还是逐句串读吧： The reeds and silver-grasses, dense and vast, made thy vision lost,
--- 这句把蒹+葭分译，用vision lost来描述苍苍，别致。 The late Fall dew vapor hath with the season turned into white frost.
--- 不从“露变霜”的物理瞬间下笔，而写较大的时间范围。好！这样理解的好处衬托了男主角思女之心切，有时间“过得真快呀”的含义在内。注意：has 用了古、雅、诗的形式hath，读来凭添古意。 The beloved one for whom I have always admired and longed,
--- 这句铺开，使全篇每句的音步多少和谐，可见译者用心之处。 Might be somewhere in the depth of “morass” beyond.
--- 是“沼泽”好，还是湖面好，这个纯属个人感觉。 To look for her if along that meandering water I go upstream,
---- 原诗这里也是叙述句，发挥余地本身较小 A journey lengthy and full of obstacles it would seem.
--- it would seem 在下文重叠，有“凑韵之嫌”哪，呵呵 To look for her if along the babbling water I go downstream,
--- babbling 用得好！有了声音，溪流也。可以想象远处有山丘 Right there in the center of water she is standing it would seem.
--- it would seem 烘托“宛”字。 The reeds and water-grasses are so luxuriant and still stay,
--- 以luxuriant之茂盛与still stay配伍，稍赘，因为通常既茂则立，若withering与still stay才有说道。 The white “frost” hath not vaporized even after it endured sun ray.
--- 这里的“未晞”者非“霜”也，“露”也。译作“霜被融化蒸发”显得“绕”了。 The beloved one I always hide in the bosom of my heart,
--- 原诗相同的句子，译文有合理变化，冲破单调，好！ Might be at the water’s edge, she is virtuous and smart.
--- 好！ To look for her if along that meandering water I go upstream, A journey very lengthy and ascending it would seem.
--- ascending 一字之变，可见译者心细！ To look for her if along the babbling water I go downstream, Right there on the little mound she is standing it would seem.
--- mound 形象。 The reeds and water-grasses are plentiful and profuse,
--- 俺一直弄不清 plentiful 和 profuse 的细微区别，一个具体一个抽象？ The white frost would not stop forming when it comes to its dues.
--- 嗯，不管原诗了，这句读着清新，好！ The beloved one whom I always miss,
--- I always miss 这一笔补充得体。 Might be at the water-margin and she is listening to water’s fizz.
--- 大赞译者的想象力！ To look for her if along the meandering water I go upstream, A journey very winding and full of obstacles it would seem. To look for her if along the babbling water I go downstream, Right there on the islet she is standing it would seem.
--- 最后也是在一个小岛上，跟俺期待的一致。盖古时人少地阔，多水，多洲中含岛者，无人至也。殆二人幽会之所乎？哈哈 译作全篇有这么几个特点： 1：全篇押韵，难得， 2：用些英文古字，如hath，thy之类，以顺应《诗经》原诗之古老韵味 3：在坚守“信达”的基础上，译作有“再创作”来追雅，俺反正读着丝毫不觉牵强，看来是成功的。 火风鼎兄好译再赞！ |
