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約半年前我就開始嘗試自己翻譯這部小說. 由於種種原因中間停了好久. 這個周末帶孩子們去書店買書， 看到英文版《喜福宴》， 又想起來這事. 於是又試着接着翻.
前面只翻到第13章. 現在看來我自己並不滿意. 之所以不滿意原因之一是太過拘泥. 文句上, 文意上都是. 這回我想嘗試着進行英文重寫式翻譯. 就是儘量照顧原文. 但是也要充分考慮我的英文現狀: 短處和可能的長處. 有位讀者曾經留言說: 要大膽些. 是這樣的, 沒錯.
這樣我才能放開手腳. 才能顯示出一點英文特色來.
儘管水平相當有限. 權當作業, 權當任務, 權當交流.
底下就是昨天翻的第14章, 兩個孩子特別是大兒子都幫我做了點文法修正:
Luhua The China Girl (Luhua14) (注, 這只是暫名, 末了我會另起書名)
The story of her life and love that touches your heart
By MZY (QianQian)
Luhua14
When talking about the illness of Xiuyue, the one who suffered the most from it was Changhe. Xiuyue was a simple-minded pure young girl with her body seemed a little slim and fragile.
They grew up together and Changhe had been caring and protecting her like an elder brother would do; and he had been hoping that she would be as happy as a little bird.
The sudden change in health two years ago was a strike that Xiuyue could hardly bear, and so it was to Changhe. Yet he had to hold out and defend the smile of this home. He could not afford losing hope.
He had brought Xiuyue to many people who claimed to know medicine and treatments. Many herbs had been tried, even acupunctures. There was one time Xiuyue got needles-sick during acupuncture and they dared not trying further.
Xiuyue had two brothers and a sister. Her parents were very busy in the house and did not get to come and take care of her often. Occasionally they were able to bring a bag of rice or even a chicken or duck, that’s extremely helpful to Changhe.
It’s been two years and Changhe had got used to the housework. One day in the morning, he came toward the well with some clothes to wash. He dropped the clothes on a big stone beside the well, lifted a big bucket of water, poured it onto the clothes and started rubbing.
Suddenly he heard someone call him “Brother Changhe” from behind.
He turned around and it was Luhua.
“Luhua, you’re this early!”
“Yes.” Seeing that Changhe was washing clothes, Luhua said: “Brother Changhe, let me do it.”
“The water is pretty cold, don’t touch it.”
“That’s OK. You go along taking care your work and I will send it over to you when I am done.” Said Luhua.
“OK. Thank you then.” Changhe swung the water out of his hands and stood up.
“Brother Changhe, what happened to your hands?” Luhua noticed that there was a wound in red on the back of Changhe’s hand.
“Oh, this, I don’t even know where I got it.”
“Ai…” Luhua sighed softly. “My uncle may have some medicines to treat wounds. I will bring it for you later. I see that you would use a hammer now and use a knife the next. Be careful and keep away from touching water too much.” As she was talking, she started washing.
Changhe did not walk away. He stood right behind Luhua and looked at her thick shinning black hair rounded in a bun on her head.
Two birds flew over from nowhere and stayed on the tree chirping. A withered leaf dropped and settled on Luhua’s hair. Changhe hesitated a little bit before he stretched out his hand and took the leaf away.
Luhua realized that Changhe was still there. She turned around: “Why are you still here brother Changhe?”
“The bucket is quite big.” Explained Changhe. “And I am afraid that you cannot lift it.”
Luhua stood and tried to pull the rope. It was heavy. The well was frightening too. The opening was quite big yet there was no fence around it. If one lost his or her balance, he or she would surely fall into it.
“Brother Changhe, you got to be careful while coming here everyday. Why is there no fence?”
Changhe smiled. “I fell into it once when I was little and was rescued. I have got used to it. No problem.” He saw that Luhua had focused back on washing the clothes again. Somehow he found himself singing:
My dear sister
By the first glance at you, I believe
That you are the one
Whether it is karma or destiny
I want to be with you until
The moon has no more eclipse
And the stars are always there
I want to have the endless time
Swear to us …
This was the very first time Luhua listened to a man singing. She couldn’t help but stop and quietly turned her eyes to see Changhe singing while he seemed to be lost in his thoughts.
“You sing so well. What song is that?” She asked.
“Oh, this,” Changhe felt a little shy not knowing why this song suddenly flew out of his mouth.
“I heard this from my dad when I was little.”
“Your dad?”
“Yes. According to my dad we had come down here from the far north.”
They finished washing the clothes and headed towards Changhe’s house.
They heard the hen shouting as soon as they crossed the door.
“Hey, she has laid an egg!” Changhe was happy. He rewarded the hen with some chaff.
