，旨在通過新穎有趣的方式，激發年輕一代華人對時政的關注與思考。每段【脫口秀】後都附有原文，方便ABC對照閱讀。
英美主流媒體提供了豐富的優質時政內容，既有時效性，又有深度。為了讓更多年輕華人參與到政治討論中，我們可以嘗試多種方式，各顯神通。如果你對這些內容產生共鳴，歡迎轉發支持！

嘿，川普這傢伙最近跟俄羅斯眉來眼去的，忙着給普京遞橄欖枝，搞得習近平坐不住了，趕緊視頻連線普京，倆人一頓煽情表白：“咱倆才是真朋友，患難與共的那種！”這話聽着跟電視劇里拜把子似的，分明是衝着川普喊的：你小子別想挑撥離間，老子跟普京鐵得跟褲腰帶似的！

這通電話趕在俄羅斯搞烏克蘭三周年紀念上，夠巧。中國這幾年沒少給俄羅斯撐腰，普京那邊被西方封得喘不過氣，北京這邊油也買了，技術也送了，硬是幫老大哥把戰爭機器轉得呼呼響。早幾年，習近平跟普京還拍着胸脯說咱倆關係“沒邊兒”，這話現在聽着，跟傳銷頭子忽悠下線似的。不過人家說到做到，石油一車車拉，技術一套套給，愣是沒讓俄羅斯的坦克趴窩。

這倆人湊一塊兒，沒別的，就是看西方不順眼。習近平跟普京老早就把美國當眼中釘，覺得華盛頓老大擋了他們的道，非得把世界秩序掰扯掰扯，把美國摁下去才舒坦。習近平在鏡頭前說得特煽情：“歷史和現實都告訴咱，中俄是搬不走的鄰居，鐵杆兒兄弟，誰也拆不散！”這話聽着像在跟普京表白，順便還踩了川普一腳：“甭管你丫怎麼折騰，咱倆關係硬着呢，不帶搭理第三方的。”

克里姆林宮那邊也挺配合，通話後趕緊發聲明：“我和習哥聊得熱火朝天，川普想拆我們？門兒都沒有！”還吹了一波，說啥“俄中關係是世界和平的壓艙石”，聽着跟賣保健品的似的，保准治百病，外界誰也別想插一槓子。

這一個月，習近平跟普京跟熱戀期似的，電話打個沒完。上回川普剛跟普京聊完，話里話外幫着俄羅斯說話，烏克蘭的事兒直接甩鍋給澤連斯基，說人家是“獨裁者”，還把基輔晾在一邊，搞得美國那套對俄戰略跟翻燒餅似的，徹底翻了個面。這下可好，川普站隊普京站得那麼明顯，外頭都猜他是不是想拿俄羅斯當刀，劈開中俄這對老鐵。

去年10月，習近平跟普京在俄羅斯喀山那什麼金磚峰會上還摟着肩膀聊過天，倆人那架勢，跟街頭混混稱兄道弟沒啥區別。川普這邊倒好，眼瞅着烏克蘭的事兒偏普京偏得離譜，華盛頓那幫人估計頭都大了。他手底下那群新官兒還琢磨着從歐洲撤兵，把傢伙什兒都調去防中國，歐洲那點兵原來是防俄羅斯的，現在倒好，防不下了，乾脆留給中國嚇唬人得了。嘖嘖，這算盤打的，跟王府井賣假貨的攤販有一拼！

Hey, Trump’s been winking at Russia lately, tossing olive branches at Putin like some desperate matchmaker, and Xi Jinping couldn’t sit still. He jumps on a video call with Putin, and the two of them start crooning like they’re swearing brotherhood in a soap opera: “We’re true pals, through thick and thin!” It’s loud enough to make sure Trump hears it: “You little punk, don’t even think about driving a wedge between me and Putin—we’re tighter than a belt buckle!”

This call conveniently lands on the third anniversary of Russia’s little adventure in Ukraine. For three years, China’s been playing wingman, propping Putin up while the West tries to choke him out with sanctions and battlefield messes. Oil’s been flowing, tech’s been shipped—Beijing’s kept Russia’s war machine purring like a well-fed cat. A while back, Xi and Putin thumped their chests and declared their partnership “limitless,” sounding like pyramid scheme bosses hyping up the new recruits. And they’ve walked the talk—oil trucks rolling, tech kits flying, making sure Russia’s tanks don’t sputter out.

These two lovebirds have one thing in common: they can’t stand the West. Xi and Putin have had America in their crosshairs forever, griping that Uncle Sam’s hogging the spotlight and blocking their big dreams. They want to flip the world order upside down just to shove Washington off its perch. Xi gets all misty-eyed on camera: “History and reality prove it—China and Russia are neighbors you can’t budge, real bros who stick together no matter what!” It’s like a love letter to Putin, with a sneaky kick at Trump: “No matter how you squirm, our bond’s rock-solid, and we ain’t paying attention to any third wheel.”

The Kremlin’s quick to play along, dropping a statement after the call: “Me and Xi talked up a storm—Trump splitting us? Fat chance!” They even puffed up their chests, claiming “Russia-China ties are the anchor of world peace,” sounding like they’re hawking some miracle cure. No outside meddling allowed, they say—take that, whoever’s listening.

This past month, Xi and Putin have been chatting like they’re in the honeymoon phase, phones practically glued to their ears. Just a couple weeks back, Trump had his own cozy call with Putin, practically cheerleading for Russia on the Ukraine mess—blaming it all on Zelensky, calling him a “dictator,” and sidelining Kyiv from any peace talks. Flipped America’s Russia strategy like a pancake. With Trump so blatantly Team Putin, folks are whispering that Washington’s trying to use Russia as a crowbar to pry China and Russia apart.

Last October, Xi and Putin were practically arm-in-arm at that so-called BRICS summit in Kazan, Russia, looking like street punks calling each other “bro.” Meanwhile, Trump’s leaning so hard into Putin on the war that Washington’s got to be sweating bullets. Some of his soon-to-be cronies are even floating the idea of pulling troops out of Europe to focus on “defending” against China. Those European bases were supposed to keep Russia in check—now they’re like, “Eh, let’s just leave ‘em to scare Beijing instead.” Talk about a plan as slick as a fake Rolex peddler on Wangfujing Street!