开始新的工作已经两周,虽然是在同一家公司,还是IT,但毕竟是在一个以前没有工作过的部门,感觉很多事情要学,也很新鲜。本文愿意跟大家分享一下新部门的最大不同之处。
欢迎我来新部门上班的是一个很特别的email,在我应该开始新工作的前两天,收到了一个DRB送的email。Email是这样开始的,“百草,你好!欢迎你加入我们的部门!DRB(Donut Review Board – 甜点监督协会)发现你已经违反我们甜点条例的第6条,务请在一周内给大家带来甜点。DRB的敦促是没商量地,你可以认为这是最终警告。”
妈呀,人还没到,就让人给盯上了!email还发给全部门,啥意思?不就是大家监督你带甜点吗,还说什么第6条,俺给上供甜点还不行吗!
一上班就发现,几乎每天都收到这个DRB的email,今天张三违反了第1条、明天李四又触犯了第3条等等。嘛意思?难道真有什么条例规章吗?当俺收到第3个这样的email时,终于忍不住仔细看了一下email。哈,email里有一个link,言曰甜点条例。打开一看,让俺乐的不亦乐乎,呵呵,现在俺是明白美国的大胖子都是怎样吃出来的了。
附《甜点条例》全文如下(大家也可以看原文)。
甜圈,名词,一种油炸蛋糕,状似小圆环。闲话少说,这里,我们可以把这个词广义化。这里的甜圈我们可以理解为广义的甜点,比如蛋糕、饼干、巧克力糕、甜饼、鸡腿、冰激凌等不限。务请不要考虑你的腰条。当然,你也可以带蔬菜和水果,但请附加一些能发胖的食品,或者正常定义的甜点(比如胡萝卜蛋糕、草莓奶酪蛋糕、柠檬方糕,等等)。可以是自做或者是店里买的甜点,只要美味合口。
如果你有如下事件,那你就应该给大家提供甜点了。
1. 生日
2. 工作周年日
3. 怀孕—你要做父母了、做祖父母了、做太祖父母了、做姑姑、姨、伯母、舅舅、叔叔、伯父,总之是你的什么家人要添丁进口了
4. 新父母
5. 新祖父母、太祖父母、太太祖父母,以此类推
6. 部门的新人(俺是犯了这条哈)
7. 离开部门(除非你是被炒鱿鱼被人押出去的)
8. 你做了什么并影响了工作(已经被人察觉的那种)
9. 订婚
10. 结婚
11. 就因为你高兴,而且你知道你高兴
12. 卖了房子
13. 买了房子
14. 装修了房子
15. 给房子重新贷款
16. 搬到新公寓了
17. 搬到老人院了
18. 搬回父母家了
19. 父母搬到你家了
20. 孩子搬走了
21. 孩子又搬回来了
22. 入美国籍了
23. 坐上了公司的专机
24. 吹牛要坐公司的专机
25. 卖了车辆(包括汽车、船、卡车、度假车、三轮车、自行车、滑板、滑轮车、野营车等等)
26. 反之买了车辆
27. 跟车辆有关的意外,比如车祸、汽车罚单、卡车的挡板掉了等等
28. 受伤—无论是意外还是犯傻(你或者别人),给出例子,但请您比照采用,像
-洗衣服时搞断了手指头
-踢足球崴了脚
29. 新男朋友、新女朋友、新宠物
30. 升职称
31. 降职称
32. 得了公司季度奖
33. 得了学位(博士、硕士、学士)
34. 人事部门找你谈话,甭管啥原因
35. 你或者你的组做了掉价的事,不局限与下面的例子
-掉下楼梯
-把饮料或者食物洒在楼梯上
-被椅子绊倒
-美国特警去你家的院子了
36. 把饮料洒在椅子或者桌子上
37. 医疗检查,不局限于以下例子:肠透镜、刮掉纹身、鼻窦手术、急诊
38. 忘记带笔记本电脑上班
39. 忘了带手机上班或者回家
40. 你故意不带手机或者电脑上班或者回家
41. 算错夏令时或者冬令时
42. 开车撞了鹿、浣熊、负鼠、松鼠、鸽子、犀牛或者野人
43. 中午溜出去办私事丢了车钥匙,没法回来上班
44. 忘关车灯车没电了
45. 你的形象出现在公司的网、电视上了
46. 你上电视、杂志等公众媒体了
47. 你炫耀你的孩子上电视、杂志等公众媒体
48. 你给大家送了长而无用的email(这句不好翻译)
49. 你不小心把email送给了全部门,而这个email应该给一个小组
50. 你赢了钱,而且价值买甜点的一倍
51. 你无意中把机密email送给了公众(如果因为这个你丢了工作,你可以不带甜点)
52. 你改变了你的发型
53. 你没按时交你的出勤报告
54. 你投机取巧想用一次甜点,包罗你触犯多次甜点条例
55. 没啥原因,我们就是告诉你,应该带甜点了
*DRB的决定是最终决定,无人有权反对。
附英文全文:
Noun donut (dō-nŭt) - A small ring-shaped fried cake. However, at our company this definition has been expanded to include far more variety. Examples include (but are not limited to) donuts, cookies, cakes, brownies, kringle, chicken legs, ice cream, etc. A waist is a terrible thing to mind. Thus, Fruits and Vegetables are only acceptable as long as a less healthy option is also provided or if combined with more traditional treats (i.e. carrot cake, strawberry cheese cake, lemon bars, etc). Treats can be either homemade or store bought as long as they're tasty.
