导言：本博主借助于AI，推出一系列中英对照的中式【脱口秀】帖子，旨在通过新颖有趣的方式，激发年轻一代华人对时政的关注与思考。每段【脱口秀】后都附有原文，方便ABC对照阅读。英美主流媒体提供了丰富的优质时政内容，既有时效性，如果你对这些内容有共鸣，欢迎转发支持！

普京冷嘲热讽，马克龙淡定回怼

最近，法国总统马克龙放了个大招，说要把法国的核武保护伞撑开，罩住整个欧洲盟友。这话一出，俄罗斯大帝普京坐不住了，6号阴阳怪气地甩出一句：“有些人怕是忘了拿破仑当年是怎么收拾行李滚出俄罗斯的。”言下之意，马克龙你小子别玩火，小心重蹈覆辙。结果马克龙不愧是高情商大师，淡定回击：“老兄，你搞错了吧，现在端着枪四处捅人的是俄罗斯，不是我法国。”

说起拿破仑那档子事，历史书上写得明明白白。1812年，这位法兰西小个子皇帝雄心勃勃，带着60万大军浩浩荡荡杀进俄罗斯，想给沙皇亚历山大一世点颜色瞧瞧。结果呢？俄罗斯人压根不跟你正面刚，烧田烧粮烧房子，搞得拿破仑的部队跟进了冰天雪地的鬼门关。半年后，他灰头土脸撤退，50万人死的死伤的伤，最后只剩几万残兵，连莫斯科的烧焦味都没能带走。普京这回提起拿破仑，显然是想给马克龙上堂历史课，顺便秀一把俄罗斯的“民族特性”——你来我家闹，我不打死你，也冻死你。

马克龙这边也不含糊。5号他在法国发表全国讲话，回应德国的呼声，说法国愿意聊聊核保护伞的事儿，把欧洲兄弟们都拉进自家院子。这话听着挺暖心，可到了普京耳朵里，那就是赤裸裸的挑衅。6号，他在接见战死士兵家属时，摆出一副“历史在我这边”的架势，冷嘲热讽：“有些人还活在拿破仑的梦里，可惜忘了结局是什么。俄罗斯人民和文化的韧性，是所有敌人都算不准的账。”这话说得慷慨激昂，跟战狼导演拍片似的，但细想想，拿破仑当年输在天气和后勤，普京你现在是输在哪儿了？

俄罗斯外长拉夫罗夫赶紧跟上老板的节奏，放话马克龙的核威慑言论是“威胁”，还顺带警告：就算俄乌停战，欧洲也别想派维和部队来乌克兰插一脚。言下之意，你们这些欧洲佬少来我家门口晃悠。

马克龙当然不是省油的灯。6号在布鲁塞尔欧盟特别峰会后的记者会上，他直接开怼：“普京犯了个天大的历史错误。当年是拿破仑主动入侵，可现在欧洲唯一搞帝国扩张的，不是我，是你俄罗斯。”这话甩得干脆利落，还带点法国人特有的优雅讥讽。他接着补刀：“我太了解普京了。他这么跳脚，正说明我说中了真相——他撕毁了自己签过的协议。”马克龙指的是2014年的“明斯克协议”，那会儿普京跟法德乌领导人签字画押，保证乌克兰和平，结果没几年就翻脸不认账。马克龙警告说，如果乌克兰现在仓促签什么和平协议，俄罗斯迟早还是会卷土重来，把欧洲当提款机。

最后，马克龙还抖了个包袱：“我们把他的小九九抖出来，普京可能气得牙痒痒。”这话听着像在逗小孩，可谁都知道，这两位大佬斗的是嘴炮，背后斗的是真刀真枪。

历史这东西，真是面照妖镜。拿破仑当年觉得自己能吞下俄罗斯，结果被冻成冰棍；普京如今觉得自己能一口吃下乌克兰，却忘了欧洲不是当年的欧洲，马克龙也不是吃素的。这场戏，怕是还有得唱。

www.creaders.net | 2025-03-08

Putin Sneers at Macron’s Napoleon Fantasy, Macron Coolly Retorts: You’re the Real Invader

French President Macron recently dropped a bombshell, suggesting France could extend its nuclear umbrella to shield other European nations. That lit a fuse under Russian Emperor Putin, who on the 6th quipped with a smirk: “Some folks seem to have forgotten how Napoleon’s little trip to Russia ended.” The subtext? Watch it, Macron, or you’ll crash and burn like that Corsican dwarf. But Macron, ever the smooth operator, fired back: “Buddy, you’ve got it twisted—right now, the one barging in with guns blazing is Russia, not France.”

Let’s flip open the history book for a sec. Back in 1812, Napoleon, the pint-sized French emperor with oversized dreams, marched 600,000 troops into Russia, itching to teach Tsar Alexander I a lesson. What happened? The Russians didn’t even bother fighting fair—they torched their fields, burned their grain, and razed their own homes, turning the place into a frozen hellhole. Six months later, Napoleon limped out, tail between his legs, with 50,000 survivors staggering behind him—half a million dead or wounded, not even a whiff of Moscow’s ashes to take home. Putin dredging up Napoleon now is clearly a history flex, a not-so-subtle brag about Russia’s “national character”—you step into my yard, I won’t just beat you, I’ll bury you in snow.

Macron, though, isn’t here to play student. On the 5th, in a national address, he responded to Germany’s nudge by saying France was open to talks about stretching its nuclear umbrella over European allies. Sounds cozy, right? But to Putin, it’s a middle finger wrapped in velvet. On the 6th, while meeting families of fallen soldiers, he didn’t name names but sneered: “Some people are still dreaming of Napoleon’s glory days, forgetting how that story ends. The mistake all our enemies make is underestimating the grit of the Russian people and the soul of Russian culture.” It’s the kind of chest-thumping line you’d hear in a war flick, but let’s be real—Napoleon lost to frostbite and bad logistics. What’s your excuse, Vlad?

Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov jumped in to back his boss, calling Macron’s nuclear chatter a “threat” and doubling down: even if Russia and Ukraine strike a ceasefire, Europe can forget about sending peacekeepers to Ukraine. Translation: stay out of my sandbox, you Euro meddlers.

Macron, never one to back down, hit back on the 6th at a presser after the EU special summit in Brussels. “He [Putin] made a colossal historical blunder,” he said. “Back then, it was Napoleon launching an invasion. But the only imperial bully I see in Europe today is Russia.” Sharp, clean, with that French knack for classy shade. He twisted the knife: “I know Putin too well. He’s freaking out because he knows I’m right—he’s broken the deals he signed.” Macron’s talking about the 2014 Minsk Agreement, where Putin shook hands with France, Germany, and Ukraine promising peace, only to rip it up years later. He warned that if Ukraine signs a hasty peace deal now, Russia will just come back swinging at Europe like it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Then Macron dropped a zinger: “We’ve called out his little game, and Putin’s probably fuming.” It’s the kind of line that sounds like he’s teasing a toddler, but make no mistake—this is a high-stakes slugfest dressed up as a war of words.

History’s a brutal mirror. Napoleon thought he could gobble up Russia and got served an ice-cold disaster. Putin figured he could swallow Ukraine whole, forgetting Europe isn’t the pushover it was two centuries ago, and Macron’s no vegan pacifist. This drama’s got legs—stay tuned.