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约半年前我就开始尝试自己翻译这部小说. 由于种种原因中间停了好久. 这个周末带孩子们去书店买书， 看到英文版《喜福宴》， 又想起来这事. 于是又试着接着翻.
前面只翻到第13章. 现在看来我自己并不满意. 之所以不满意原因之一是太过拘泥. 文句上, 文意上都是. 这回我想尝试着进行英文重写式翻译. 就是尽量照顾原文. 但是也要充分考虑我的英文现状: 短处和可能的长处. 有位读者曾经留言说: 要大胆些. 是这样的, 没错.
这样我才能放开手脚. 才能显示出一点英文特色来.
尽管水平相当有限. 权当作业, 权当任务, 权当交流.
底下就是昨天翻的第14章, 两个孩子特别是大儿子都帮我做了点文法修正:
Luhua The China Girl (Luhua14) (注, 这只是暂名, 末了我会另起书名)
The story of her life and love that touches your heart
By MZY (QianQian)
Luhua14
When talking about the illness of Xiuyue, the one who suffered the most from it was Changhe. Xiuyue was a simple-minded pure young girl with her body seemed a little slim and fragile.
They grew up together and Changhe had been caring and protecting her like an elder brother would do; and he had been hoping that she would be as happy as a little bird.
The sudden change in health two years ago was a strike that Xiuyue could hardly bear, and so it was to Changhe. Yet he had to hold out and defend the smile of this home. He could not afford losing hope.
He had brought Xiuyue to many people who claimed to know medicine and treatments. Many herbs had been tried, even acupunctures. There was one time Xiuyue got needles-sick during acupuncture and they dared not trying further.
Xiuyue had two brothers and a sister. Her parents were very busy in the house and did not get to come and take care of her often. Occasionally they were able to bring a bag of rice or even a chicken or duck, that’s extremely helpful to Changhe.
It’s been two years and Changhe had got used to the housework. One day in the morning, he came toward the well with some clothes to wash. He dropped the clothes on a big stone beside the well, lifted a big bucket of water, poured it onto the clothes and started rubbing.
Suddenly he heard someone call him “Brother Changhe” from behind.
He turned around and it was Luhua.
“Luhua, you’re this early!”
“Yes.” Seeing that Changhe was washing clothes, Luhua said: “Brother Changhe, let me do it.”
“The water is pretty cold, don’t touch it.”
“That’s OK. You go along taking care your work and I will send it over to you when I am done.” Said Luhua.
“OK. Thank you then.” Changhe swung the water out of his hands and stood up.
“Brother Changhe, what happened to your hands?” Luhua noticed that there was a wound in red on the back of Changhe’s hand.
“Oh, this, I don’t even know where I got it.”
“Ai…” Luhua sighed softly. “My uncle may have some medicines to treat wounds. I will bring it for you later. I see that you would use a hammer now and use a knife the next. Be careful and keep away from touching water too much.” As she was talking, she started washing.
Changhe did not walk away. He stood right behind Luhua and looked at her thick shinning black hair rounded in a bun on her head.
Two birds flew over from nowhere and stayed on the tree chirping. A withered leaf dropped and settled on Luhua’s hair. Changhe hesitated a little bit before he stretched out his hand and took the leaf away.
Luhua realized that Changhe was still there. She turned around: “Why are you still here brother Changhe?”
“The bucket is quite big.” Explained Changhe. “And I am afraid that you cannot lift it.”
Luhua stood and tried to pull the rope. It was heavy. The well was frightening too. The opening was quite big yet there was no fence around it. If one lost his or her balance, he or she would surely fall into it.
“Brother Changhe, you got to be careful while coming here everyday. Why is there no fence?”
Changhe smiled. “I fell into it once when I was little and was rescued. I have got used to it. No problem.” He saw that Luhua had focused back on washing the clothes again. Somehow he found himself singing:
My dear sister
By the first glance at you, I believe
That you are the one
Whether it is karma or destiny
I want to be with you until
The moon has no more eclipse
And the stars are always there
I want to have the endless time
Swear to us …
This was the very first time Luhua listened to a man singing. She couldn’t help but stop and quietly turned her eyes to see Changhe singing while he seemed to be lost in his thoughts.
“You sing so well. What song is that?” She asked.
“Oh, this,” Changhe felt a little shy not knowing why this song suddenly flew out of his mouth.
“I heard this from my dad when I was little.”
“Your dad?”
“Yes. According to my dad we had come down here from the far north.”
They finished washing the clothes and headed towards Changhe’s house.
They heard the hen shouting as soon as they crossed the door.