1. Birthday
2. Service Anniversary
3. Pregnancy announcement – you’re going to be a parent, grandparent, great-grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc.
4. New parent
5. New grandparent / great-grandparent / great-great-grandparent / etc.
6. New to the team
7. Leaving the team (unless you are fired and are walked to the door)
8. You’ve adversely effected production – and somebody noticed
9. Engagement
10.Marriage
11.Because you’re happy and you know it.
12.Sold house
13.Bought house
14.Remodeled house
15.Refinanced house
16.Moved to new apartment
17.Moved to nursing home
18.Moved back in with your parents
19.Parents moved in with you
20.Children move out
21.Children move back in
22.Gaining American citizenship
23.Riding on the corporate jet
24.Bragging about riding on the corporate jet
25.Sold vehicle (car, boat, truck, RV, cycle, bike, skateboard, scooter, camper)
26.New vehicle
27.Vehicular related incident – accident, ticket, fence falls off the truck, etc.
28.Injury – as a result of accident or stupidity (yours or others). Examples include, but are not limited to:
o Broke finger doing the laundry
o Sprained ankle playing soccer
29.New boyfriend, girlfriend, pet
30.Promotion
31.Demotion
32.You won AOQ
33.You receive an Educational Degree (Undergraduate, Masters, Doctoral)
34.Called down to HR for any reason
35.You’ve embarrassed yourself or the team – publicly or privately. Examples include, but are not limited to:
o Fell down the stairs
o Spilled your beverage or food on the stairs
o Tripped over chair
o The SWAT Team was in your yard
36.Spilled a drink at your desk or on your chair.
37.Medical procedure. Examples include, but are not limited to: Colonoscopy, tattoo removal, sinus surgery, any ER visit.
38.Forgot your Laptop at home
39.Forgot to bring Pager / Phone / Blackberry home or to work
40.You intentionally left your Pager / Phone / Blackberry at home or work
41.Calculated daylight savings incorrectly (i.e. Spring back, Fall forward)
42.Hit a deer, raccoon, opossum, squirrel, pigeon, bear, musk ox or sasquatch
43.Lost car keys while out running errand during lunch, getting in the way of timely return to office
44.Have a dead car battery because you left the lights on
45.Having your picture posted on the company’s intranet / extranet / internal tv
46.You appear on TV, in a Magazine or any other type of publication
47.Bragging about your kid(s) appearing on TV, in a Magazine or any other type of publication
48.You've subjected your coworkers to a long frivolous email thread. This is not necessarily the person who started the thread, but those who prolonged it.
49.You've accidentally sent an email intended for a small audience to IS-ALL
50.You won a prize with a value at least double the cost of donuts.
51.You inadvertantly forwarded confidential information when expressly told not to. If this results in your termination you are exempt from bringing in donuts.
52.You've dramatically changed your hair style
53.You failed to submit your weekly timesheet by the prescribed deadline
54.You’ve tried to combine multiple treat offenses into one treat.
55. Because you are told to.
*All decisions of the DRB (Donut Review Board) are final
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