《尚气》主演刘思慕致父母一封信 触动移民家庭泪点

思慕主演《尚气与十环传奇》剧照

漫威电影《尚气与十环传奇》（Shang-Chi And The Legend Of The Ten Rings）9月3日首映，加拿大華裔演员刘思慕成为漫威首位亚裔超级英雄，创造历史！刘思慕2017年在麦克林杂志（Maclean's）发表一封致父母的信，讲述他五岁被带出国，从一开始对父母不解及怨恨，之后用23年与父母和解的心历路程，值得一读。以下内容翻译自Maclean's杂志：

妈、爸，今天早些时候我们通过电话。其实，我们经常通话，通常我们其中一个在开车的路上，都会彼此打电话聊天，或是你们打电话来问我什么时候回家吃顿饭。我们的话题也总是眼前的事：我的试镜和演出，你们的假期过得怎样，或一起八卦一下谁家的孩子下一个结婚。

不过，我们从来没有说些真正重要的话。

最近，我想了许多从未说出的心里话，老实说，我觉得这二十多年来我们一直把话憋在心里是完全错误的。我们从未表达过彼此之间的情感，反而总是利用一切机会互相批评，在追求完美的过程中，试图消灭每一个缺点。在我们这个家，做什么事永远重要于说什么话，总是施加压力而不是鼓励，总是以“多穿件外套，外面冷”来代替“我爱你”。

我的每个好朋友都可以告诉你们，每当我提起复杂的童年时光，情绪就像坐过山车一样起伏，愤怒、伤心、怨恨。但我厌倦了对父母生气。

所以，我通过写这封信来敞开心扉，来感谢所有你们为我所做的付出，告诉你们，我爱你们。现在是时候开始这么做了，你们觉得呢？

我1989年出生在中国哈尔滨，当时你们正设法出国，去国外过上更好的生活。一个千载难逢的机会，你们可以来到加拿大的女王大学(Queen’s University)攻读研究生学位，你们抓住了这个机遇。所以，爷爷奶奶在哈尔滨抚养我到五岁，那时你们在加拿大稳定了生活，可以接我过来了。当时我是多么激动终于可以见到我真正的父母，并开始在加拿大生活。但我记不得你们了，所以当爸爸在1995年1月回来接我的时候，我感觉就像是远房亲戚。那个时候我还是每晚和爷爷奶奶睡一起，从我有记忆开始一直都是这样，在我的理解中他们才是我的父母。

刘思慕1995年抵达加拿大的第一个夏天

刘思慕2011年看望爷爷奶奶

当我来到了加拿大，生活发生巨大变化。之前爷爷奶奶的宠爱是那么温柔有耐心，也许你们还不到那个年纪所以难免有着火爆的脾气。那时我常常感觉你们对我像是在对待一个有缺陷的产品：我最初成长的几年生命中你们没有在我身边，所以我的个性让你们感到困惑和担心。也许，就像你们对我来说是陌生人一样，你们的儿子对你们来说也像是一个外国人。而后来，当我拾起当下这种你们所不熟悉的文化和价值观，我们之间的裂痕只能越来越大。我们就经常吵架。如果我被鞋带绊倒，那是我蠢；如果我考试没有得到A，那是我笨；如果我想和小伙伴出去玩，那是我浪费时间。随着一年年长大，我越来越讨厌你们给我施加的压力，我要你们的生活也变得像我一样痛苦。

2005年，在一次大吵之后我离家出走了，在各个朋友家辗转住了一周。我愤愤地告诉你们，我恨你们，我等不及要离开这个家。但在内心里，我渴望着你们的爱和亲情。我常幻想着我能拥有一个如同电影里看到的那种家庭，家人之间像亲密朋友那样交谈，见面和告别的时候都能拥抱一下。

勉勉强强地我还是按你们为我计划好的路继续走了下去，考进名校商学院，有一个朝九晚五的工作，直到我再也坚持不下去了。我毕业后的工作是在一个顶级会计师事务所，但没有什么比这个更不适合我的了。上司主管注意到了我的不适应，在2012年，入职不到8个月的我被解雇了。

