乾隆这首诗是他那一堆烂诗里难得的一首好诗。可能是真动情了吧。可见诗贵真,真才能“言志”。介次不赏析乾隆汉语原作,专讨论一番英文译作。不得不说,译得也很好!非常迁就西方观念里的人情味,同时全篇押韵,读来上口。绝对英文高手。初读一次,发现有个把小瑕疵,应该是对汉语原文理解有问题。常出现这种现象:写英文的汉语不炉火纯青,旁边给他解释汉语原文的英文不炉火纯青,这点儿误差就容易产生小瑕疵。逐句看:
《大行皇后挽诗》 Elegy for the Deceased Empress: Eternal Lament for a Legacy of Goodness --- “大行”者,人刚死也。夸张地说“他要开始一个遥远的旅行”了。这是对死者的敬意,清代已经成了皇家专用词。显然,译文没把这个意思译出来,deceased 自然无贬义,但也没有“大行”的敬意。
恩情廿二载,内治十三年。 Twenty-two years of your loving kindness, Thirteen with you as empress by my side. --- 治理后宫的“治”没译出来,“as empress by my side”只是“内”,没有“治”。
忽作春风梦,偏于旅岸边。 Now our dream of spring time breeze has all at once, By a river-bank been cast aside. --- 汉语原文中,谁在作“春风梦”?乾隆。梦见谁?梦见皇后。美中不足的是,梦境却偏偏在“旅岸边”,谁要“离岸旅行”?是皇后。暗喻皇后的“大行”。译文虽然更柔情、更凄美,但非常跑偏。
圣慈深忆孝,宫壸尽钦贤。 The dowager remembers keenly your filial piety, --- dowager等于太后?太后应该是“empress dowager”,没有前面的empress,dowager只是个守寡的贵妇人。 the imperial consorts stand in awe of your integrity. --- 这句“awe of your integrity”好!俺说得是比乾隆那个“贤”字用得好。“贤”不足以赞颂一位皇后的全部美德。
忍诵关雎什,朱琴已断弦。 I cannot bear to recite a single line of “Ospreys Cry,” --- “什”等于“篇”,用“篇”出律。嗯?俺肿么又评起汉语原文了?哈哈 Now that the conjugal harp strings shattered lie. --- “conjugal harp”,嗯,难道有“夫妻竖琴”这类东东?俺真得好奇译者身边的中文翻译是肿么给他解释“朱琴已断弦”这句话的。你可以说“断弦”比喻的是妻子死了,但“夫妻琴”太夸张了。
夏日冬之夜,归于纵有期。 Our shared winter nights and summer days, Must now on some future date depend. --- “夏日冬之夜,归于纵有期”这两句是“抄袭”诗经的“冬之夜,夏之日。百岁之后,归于其室”,大意是:“没有了你的冬夜,寒冷孤寂;没有了你的夏日,炎热漫长;百年之后,我会来与你葬在一起。”“我会来与你葬在一起”就是“有期”之所指。上面的译文是否渲染出这层意思?请英文高手判断。
半生成永诀,一见定何时。 Half a lifetime becomes a parting of the ways, When might fate permit us meet again? --- 好!
袆服惊空设,兰帷此尚垂。 I’m shocked to see your clothes all meaninglessly spread, Or else the orchid curtains that hang here on the bed. --- 这两句译得好!
回思相对坐,忍泪惜娇儿。 I recall how you sat before me, all the while, Suppressing tears of grief for our darling child. --- 好!
愁喜惟予共,寒暄无刻忘。 To share my joy and sorrow there was ever only you, Not for a moment will I forget your solicitude. --- 好!
绝伦轶巾帼,遗泽感嫔嫱。 You surpassed all other women in unrivaled virtue, --- 好! Imperial consorts were transformed by your rectitude. --- 译得格外好!把抽象的“遗泽”具体的译出来,反而简洁。
一女悲何恃,双男痛早亡。 --- 忍不住又得评论乾隆的诗,介乾隆太喜欢说“车轱辘”话了,这句应该放到前面“回思相对坐,忍泪惜娇儿”那个地方。 I grieve that there is none on whom our daughter may depend, --- 这位译者太喜欢用depend了,前面已经出现了一次。他为了押韵,只好原谅他。哈哈。 I’m pained that both our boys have long since met their end. --- 介句译得好,简练达意。
不堪重忆旧,掷笔黯神伤。 I cannot bear reflect once more on former days, --- “忍”+前面的“不堪”都用bear。 My tortured soul is dark and I toss my brush away. --- 借用“my soul is dark”,好!估计洋鬼子们会非常懂。不常读英文诗歌的中国人也许会产生误解。
— The Qianlong Emperor, 1748
借酒兴闲侃一篇,俺介是典型的“英文二把刀乱砍英文”,哈哈。谬误之处请E文高手指正。
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