“Hey, she has laid an egg!” Changhe was happy. He rewarded the hen with some chaff.
===============
Translated by the author from the Chinese version: The Story that Cannot Tell (Published) , Edited by KMY. (虔谦根据自己创作小说: <<不能讲的故事>> 翻译, KMY 编辑))
All Rights Reserved qianqianwxc@yahoo.com
附录： 不能讲的故事 14 章：
说起秀月的病，最难受的要数长河了。秀月是个单纯的女孩，也比较纤弱些。长河从小和她青梅竹马，一直象哥哥一样疼爱她保护她，希望她快活得象只小鸟。
两年前这一风云突变，对秀月是难以承受的打击，对长河更是。不过他得挺住，得保着这个家的笑，不能失去希望。
他带着秀月看过不少懂医术的人，药试过不少，还试过扎针。有一次，秀月还晕针，后来就不敢再试。
秀月兄弟姐妹好几个，秀月的父母忙着家里，也不常有空来照看女儿。有时送过来一袋米啊粮的, 甚至是鸡鸭什么的，对长河都是很大的帮助。
两年了, 长河已经习惯了许多家里的活. 这天早上, 他手里揣着几件衣服, 来到了井边. 他把衣服往井边的石上一放, 提起一大桶水来, 往衣服上一洒, 蹲下来, 就开始搓起来.
突然听到背后有人叫: “长河大哥!”
回头一看, 是芦花.
“芦花, 今天这么早?”
“嗯.” 芦花看长河在洗衣服, 就说: “长河大哥, 我来洗吧.”
“水冷, 你别沾手了.” 长河说.
“不怕, 来, 你做事去吧, 洗好了我给送过去.”
“那好, 多谢你了!” 长河甩甩手里的水, 站了起来.
“长河大哥, 你手咋的啦?” 芦花注意到长河手背上有一道伤, 红红的.
“这个, 我都不知道在哪碰的.”
“唉,” 芦花轻轻叹了口气, “我大伯那儿好象有治伤的药水, 回头带来给你擦. 整天又是铁锤又是刨刀的, 还是小心点, 少沾点儿水…” 说着她就低头洗了起来.
长河没走开, 就站在芦花背后看着, 看着她盘在头上一头浓浓的乌黑的头发.
不知从哪儿飞来两只鸟, 停在树上吱吱喳喳的叫. 一片枯叶掉了下来, 落在了芦花头上. 长河迟疑了一下, 就伸出手去把它拣开.
芦花发觉了, 转过身: “长河大哥咋还没走呀, 赶紧回去吧, 我等会就过来.”
长河说: “那水桶大, 我怕你提不动.”
芦花站起来试着去拉井绳, 可不, 是挺重的. 那井说起来吓人, 大大的井口, 没有井栏的. 一失去重心, 人可就下去了.
“长河大哥, 你天天来这里提水, 可得当心点, 怎么也没个栏.”
长河笑了: “小时候, 掉进去过一回, 给人救上来了. 慢慢习惯了, 没事.” 他看着芦花专心洗衣服的样子, 嘴里不由得哼起了一首小调
阿妹呀
第一眼看到你
我就认定了你
不管是前世的因
不管是后世的缘
我要和你相守直到
月亮不再亏缺
星星不再逝去
我要让沧海桑田
对着你我发誓
这是芦花第一次听到一个男人唱歌. 她停下手来听着; 忍不住悄悄转过头, 看长河一边哼着一边看着远处出神.
“长河大哥唱歌真好听! 是啥歌呀?” 问.
“这个,” 长河有点不好意思起来, 好久了，不知自己怎么突然就想起来唱. “是小时候听我爹唱的, 就记住了.”
“你爹?”
“嗯, 听他讲我们是打老远从北方下来的….”
:
衣服洗完了. 两人离开井边回了家.
刚进柴门, 就听那母鸡一声声的叫.
“嘿, 它下蛋了!” 长河高兴的说, 赶紧就抓起一把糠来, 犒劳母鸡.
不能讲的故事 (长篇小说 一) 星光序幕
暗恋酷老板的纯情女孩心提 (4)
再见难, 难于上青天 (1) （结婚二部开篇）
暗恋酷老板的纯情女孩心提 (3)
海外体验: 上帝也讲“远亲不如近邻,邻恶糟过远攻”
我那美国同屋的女儿
虔谦散文选: 撒向人间都是爱 1
不能讲的故事 (小说59) 桂花心语 (三稿)
不能讲的故事 60 阿牛夜宿-夫妻情份 (三稿)
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