刘思慕父母出席他的大学毕业典礼

当着整个办公室的面清理个人物品离开公司已经够难堪的了，但告诉你们这件事更加让我羞愧。那阵子甚至为了不见你们，我曾想过从阳台跳下去算了。后来让我想通的是，我决定找一条适合自己的路，一条能让我骄傲地面对你们的路。就在那个月，顺着Craigslist招聘广告，我找到了大导演吉列尔莫·德尔托罗的片场当起了领取最低时薪的群众演员，我立马就爱上了表演和电影制作。此后我每天一早就翻遍Craigslist广告，申请所有能找到的表演机会。几个月后，我签约了第一个全国性的广告拍摄。我也不能再瞒着你们这些，终于以一个演员的身份走到了你们面前。如今五年过去之后，猛然间我才发现，现在我在电视剧里扮演的角色，不正是我本人吗：爱惹麻烦的小孩子，处理不好和父母的关系，在地球上努力寻找属于自己的位置。

今天，尽管我们之间的关系达到之前从未有过的和谐，我们仍然不怎么提过去的事情。我时常在脑海中回放当初我们之间最激烈的对抗，很不幸这成为与你们大部分时间发生冲突的生活的副产品。但我还是逐渐有所变化，比如现在，我发现自己不是通过我的角度，而是通过你们的角度来看我童年时期的点点滴滴。

回想种种往事，我知道你们已经竭尽全力做到最好。家里经济条件并不宽裕，所以你们总是长时间辛苦工作，以确保我们的温饱。你们对我尽可能施加压力，就是不愿看到我将来为生计而挣扎。所以当我对你们这些努力置之不理的时候，你们变得沮丧，换做是我也会这样。虽然我小时候只想要一个平静的安全空间，但这些对你们来说是不存在的，没有什么比摆脱困境更重要。

尽管一路走来坎坷不平，但我相信你们完成了所有人生既定目标。你们为我营造了一个更好的生活，你们让我不需要为学费贷款或零花钱担心。你们灌输给我的思想就是这个世界没有什么是理所当然的，想要什么必须通过自己的努力去争取。是你们成就了我今天的一切品质：勤奋、有志、坚韧，这些东西我千金不换。

11月，你们参加了《Kim's Convenience》在多伦多Glenn Gould大剧院的首映仪式，这是你们第一次出席我的影视活动。表面上我尽量装作低调，不过内心早已激动万分。那真是个完美的夜晚：我被朋友们和家人的爱所笼罩着，这比任何我憧憬过的电影画面都美妙。我活到28岁，终于明白了这才是我每天都想要的和你们的关系，不再有不听话的小孩，也不再有怒火。

我以满怀感激的心告诉你们，感恩你们给予我的这一切美好。我为你们各自的职业成就感到骄傲。你们是激励我的英雄，我每天努力工作并非因为你们期待我这样做，而是因为你们教会我对自己要有期待。

我以身为你们的儿子而深感自豪。让我最感恩的, 是你们一直以来对我的无私奉献和支持, 以及你们所作出的牺牲。

谢谢你们。我爱你们。对了，记得多穿些衣服，这些天外面冷。

下面是英文，供移民家长给青春期的孩子们看看。增进两代Gap 和不同文化Gap之间的理解。

A Chinese-Canadian to his parents: 'Privately, I yearned for your love'

Growing up, actor Simu Liu constantly fought with his immigrant parents. Now, he sees through their eyes—and pays tribute to them

By Simu Liu

Simu Liu is a Canadian Screen Award-nominated actor, writer and stunt performer who plays Jung Kim on the CBC TV show, Kim’s Convenience.

Mom and Dad,

We talked on the phone earlier today. We talk all the time, actually—usually when one of us is in the car on the way to something, or when you’re wondering when I’m coming home for dinner next. We catch each other up on what’s going on—the auditions and gigs for me, the vacations and the gossip on whose kids are getting married next for you.

But we never quite say the things that actually matter.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the words we never say to each other, and to be honest, I think we’ve been doing this whole thing wrong for the past twenty-odd years. We never expressed affection toward one another; instead, we took every opportunity to criticize each other in some deluded obsession with eliminating every shortcoming in the pursuit of perfection. We’ve always been a family of actions over words, preferring pushing to praising, and letting “put on a jacket, it’s cold outside” stand in for “I love you.”

Any of my closest friends could tell you that I ride a rollercoaster of emotions when I talk about my complicated childhood—anger, sadness and resentment being the frontrunners. But I’m tired of being angry at my parents.

So I’m writing this letter to unpack my unsaid words, to thank you for all that you’ve done for me and to tell you that I love you. It’s about time we started, don’t you think?

I was born in Harbin, China, in 1989, a time when you were trying to leave the country—no easy feat, in Deng Xiaoping’s regime—to start a better life abroad. A one-in-a-million opportunity arose for you to pursue graduate studies at Queen’s University, and you took it. You had to. So Grandma and Grandpa raised me in Harbin until I was 5, when life had stabilized enough in Canada for you to bring me over. I was excited to finally meet my real parents and start my life in Canada, but I had no recollection of you—so when you returned in January of 1995, you felt like distant relatives.