===============
Translated by the author from the Chinese version: The Story that Cannot Tell (Published) , Edited by KMY. (虔謙根據自己創作小說: <<不能講的故事>> 翻譯, KMY 編輯))
All Rights Reserved qianqianwxc@yahoo.com
附錄： 不能講的故事 14 章：
說起秀月的病，最難受的要數長河了。秀月是個單純的女孩，也比較纖弱些。長河從小和她青梅竹馬，一直象哥哥一樣疼愛她保護她，希望她快活得象只小鳥。
兩年前這一風雲突變，對秀月是難以承受的打擊，對長河更是。不過他得挺住，得保着這個家的笑，不能失去希望。
他帶着秀月看過不少懂醫術的人，藥試過不少，還試過扎針。有一次，秀月還暈針，後來就不敢再試。
秀月兄弟姐妹好幾個，秀月的父母忙着家裡，也不常有空來照看女兒。有時送過來一袋米啊糧的, 甚至是雞鴨什麼的，對長河都是很大的幫助。
兩年了, 長河已經習慣了許多家裡的活. 這天早上, 他手裡揣着幾件衣服, 來到了井邊. 他把衣服往井邊的石上一放, 提起一大桶水來, 往衣服上一灑, 蹲下來, 就開始搓起來.
突然聽到背後有人叫: “長河大哥!”
回頭一看, 是蘆花.
“蘆花, 今天這麼早?”
“嗯.” 蘆花看長河在洗衣服, 就說: “長河大哥, 我來洗吧.”
“水冷, 你別沾手了.” 長河說.
“不怕, 來, 你做事去吧, 洗好了我給送過去.”
“那好, 多謝你了!” 長河甩甩手裡的水, 站了起來.
“長河大哥, 你手咋的啦?” 蘆花注意到長河手背上有一道傷, 紅紅的.
“這個, 我都不知道在哪碰的.”
“唉,” 蘆花輕輕嘆了口氣, “我大伯那兒好象有治傷的藥水, 回頭帶來給你擦. 整天又是鐵錘又是刨刀的, 還是小心點, 少沾點兒水…” 說着她就低頭洗了起來.
長河沒走開, 就站在蘆花背後看着, 看着她盤在頭上一頭濃濃的烏黑的頭髮.
不知從哪兒飛來兩隻鳥, 停在樹上吱吱喳喳的叫. 一片枯葉掉了下來, 落在了蘆花頭上. 長河遲疑了一下, 就伸出手去把它揀開.
蘆花發覺了, 轉過身: “長河大哥咋還沒走呀, 趕緊回去吧, 我等會就過來.”
長河說: “那水桶大, 我怕你提不動.”
蘆花站起來試着去拉井繩, 可不, 是挺重的. 那井說起來嚇人, 大大的井口, 沒有井欄的. 一失去重心, 人可就下去了.
“長河大哥, 你天天來這裡提水, 可得當心點, 怎麼也沒個欄.”
長河笑了: “小時候, 掉進去過一回, 給人救上來了. 慢慢習慣了, 沒事.” 他看着蘆花專心洗衣服的樣子, 嘴裡不由得哼起了一首小調
阿妹呀
第一眼看到你
我就認定了你
不管是前世的因
不管是後世的緣
我要和你相守直到
月亮不再虧缺
星星不再逝去
我要讓滄海桑田
對着你我發誓
這是蘆花第一次聽到一個男人唱歌. 她停下手來聽着; 忍不住悄悄轉過頭, 看長河一邊哼着一邊看着遠處出神.
“長河大哥唱歌真好聽! 是啥歌呀?” 問.
“這個,” 長河有點不好意思起來, 好久了，不知自己怎麼突然就想起來唱. “是小時候聽我爹唱的, 就記住了.”
“你爹?”
“嗯, 聽他講我們是打老遠從北方下來的….”
:
衣服洗完了. 兩人離開井邊回了家.
剛進柴門, 就聽那母雞一聲聲的叫.
“嘿, 它下蛋了!” 長河高興的說, 趕緊就抓起一把糠來, 犒勞母雞.
不能講的故事 (長篇小說 一) 星光序幕
暗戀酷老闆的純情女孩心提 (4)
再見難, 難於上青天 (1) （結婚二部開篇）
暗戀酷老闆的純情女孩心提 (3)
海外體驗: 上帝也講“遠親不如近鄰,鄰惡糟過遠攻”
我那美國同屋的女兒
虔謙散文選: 撒向人間都是愛 1
不能講的故事 (小說59) 桂花心語 (三稿)
不能講的故事 60 阿牛夜宿-夫妻情份 (三稿)
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