When Dad came back, I slept with Grandma and Grandpa in their bedroom, as I had done all my life. They were my parents, as far as I could comprehend.

Liu,First Summer in Canada

Liu, with his grandfather and grandmother, in 2011.

When we moved to Canada, life was an adjustment for a variety of reasons. Whereas Grandma and Grandpa were gentle and patient, age and wisdom had not yet calmed your fiery tempers. I often felt like you regarded me as a defective product: you had not been present for my early years, and so my idiosyncrasies left you confused and worried. Perhaps, in the same way that you were strangers to me, your son also felt like a foreigner to you. That rift would only widen as I adopted the values and norms of a culture that you were unfamiliar with.

We fought often. If I tripped on my laces, I was clumsy. If I scored below an A, I was stupid. If I wanted to hang out with my friends, I was wasting my time. I grew to resent the pressure you put on me, resolving to make your lives as difficult as you were making mine. I ran away from home in 2005 after a particularly bad fight, staying at a different friend’s house every day for a week. I spoke dismissively about you, told you I hated you, and that I couldn’t wait to leave the house. But privately, I yearned for your love and affection. I often fantasized about having the family I saw in the movies—the ones where everyone would talk like best friends and hug each other hello and goodbye.

I grudgingly continued down the path you laid out for me—getting into a prestigious business school and landing a stable nine-to-five job—until I couldn’t anymore. My job after graduation was at a top accounting firm, and it could not have been a worse fit for me. My superiors eventually caught on – in 2012, barely eight months into the job, I was laid off.

Liu,Graduation Day with Mom and Dad

I was so embarrassed as I cleaned out my things in front of the entire office, but worse to me was the shame of having to tell you what happened. I considered throwing myself off my balcony to avoid facing you. Instead I made the decision to forge a path I could be proud of. I promised myself I would face you when I knew what that path would be.

That month, through a well-timed Craigslist ad, I found my way onto the set of a Guillermo del Toro movie as a minimum-wage extra and instantly fell in love with acting and filmmaking. I checked Craigslist every morning afterwards, applying for anything and everything I could. A few months later I booked my first national commercial and, unable to keep my new life from you any more, I finally came out to you as an actor. Five years later, serendipitous as it may seem, I am now playing myself on TV: a troubled kid, burdened by his relationship to his parents, trying to find his place in the world.

Today, although our relationship is the best it’s ever been, we still rarely talk about the past. I often catch myself replaying some of our worst confrontations in my head; it’s the unfortunate byproduct of a life spent mostly in conflict with you. But something is changing in me too, and I’m finding myself looking at the events of my childhood not through my lens, but through yours.

Liu, flanked by his parents, at his graduation from Western University.

In hindsight, I know that you were doing the best you could. Money was always tight, and so you worked hard and often; the alternative would have meant all of us going hungry. You pushed me as hard as you could so that I would never have to know the struggle of not knowing where my next meal would come from. And when I seemed to be squandering all that you had worked towards, you became frustrated. I would have been too. All I wanted as a child was a safe space, but there was no such thing for you—the threat of poverty was too great for you to risk taking your foot off the gas.

Despite some bumpy roads along the way, I believe that you have succeeded at everything you’ve set out to do. You built a better life for me. You made sure that I never had to worry about things like student debt or spending money. You instilled in me the idea that nothing could be taken for granted in this world, and that if I wanted something badly enough, I had to earn it through work. You made me into everything I am today—hardworking, ambitious, resilient—and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

In November, you attended a screening of Kim’s Convenience at the Glenn Gould Theatre in Toronto. It was the first time you had attended any of my shows or events, and although I tried to downplay it, I was giddy with excitement on the inside. It was a perfect night: I was surrounded by the love of my friends and family, and it was better than anything I saw in those movies with the parents I dreamed of having. It took 28 years, but I finally realized that was the kind of relationship that I want with you every day. No more damaged kid. No more anger.

So it’s with a full heart that I want to tell you that I am grateful for all the gifts and privileges you bestowed upon me. I am so proud of everything you have achieved in your careers, despite overwhelming odds. You are my heroes and my inspirations, and I work hard every day not because it’s what you expect of me, but because it’s what you taught me to expect of myself.

我以身为你们的儿子而深感自豪. 让我最感恩的, 是你们一直以来对我的无私奉献和支持, 以及你们所作出的牺牲.

Thank you. I love you. And don’t forget to bundle up; it’s cold outside these days.